With a Step Forward, I'm Closer to Reaching You
by Chezmeralda
Summary: Haru realizes too late how precious the person closest to him is. He must learn to grow, experience new things, and express his emotions before he will be able to reach him.
1. Was Everything Hollow?

"I'm going to a university in Tokyo."

Haru felt a numbness spread from his chest down through to his finger tips, leaving an odd tingle in his palms. Why couldn't he breathe? His tongue felt like lead as he swallowed, the lump in his throat thick like he'd swallowed molasses. "Oh," was all he managed. He watched Makoto's expression for something, _anything_, that would tell him what he was really thinking.

Makoto looked at him with the same gentle eyes that he always had, and Haru had to swallow again. The odd feeling was back in his palms, but the tightness in his chest was new, and he turned to face away from Makoto a little. "Haru?" Makoto asked gently, stooping a little to try and get a better look at Haru's face. Haru blinked a little, surprised by the sudden sting there.

"I'm happy for you," he said. Makoto managed a small smile.

"Thank you, Haru," Makoto murmured. Haru couldn't continue to look at the relieved expression on his face, and glanced down at the ground. He turned his back to Makoto, biting his lip anxiously.

"Is there something else, Haru?" Makoto asked as Haru turned. Haru felt a prickle at his neck and the beginning of a cold sweat. Why was he so anxious?

"I..." he started, losing the words in his throat. Makoto waited patiently. "Rin... asked me out," Haru said.

"... Oh," he heard Makoto say, barely audible. "I... That's great Haru, I'm happy for you."

_Why don't you sound happy?_ Haru thought. He turned to look back at Makoto, his expression unreadable. "Makoto?" Haru took a step towards him.

"I... always suspected... that you two would be together, in the end," Makoto managed to say after a while. "I'm really glad you're together now. I know he'll make you happy, Haru."

Haru felt his expression tighten at what Makoto said. "You... always thought we'd get together?" he asked slowly. He watched Makoto nod in response. "You have... nothing else to say about that?"

"No... I'm just... glad you won't be alone, when I leave," was all Makoto said. He reached into his pocket and looked at his phone. "Sorry, Haru. It's my mom, give me a sec."

Haru didn't know how to feel. Why wasn't he happier that Makoto was happy for him? Of course he and Rin would be happy together, but why was it so hard to look Makoto in the eye? Haru was roused from his thoughts as fragments of Makoto's conversation with his mom cut through. "Oh, already? ... I suppose we can move some of my stuff tomorrow... Yeah, I have it organized in my room, we can pack the car in the morning... Okay, thanks Mom. Bye," Makoto replied, hanging up.

He must have noticed the flash of confusion on Haru's face, because he turned to smile at him, almost sadly. "The university called my mom. Apparently my dorm is already set up, and I can move my stuff in. I'm... going to bring most of my stuff tomorrow," he said.

Haru started to panic a little. "But... that's... so soon," he muttered.

Makoto laughed as he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah... it caught my mom off guard, too. But she said that it would be good to move my stuff soon so that I can get used to the place, so we'll be bringing my stuff in the morning."

"You're leaving already?" Haru's eyes shot up at Makoto, anxious.

"No, no. I'm just moving my stuff. I... I'll be leaving next week," Makoto said, barely audible over the blood roaring in Haru's ears. "I know... it's really sudden. I thought we'd have more time to hang out and stuff. I didn't think that my dorm would be ready so soon. I... I'm sorry, Haru. I really thought I'd have at least a month before this happened."

"No, it's not your fault, Makoto," Haru said, turning away from him again. The air suddenly felt so heavy, and he couldn't lift his head to meet Makoto's warm, concerned gaze for him. _He'll be gone next week_, Haru thought, clenching his fists to his sides.

"It's getting late," he heard himself say, moving past Makoto and walking ahead of him. The whole way home was a quiet walk, Makoto never closing the distance between them to walk next to Haru. Haru felt the air grow heavier with each step.

He was beginning to climb the steps to his home when he heard Makoto behind him. "Haru... did you want to help me move my stuff to my new-"

"No, I don't," Haru cut in, voice hard and body stiff. He could hear deafening silence, and he felt Makoto blink owlishly up at him. Haru refused to turn back to him. "I... Rin and I are going out tomorrow. So we don't have time to help you move."

Haru felt guilt override his body as the words left his mouth. No amount of wishing could take back what he said. He glanced back to see Makoto looking away, towards his house, his eyes clouded over with an emotion that Haru didn't like seeing on his face. "... Right. It's okay. We still have a week," Makoto uttered, voice suddenly thick. "We can hang out with everyone some other time."

Haru turned away and nodded, feet heavy as he made his way up the stairs. "Good night, Haru. Have fun tomorrow," Makoto called gently behind him. Haru felt his shoulders twitch as he made his way up the the stairs faster.

He threw open the door to his house and clambered his way into the bathroom, hand on the knob to turn the water on. His hand shook as he gripped the faucet, and he felt his body slump down to the floor. His knuckles went white as he gripped the side of the tub, pressing his forehead against the cold. The air was stagnant and heavy around him, the sound of his breathing the only thing disrupting the silence.

_My best friend is leaving next week_, Haru thought as it seemingly echoed in his mind and out his ears, bouncing off the walls of the bathroom, taunting him.

_My best friend is leaving._

_He's leaving next week._

_He's leaving._

_Makoto._

_Makoto is leaving._

_Makoto is leaving next week._

_Makoto's leaving._

_Makoto._

_Makoto. _

_Makoto._

The thoughts echoed through his mind as he gripped the tub harder, arms shaking from the strength of his hold. His breathing started to come in short pants and gasps. Haru tried to breathe deeper, but his next breath came out in a broken sob, and soon after each breath was a sob, growing louder and louder until tears began to fall with his sobs, echoing in the bathroom, each sound hitting the wall and breaking through his thoughts as the noise reached his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut and clamped his hands over his ears, as if to try to stop the noise in his head from echoing around him. Instead, his tears fell through his shut eyelids, and the noise in his head seemed to grow louder when he covered his ears.

Makoto was no longer going to be there to help him out of the tub. He wasn't going to be there to split a popsicle with him. He wasn't going to walk home with him anymore. He wasn't going to swim with him during the summer anymore.

Makoto was going to leave next week for Tokyo.

Makoto was going to leave him next week for Tokyo.

Makoto was going to leave him.

Haru curled inward as he drew the blankets closer to him, trying to block out the sound of his doorbell obnoxiously ringing. It went quiet for a second, only to come back in full fervor again a few seconds later.

Haru groaned and rolled out of bed, hitting the floor with a muffled thump. It was probably Rin, getting him so they could go out on their date. _Makoto just would have gone through the back door_, Haru cut the thought off, refusing to follow it. He could already feel the sting of tears burning his eyes, and he rushed to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face before opening the door.

"Took you long enough," Rin said, grinning at Haru's disheveled appearance. Haru merely squinted at him, his eyes blurring in the light of the day. He stepped aside to let Rin through, and made his way to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. Rin plopped himself down at Haru's table, watching him work. "I ran into Makoto at the bottom of the stairs. He seemed like he was in a hurry, and he told me to have fun today. Do you know what's going on?" Rin said.

Haru felt himself grip the spatula tighter as he grilled his mackerel. "He's moving his stuff into his dorm today," he managed to say, eyes fixed on his fish.

"No shit! That was pretty fast," Rin said, lost in thought.

Haru whirled around to stare at Rin. "Rin, did you know about him going to Tokyo?" he barked.

Rin looked a little taken aback at Haru's tone of voice. "Well, yeah, he did tell me just recently," Rin went on.

"When?"

"Huh?"

"When did Makoto tell you?"

"Just yesterday, after I asked you out," Rin said, brows furrowed at Haru. Haru felt his hand lower to his side, unaware that he had been clenching his fist. "After I had asked you out, I ran into him into the convenience store, and we had soda together. Then he said something like 'Pretty soon we won't be able to share sodas like this' and that's when he told me."

Haru stared at Rin, his face stiff. Rin turned his head to look at Haru carefully. "When did you find out?" he asked.

"Also... just yesterday," Haru murmured, looking down at the floor.

"Ah, did it surprise you?"

"He... he asked if we wanted to help... him move," Haru said quietly. He looked at Rin, who wore a grin on his face.

"Why didn't you say so! We should go help him," Rin surprised Haru by saying.

"Rin..."

"Were you worried that I was gonna be mad if you asked if we could help?"

"Rin, that's not-"

"It's okay, Haru, we can always postpone. You can only help your friends move to a dorm once in a-"

"No!" Haru slammed his fist on the counter top, startling Rin out of his chair. "I don't want to see him, Rin! I don't want to go!"

Rin looked shocked at Haru's outburst, but gentle worry spread over his features after a while. "Hey, Haru, you okay?" he murmured quietly, walking over and pulling him into a hug carefully. Haru gripped Rin's shirt, ducking his head down to rest his forehead on Rin's chest.

"I just... I feel like I'm losing my best friend," he mumbled into Rin's shirt. Rin made a noise as if to agree with him. "He only told me yesterday, and now he's already moving his stuff."

"Yeah, it _is_ pretty fast. But he'll still visit for the holidays, Haru. You can go visit him, and he'll be back during the summer break and stuff," Rin pressed his cheek to the top of Haru's head. He felt Rin rub slow circles into the small of his back.

"It's not the same, Rin." he murmured. The circles stopped momentarily and he heard Rin sigh above him.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Rin said after a while, and Haru suddenly felt bad for his outburst. Rin was losing a best friend, too, after all. "We can just stay here for today. You must be pretty shocked after everything."

Haru tilted his head back to look at Rin, who seemed to be blushing lightly. "You don't mind?"

Rin rubbed the back of his neck, the embarrassment of being so close to Haru finally catching up to him. "Nah, I don't mind. I sort of get how you feel, anyway. I'd be pretty shocked, too, if Sousuke pulled a fast one on me like that," he said.

Haru leaned back into Rin, pressing his ear to his chest. "Thank you, Rin," he replied. He heard Rin's chuckle resonate in his chest.

"You can pay me back by making something other than mackerel later," was his snarky remark. Haru silently conceded.

They stood together like that for a while in Haru's kitchen, before both moved to his room to take a nap. In the afternoon, Haru pulled Rin out of bed so they could walk along the beach and get something to eat. When they came back, Makoto and his father were getting out of the car. He reached to grip Rin's hand, who gave it a comforting squeeze.

"Yo, Makoto!" Rin called out. The brunet turned his head and waved to them, a smile slowly spreading across his face.

"Did you just get back from your date?" was the first thing out of his mouth. Rin beamed at him and pulled Haru closer.

"Yeah. It was easy going for a first. How was moving all your stuff?" Rin asked.

Makoto laughed and groaned a little, scratching his cheek. "A little more work than my dad and I expected, so we only just got back," he replied, glancing back to his house. He looked at Haru and Rin's hands, which were still joined together, and his features melted into a warm smile. "I'm really glad you guys are together."

"Shit, Makoto, we've only just started going out," Rin said, embarrassed. Haru looked down at the ground, refusing to look up.

Makoto laughed gently at Rin's embarrassment. "I know, but you guys always seemed to have such a strong bond. Take care of him for me, okay, Rin?" he said warmly.

_What about our bond, Makoto?_ Haru felt the thought float through his mind as he looked at Makoto, who was smiling at Rin. _Our bond is strong, too. Right?_

"Jesus, Makoto, you sound like his mother," Rin laughed. Makoto merely shrugged his shoulders, glancing briefly at Haru before giving him a smile.

"Well, it's getting late. We should plan something next week. Good night, you guys," Makoto said, waving at them as he mounted the steps to his home. He turned to wave a final good bye at the two of them, and closed the door behind him.

Rin checked his watch. "I'd better go, too. You gonna be okay, Haru?" Rin asked. When Haru nodded, Rin squeezed his hand. "Are you sure?"

"I'll be fine," Haru said quietly.

Rin put his arm around Haru's shoulder and pulled him close. "We should see him off next week. Think you'll be okay to?"

Haru nodded, and watched Rin walk off. He felt hollow as he waved to Rin.

Makoto didn't speak to him directly once.

He had already let him go.


	2. Too Weak for Goodbye

"Ehhhh?! Mako-chan's leaving next week?!" Nagisa exclaimed, eyes looking rightfully watery, as if to spill at any minute. Makoto patted his head gently while Rei scoffed at his teary outburst.

"Nagisa-kun, don't shout! We knew that this day would be coming," Rei said, also looking to be at the brink of tears. "We should be grateful that we still have a week to spend with Makoto-senpai."

Nagisa made a whining sound at the back of his throat as he looked up at Rei. "Hey, we have to spend every day with Mako-chan, okay?" he cried, turning to Makoto, who let out a breathy laugh.

"Sure. I don't mind. That's why I called you here as soon as possible," Makoto said, taking a sip of his drink. "It all happened so suddenly, I knew that if I delayed to tell the both of you, you'd get mad at me."

"Oh, Mako-chan, why would we ever get mad at you?" Nagisa proclaimed, reaching across the table dramatically to grab both of Makoto's hands. Haru poked at the omurice in front of him, eyes trained down at the tomato sauce that was poured on top. "We have to plan everything right now! You're not allowed to spend a day without us, Mako-chan!" Nagisa cried as he plopped in his chair to grab some paper and a pen from his bag.

"Ah, maybe leave a day so I can spend it with my family, okay, Nagisa?" Makoto cut in as Nagisa began to draw out a schedule.

"Why are you guys getting so worked up, anyway? He's going to Tokyo, not enlisting in the military," Rin mumbled through his mouthful of curry. Makoto turned to give him an indulgent smile, and Haru made to cut his omurice into segments.

"Are you not hungry, Haru?" he heard Makoto ask gently next to him. He continued to cut his food into even segments. He could feel Rin let out a worried sigh next to him, and he tuned out Nagisa and Rei's jabbering.

_"C'mon, Haru," Rin said, nudging him out of the door. Haru made an annoyed noise at him, before Rin turned to shut the door behind him._

_"I said, I don't feel like going," Haru commented, throat tight._

_Rin sighed and pulled Haru along. "Sheesh, Haru, can't you be a little more complaisant? Your best friend's leaving next week, and you don't want to have lunch with the guy?"_

_"No," Haru said, snatching his wrist out of Rin's grip and rooting himself in place. Rin clicked his tongue._

_"Haru," Rin started._

_"I'm not ready," Haru cut him off stubbornly. Rin's expression changed to one of sympathy, and Haru had to turn away from the sympathy, unable to handle it._

_Rin stepped towards him, rubbing his arms soothingly. "I know, I don't like it either. But don't you think you'll regret it more if you don't see him at all?"_

"Haru-chan! Earth to Haru-chan?" Nagisa's voice cut through his thoughts as he felt a tap on his head.

"What?" he muttered.

"Is it okay if we use your house for a sleepover? I think it would be good to have a sleepover the night before Mako-chan leaves," Nagisa said, pointing at the schedule he drew with Rei's help.

Rin leaned down to scrutinize the schedule further. "You left Friday pretty open. Are your parents planning something then, Makoto?" he asked, looking up to the brunet, who was eating a sandwich.

"Ah, yeah, they want to go into the city with me, and spend time at the movies with me and the twins, before coming back and having dinner together," he said, putting his sandwich down. "It'll probably take all day, so I don't think putting anything there would be a good idea."

Haru looked at his omurice, which had been cut into small squares. "Haru-chan?" Nagisa's face came into his view. "So? Can we use your house for the sleepover?"

Haru let out a small huff of air as he put a spoonful of food to his mouth. "Fine," he said quietly. Nagisa beamed at him.

"Yay! Okay, Mako-chan! Look at this. Your whole week, planned out with us! What do you think?" Nagisa said, holding out the piece of paper for him to read.

Makoto gingerly took hold of the paper as he read through everything. "You really want to do all of this?" he asked, eyeing Nagisa over the top of the page.

"Of course, Makoto-senpai! We wouldn't want you to forget us while you're in Tokyo, so naturally putting as much activity as possible into this week is a sure way to give you as many memories as possible," Rei replied, pushing up his glasses. Rin snickered as he took a sip of his drink.

Makoto let out a chuckle. "Rei, as if I could forget you guys," he said, clearly touched by what Rei had said. Rei began to fluster at him.

Haru looked down at his partially eaten omurice. _But you did already forget, Makoto_, Haru thought. _You weren't there to get me this morning_, he wished he could say, but then he felt Rin shift next to him as he leaned on the table, smirking at Rei's utter embarrassment. _That's right_, Haru remembered Makoto's words. He wasn't going to take care of him anymore, now that Haru had Rin.

The group finished with lunch and left the restaurant. Nagisa grabbed Makoto by the wrist and dragged him to the closest store at the nearby mall, Rei running after them with suggestions of where they should take him. Haru felt Rin next to him and squeezed his hand, silently thanking him for being there.

They visited shops and small boutiques, buying small things for Makoto and treating him to ice cream and pastries. "We'll get you some really expensive chocolate before you leave!" Nagisa exclaimed as they exited the bakery.

They were currently at the pet shop, sitting by the cat display, watching the kittens tumble on each other. Haru looked at a small white kitten, and remembered the white cat living in the middle of the stairs to his house. Haru turned to Makoto, who had been sitting next to him, but found that he wasn't there. Getting up he looked around the pet shop, finding Makoto staring at a tank of gold fish.

Haru looked at Makoto from a short distance, almost afraid to approach him. Had he missed how isolated and alone Makoto looked? Why did he look so serious now? When had Makoto changed?

Makoto turned his head, aware of Haru's presence, and Haru stiffened. Makoto smiled at him. "Hey, Haru," he said gently, before turning back to the tank of fish. Haru took the opportunity to stand next to him, looking up at his profile. When had Makoto become so stoic, with no hint of that smile that Haru knew so well on his face?

"I was just thinking of the fish you got me from the festival last year," he said after a while. Haru turned to look at the fish tank. Gold fish of similar colours to the ones that Haru had given to Makoto were swimming around, unaware of the world outside the glass. "I left Ren and Ran up to taking care of them, but I can't help but miss that responsibility a bit."

Haru looked up at Makoto, who was looking at him sidelong, smiling gently. Haru averted his gaze. "The white cat you take care of," Haru began.

Makoto started. "Ah! Yeah, I forgot to ask. Haru, is it okay if you take care of her?" Makoto asked, turning to him, eyes gently pleading. Haru felt compelled to look into them, after having avoided his gaze so much today.

"...Sure," Haru gave in, looking down when Makoto's expression changed to one of relief.

"Thank you, Haru. Don't worry, I won't ask for much else from you," Makoto replied gently, as he turned back to the fish tank.

Haru felt his vision go out of focus as his thoughts clouded his mind. _You never ask for much from me, Makoto_, Haru thought. _Ask for more from me. Tell me what you want. Let me give something back to you. Be selfish with me, Makoto. Please -_

"Ah, I found them Rin-Rin!" Nagisa's voice cut through his thoughts and he turned away from the fish tank.

Rin came up next to him and looked up at Makoto, who smiled as Rin took Haru's hand. "You guys ready to go?" Rin asked them. Haru gripped his hand.

"Sure, I'm ready. Is there anywhere else you guys wanted to go?" Makoto asked the group. Nagisa pouted his lip at him, a sound akin to annoyance coming out of his mouth.

"Wehh, Mako-chan. This week is about you! Where do you want to go?" Nagisa said, rubbing his head against Makoto's arm. Makoto laughed at the affection.

"I'm just happy to be spending time with you guys," he replied.

The three of them walked ahead as Rin and Haru trailed behind, holding hands. Rin looked to Haru. "Did you finally talk to him?" he asked.

Haru clenched his jaw a little before replying. "Just about the cat by the stairs." Rin snickered at him.

"Well, it's a start, I guess," Rin chuckled.

Haru thought that Rin never could have been more wrong.

Haru stopped setting up the futons when he heard the doorbell ring. He thought it might have been Rin, or Nagisa, and went to open the door.

"Hi, Haru," Makoto greeted him. Haru blinked owlishly at him before he moved to the side to let him in. "Nagisa just texted me and asked if I could pick up the pizza while he waits for Rei. So I came by to drop off my stuff, if that's okay," he asked.

"It's fine," was Haru's reply. _Of course it is_ he had wanted to say, but the words had caught in his throat.

"Thanks, Haru," Makoto said, dropping his duffel bag near the wall in the living room, before hurrying back to the front door. "I'll be back in a bit, Haru," he said before shutting the door behind him.

Haru stood in place, staring at the door as if waiting for Makoto to come back saying that he'd forgotten something. His thoughts drifted back to Thursday evening, when Makoto asked if Haru wanted to come with his family to the city.

_"I thought you said it was a family day," was all he said._

_"W-well, yeah, it is, but-" Makoto began, stuttering._

_"Then why are you asking if I want to come? Just go with your family," Haru had cut in before Makoto could say how he was part of the family. For some reason, that thought had started to hurt him. That Makoto considered him family. It had never hurt before._

_Makoto was silent next to him, and Haru began to climb the stairs. "... Right. Of course," he said quietly, and Haru paused his climb when Makoto's voice reached his ears. "I'll see you on Saturday, then."_

_Haru turned a few moments later to the now empty staircase. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had done something wrong._

Haru turned back to glance at the front door. Makoto hadn't struck up conversation, and hadn't asked if he'd wanted to come. Haru went back to fixing the futons, with less fervor than he'd had before.

"Truth or dare, Mako-chan?" Nagisa exclaimed, when the bottle pointed to Makoto, who was finishing off a slice of pizza.

"Truth. Your dares are terrible," he said after swallowing his bite. Makoto dusted off his hands a bit as he waited for Nagisa give him his truth.

Rin snorted on the pillow next to him, wrapped in blankets. "You guys are so lame. You gotta go hard or go home!" he said, his proclamation muffled by the pillow he was lying face down on.

Makoto laughed. "Yeah, and where did that get you?" he asked, thinking to how Rin had to strip and run into the ocean, before running back, yelling about how icicles were going to form on impossible places on his body.

Rin grumbled into his pillow. "Like I said, go hard or go _home!_" he barked, before he made to hit Makoto with a pillow. Makoto caught it easily, and placed it in his lap.

"Okay, I've got it! Are you worried about leaving anyone behind?" Nagisa asked.

Rei looked at him, appalled. "Nagisa-kun! That's such a heavy truth! Think of something more appropriate," he scolded.

"Aww, Rei-chan. You have to go for deep truths when you can!" Nagisa countered. Makoto just smiled, leaning back on his hands.

"Well, it's pretty obvious that my answer will be 'my friends and family', so I don't think that answer is _too_ deep, Nagisa," Makoto replied lightly.

Nagisa pouted. "Boo, Mako-chan. That's such a textbook answer! C'mon, say something a bit more juicy! What about that girl you took to the movies a while ago? Won't you miss her?" Nagisa pressed. Rin shot straight up, still wrapped in blankets.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, _Makoto_. What's this I hear about a _girl and a movie date?_" he inquired, grinning like the Cheshire Cat as he elbowed Makoto in the ribs.

Makoto blocked Rin with his arm. "It didn't turn into much really. She said she wanted to go on one date with me before she went to Hiroshima," he replied easily. Rin made a noise in his throat as if to express his amazement.

"I didn't know you were such a ladies man, Makoto," he teased. Makoto laughed almost in a self depreciating way.

"I felt for her though. It takes bravery to admit you have feelings for someone," he replied. A muffled 'you bet it does' was heard from Rin's pillow, and Makoto smacked him in the back. Rin yelped at the harsh contact.

Haru remembered that week. He remembered staying by the stair case to play with the cats, waiting for Makoto to come back so they could play video games at his house. Why had he been waiting for him? He could have just stayed at home, and Makoto would have texted him, but he waited, searching for his figure approaching his house.

The group made to go to sleep, everyone deeming the living room the place where everyone should spend the night together. Nagisa cooed at Rin, who pulled Haru's futon closer to his, and Rin threw a pillow at Nagisa, who shrieked and dodged it. Makoto was on the far side of the wall, head nearby Haru's pillow, but far enough for them not to hit each other. Rin wrapped his arm around Haru through the blankets, and after the good nights, Rei turned off the light before settling next to Nagisa.

Haru stayed up for a long time, watching Makoto's steady breaths indicating his sleep. If he reached he could touch the top of his head, but refused to move, as if afraid to close the distance between them.

The clock ticked, and Haru drifted to the thought of how far Makoto was from him.

"You make sure to text us when you get to your dorm, okay?" Rin said, leaning on Makoto's shoulder. Makoto pressed his cheek to the top of Rin's head.

Nagisa clung to Makoto's front, and Makoto gently pat his head. "Make sure to send picture messages too, okay?" Nagisa blubbered, spilling tears onto his shirt. Rin grunted, holding back tears as well.

Rei clung to Makoto's sleeve. "Please text us if you feel lonely, too, okay, Makoto-senpai?" he sniffled, covering his face to hide his tears. Makoto looked like his eyes were watering a little too, but he laughed in sympathy at his three friends.

"Okay, guys, okay. Don't worry. I'm not leaving forever," he said gently.

"We know," Rin said, his voice wavering as he looked up, refusing to let tears fall. "We _know_ that, but..."

"But..." Rei tried to finish when Rin's voice failed him.

"B-but-but-bu-uu-ut," Nagisa whimpered, and Makoto sighed affectionately.

"I know," he said. "I know."

The three of them couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and gathered around Makoto for a group hug, who soothed them with comforting words and a hushed voice. Haru stood a little bit away, directly in front of Makoto, unable to bring himself to join them. Everyone's attention snapped when the train came into the station.

The three of them let him go, and Makoto took a step towards Haru, not quite closing the distance. Haru wished suddenly that he had more courage to step forward. So that he could close the distance. So that he could pull Makoto towards him and dampen his shirt with tears and well wishes. He wished he could-

"Good bye, Haru," Makoto said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. The other three were sniffling off on the side, trying to regain composure. Haru's eyes slid from Makoto to the hand on his shoulder, and back up again.

"... Bye," he replied, unable to say more. Makoto let go of his shoulder with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and Haru wondered what the expression was that Makoto wore. The four of them watched as Makoto stepped onto the train and he turned around to wave at them as the doors closed.

Everyone went their separate ways after they watched Makoto's train leave the station, waving even when they knew he couldn't see them anymore. Haru had gone home, to finish cleaning up after the sleepover and to lie down in his room.

He had finished folding and putting the futons away and was going to lie down when he noticed something on the floor in his room. His hands shook when he picked it up.

Makoto's shirt.

Makoto had changed out of his pajamas in his room, so the shirt must have fallen out of his bag and hadn't noticed. The soft fabric tickled his palms as he clutched the shirt tightly.

Haru's head fell forward onto the shirt and into his hands, breathing in and catching a scent that wasn't his. He recognized the scent after having worn this very shirt so many times before when he'd slept over. A scent that smelled of warmth and comfort and the sea and fresh citrus and mint soap.

_Makoto._

Haru began to sob quietly into his pillow, clutching the shirt tightly to his chest as he inhaled the scent that he was afraid to forget. His grip tightened and he curled into himself as he brought the shirt to his nose, afraid it would disappear if he let go.

Makoto was gone and had taken nothing from Haru. But he had left something behind that was more than just his shirt.

Haru lay there quietly, letting time slowly bring him sleep. Never letting go of his shirt. Makoto's shirt.


	3. Epiphany and Finally

Haru's thumb hovered over the buttons of his phone, reading the message that he'd just received from Makoto. He hovered over the keys, thinking of what to say.

In the end he closed his phone and finished off the rest of his lunch.

What was Haru supposed to say? He couldn't think of anything to say to Makoto, who seemed to be having the time of his life. The others were thrilled with the messages and pictures that Makoto sent, and took the time to send things back. But Haru had sent nothing.

No word reply, no picture message, nothing.

What could he say? Makoto had so many wonderful things to tell him, and Haru couldn't even think of anything he could say that Makoto might be interested in. After high school, Haru had decided not to go to university, feeling like it wasn't for him. Instead, he got a job at Iwatobi SC, and was helping train kids in middle school interested in getting serious with swimming. It was at Coach Sasabe's request, and he felt like doing anything rather than mope at home was better than nothing.

But how could he say that to Makoto, when the first text he'd gotten from him was how he had joined all sorts of clubs at the encouragement of his roommate and senpai, a guy named Chiaki?

_"Ohh, Mako-chan has a senpai for a roommate?" Nagisa had said over lunch one weekend when he read the text that everyone had received. _

_"Makoto-senpai seems to have really stepped out of his comfort zone. He says he's joined cooking and recreational basketball, as well as the swim team," Rei adjusted his glasses as he muttered this information out loud._

_Rin opened his phone and made to read the text. "'Chiaki-senpai encouraged me to join recreational basketball with him, and when I told him I was an abysmal cook, he laughed and said he would introduce someone to me who was making a 'cooking for beginners' club. He found out I was a swimmer and told me to go try out, saying that he'd vouch for me to the coach'. Wow, Makoto's got a pretty active roommate, huh?" Rin said, impressed with the amount of activities Makoto already seemed to be taking up._

_Nagisa made an excited noise as he typed out a reply. "I want him to send us a picture of 'Chiaki-senpai'! I wanna see what he looks like!" he exclaimed, having sent the reply._

_"Nagisa-kun! What does his senpai's appearance have to do with anything?" Rei tried to scold him, though it was obvious he was curious, too._

_Moments later, Nagisa got a reply from Makoto, and he read it out loud. "'Eh? You want to see him? Let me ask if it's okay, first'. Yay! We'll get to see him," Nagisa cried in a sing-song manner._

_"If his senpai says yes," Rin reminded him, clicking his tongue when he found that his drink was empty. _

_Not too long after, the group all received a text, a picture message from Makoto. Nagisa opened his first, and yelled with excitement. "Wow! His roommate is so handsome! Look, Rei-chan, look!" he shoved the phone into Rei's line of vision._

_Rin leaned over and showed Haru, and Haru kept his expression carefully blank. 'Chiaki-senpai' looked the definition of a bad boy, with his undercut and ear piercings (and were those tattoos under his shirt?), and Haru felt a twinge of jealousy at the already casual body language between him and Makoto. Makoto smiled in the picture as Chiaki leaned on him, obviously taller than him._

_"I wonder how tall Chiaki-senpai-san is," Rei said as he regarded the picture._

_"Rei, stop adding -san to the end of things," Rin muttered, holding in a laugh._

_Haru chose to tune out the rest of the conversation._

Haru sighed as he closed his phone and put it away. He had received a total of 43 messages from Makoto, and it had been about a month since he'd left. And Haru hadn't answered a single one.

Haru could handle the text messages that were sent to the group, he could handle the moments he shared with everyone. He couldn't handle the text messages that came after, that only he was receiving.

He opened one message in particular, after the one about Makoto's senpai, and read it over. _'I decided I'd join the swim team here, Haru. It reminds me of home.'_ Haru swallowed as he read the message. _Does swimming not remind you of me anymore, Makoto?_ he thought. _Do you miss me? I want to know. Do you miss me like I miss you? Am I still your best friend?_

Haru got a call from Rin saying that he'd stop by after swim practice. Rin had joined a university that was the next town over, so he came home for weekends, and that university had scouted him for their swim team.

The month with Rin as his boyfriend had gone by quickly, but Haru couldn't shake the feeling that something was... off. He had already kissed Rin, several times now, but he never really felt like something was right. It wasn't even that Rin was a bad kisser, in fact he enjoyed kissing Rin, but there was that feeling, and Haru had always trusted his instincts.

Haru knew that Rin probably wanted to go further, having talked about things like condoms and lube with him, but he wasn't pushing for it. He was waiting for Haru to say that it was okay.

His thoughts were cut off as the doorbell rang, and Haru made to answer the door. Rin stood there with his back pack and hair slightly wet. "Yo, Haru," he said, before leaning in to give him a peck on the lips. Haru gently pressed back, before stepping aside to let him in.

"Are you staying over this weekend?" Haru asked.

"No, not this time. My mom wants me to help with stuff while Gou leaves with her friends on a school trip," he said, sitting down on the couch nearby. Haru nodded at him, standing where he was. Rin made a motion to Haru and patted his lap. "Hey, Haru, come here," he said gently.

Haru moved slowly to Rin, who pulled him in his lap. Haru straddled him as he ran his fingers through his hair, caressing gently behind his ears. Rin sighed and leaned in closer, as Haru leaned down to meet him.

Haru sighed when he was met with parted lips, and leaned into Rin more as he was pulled closer by his waist. He felt a light shiver run through his body as Rin trailed his hands lightly up his sides, gently lifting his shirt while he swiped his tongue on his bottom lip. Rin's hands came up from behind him and he gently rubbed and massaged Haru's shoulders as Haru's lips parted wider. He let out a low breath when Rin's tongue stroked his.

Haru enjoyed kissing Rin, there was no denying it. It caused his blood to race a bit, and it sent pleasant shivers through his body, just below his skin. But as he felt Rin's hands slowly make their way up to his chest, trailing along his abdomen, he stopped them.

"Something wrong, Haru?" Rin asked, a little breathless.

Haru took a deep breath to slow down his erratic heartbeat, and he answered Rin slowly. "Let's stop there," he said, getting off him and going to sit next to him. He leaned his head into Rin's lap, and he felt fingers slowly slide through his hair.

"Say, Haru," Rin began, sounding a little unsure of what to say. Haru waited for him to continue. "Are... are you even interested in sex?"

Haru took a moment to think about what words to use. "... No less than the next person," he muttered, letting his eyes drift closed to the gentle strokes on his head. That wasn't a lie, he had his fair share of internet searches and late night discoveries, though nowadays it was limited to his bath tub.

Rin made a noise at the back of his throat and stopped his hand. Haru sat up to look at him, seeing Rin's features scrunched together, as if confused. "Then," he began slowly, turning to face Haru. "Do you ever think about... having sex... with me?"

Haru felt his eyes widen at Rin's question. Had he ever thought about Rin that way? Being intimate with him that way? He was already intimate with him, with the kisses and the caresses, but any further-

"Let me rephrase," he heard Rin say, cutting through his thoughts. "Do you think you _want_ to have sex with me? Is it just a waiting thing for you? Or can you not imagine it at all?"

Haru looked at Rin, who was staring at him intently. He turned his head slightly as he thought about it. Was he not having sex with Rin because he felt it was too soon? Could he imagine having sex with Rin in the future? Did he even want to have sex with Rin?

Haru glanced at Rin, and he felt like both of them came to the same answer. "... No," Haru said quietly, almost afraid of how Rin would react. "I like kissing you, and everything before it, but I don't think I want to have sex with you."

Rin turned away from Haru, and Haru felt apprehensive. He didn't want Rin to just leave, that would cause so many awkward emotions to be left. Haru was surprised and relieved when Rin flopped back on the couch, leaning his head against the wall and running a hand through his hair. He let out a breathy chuckle. "Yeah. I thought I was the only one," he said finally.

Haru's brows furrowed together in confusion, as he watched the lazy grin slowly spread across Rin's face. "You mean you...?"

"I can't imagine having sex with you either, Haru," he stated.

"But what about-"

"All the times I brought up sex talk?" Rin finished for him. "It's better to be safe than sorry, and that was a little before we got so close like this. But once we started kissing and doing other things, I found myself thinking 'Nah, I can't do this with him. We'll just end up arguing about who should do what'. Stupid, right?" he said, chuckling a bit. Haru didn't think it was stupid.

"So where does that leave us?" Haru asked. Rin looked up at the ceiling.

"I guess... that leaves us... as friends," Rin sighed finally. Haru faced forward.

"I guess it does," Haru said. "Will it be okay?"

"Yeah," Rin said, waving it off. "It'll be fine. I mean, the only thing that really changed when I started dating you is that I held your hand and got to make out with you a bit... oh, and I tried to annoy you less."

"You still did," Haru stated flatly. Rin laughed.

"Haru, can I use your shower? I sort of booked it here so I didn't get to wash off properly after practice," he said. Haru nodded.

Haru sat on the couch while Rin took his shower. _I'm single again_, he thought. He didn't feel any different, so he guessed that it was for the best. It still felt odd, that now he wouldn't have someone he could immediately go to for a kiss, or a hug.

Someone who he could lean into and run his hands through his hair.

Someone who he could bury his head into his chest and breath in, as strong arms wrapped around him and he could smell the faint scent of warmth and comfort and -

"Haru, did you change your soap?" Rin's voice cut through his train of thought. Haru's head snapped to face him.

"What?" he said, gulping slightly.

"It's different. The brand I mean. I kinda like it, it's smells like mint," Rin said, smelling his wrist as he ran his towel over his head.

Haru glanced down at the floor. He wanted to correct Rin. _You're wrong, Rin. It smells like the ocean. And fresh citrus. And mint._

"Well, I'd better go. I have to head home before it gets too late," Rin said, checking his phone before replying to a message from his sister. "I'll see you later, Haru."

Haru saw him out, and closed the door. He checked the time, feeling a little tired when he stared at the clock. He headed to his room and closed the door.

Haru started awake, gasping for air as his legs kicked up from his sudden jolt.

Haru glanced at the clock and noted how early in the morning it was. He pressed his hand to his forehead, feeling his heartbeat still going erratically. He closed his eyes, trying to forget the feeling of phantom hands running up and down his body, lips leaving fiery hot kisses along the column of his neck, down his collarbone and lingering at his chest, playing at his nipples. He tried to forget the breath that made him shiver, the low, husky _Haru_ that followed as he felt a shaky moan escape him, the last thing that flashed at the back of his eyes was bright, summery green-

Haru threw the covers off him to stand up, turning to stare at his bed as if it were the culprit. He paced in his room, frustrated. What did that dream even mean. He glanced at a drawer by his dresser, pausing before he made to pull the contents out of it.

Haru held the shirt close to his face, breathing deeply to try to calm down. Whenever he felt anxious, or had an argument with Rin, he would use the shirt to calm himself, letting the soothing scent wash over him and bring him a peaceful sleep.

That wasn't working this time. Instead of the usual calm he would feel, he felt his heart skip a beat, and a shiver run over his spine. He tried to wear the shirt, shedding his own and climbing back into bed, hoping, praying for calm.

He held the fabric up to his nose and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the ocean, citrus and mint. He felt his pulse quicken, and on the exhale a high, quiet moan escaped his lips.

He felt his hand move on its own as it trailed down his abdomen and made its way under his boxers. He removed them partially, letting them stay around his ankles as he held his half hard cock in his shaky grip. He closed his eyes, the images of his dream flooding back into his mind, encouraging his hand to stroke.

_Haru._

Haru gasped and felt his hips twitch off the bed as he gripped his cock a little harder, stroking a little faster. He covered his nose in the shirt fabric, letting it ride up his torso. His other hand now free from holding the fabric to his face, trailed lightly up his abdomen before clutching at the fabric at his chest.

His eyes fluttered shut as he imagined larger, warmer hands around his cock, warm, moist breath tickling his ear as it chuckled lowly, as if enjoying his reaction. He could feel his heart beat erratically as he touched his nipples through his shirt, imagining the hands that his body seemed to yearn for, touching him and caressing him.

_Haru._

"_Ah-_," Haru felt the sound escape his lips before he could even think, hips moving on their own, matching the pace of his hand, voice broken from the noise he was making. "_Ah-ah-ahhh~_"

_Haru_, he felt the voice in the back of his mind run through his body as he bit his lip, imagining it sounding desperate, wanting, imagining strong arms pressing against the backs of his thighs as they push him apart, spreading him further, hitting him deeper-

"_Makoto_," the name escaped his lips as he came. Haru rolled over, making sure he got nothing on the shirt, breath heavy and loud as he came down from his orgasm.

It was a few moments before he managed to regain enough composure to get up and wash his hands. He glanced up, regarding his reflection, hair a little disheveled, skin covered in a light sheen of sweat.

Haru's hand began to shake as he touched his lip, eyes widening at a sudden realization. His knees buckled as he allowed himself to sink to the floor.

He covered his mouth with his hands to muffle the sob that tried to escape his throat, shutting his eyes to prevent tears from falling.

How could he not have known.

He had spent so many nights agonizing, feeling alone, gazing at the house by his, wishing that his familiar figure would open the door. He had spent so many days reaching up his hand instinctively, only to grab on air instead of the warm hand that held him in a secure grip.

He was in love.

How could he not have understood sooner.

He was in love.

With Makoto.

He had been in love this whole time.

He was in love with Makoto.


	4. Homecoming

Haru put away the last of the training paddles away in storage, and made his way to the staff change rooms to remove his wet suit. The middle school kids were especially restless, since it was nearing summer vacation. Haru had decidedly upped the training, to remind them not to get rowdy in class, and to make sure they were too exhausted to cause trouble at home. Rowdy middle school kids could be a handful, after all.

Seven months. It had been nearly seven months since Makoto left for Tokyo, and he still texted him, and Haru still couldn't answer. Pictures, short video clips, things that happened to him, things that reminded him of home, his family, his friends, everything. He sent texts to everyone everyday, and made the extra effort to text Haru personal things, little small things that reminded Makoto of him.

The dolphin plushie being sold in the local toy store.

The new restaurant that had a mackerel tank in the front.

The nearby sports shop that started displaying professional swim wear in its window.

And Haru couldn't bring himself to answer a single one.

Over five hundred messages in about two hundred days. One message every day for the whole group, and another one for him. Not that Haru was counting.

Haru clicked his tongue in frustration over his own denial. Who was he even kidding anymore? He dreamt of Makoto every night, held on to his shirt when he couldn't bare the loneliness, and every day was slow moving, bland, _boring_ without him. Swimming was barely enjoyable, either. Makoto wasn't there to cheer for him, to pull him out of the water, to tell him that he did a good job and praise his ability. Haru slammed the locker closed.

He checked the time on his phone. It was getting late, and Rin had said he would wait for him after work so they could walk to his house together. Everyone was going to sleep over tonight, in an effort to stay together. Nagisa had suggested they call Makoto, and before he could protest, everyone had agreed. That was the night Rin figured it out, and it caused Haru to sigh deeply again.

_"Haru, are you okay? You looked pretty pissed when we said we'd call Makoto," he asked once the other has left._

_"I don't want to talk about it," he said as he washed the dishes._

_"Haru, come on. This is your best friend. The guy's been sending text messages to everyone every day for the past seven months, we should call him at least," Rin said, leaning on the counter next to Haru, watching him finish wiping the dishes dry._

_"He knows how we've been doing, we don't need to call him," Haru muttered, putting away the last bowl._

_"Oh come on, Haru, you're acting like you haven't been talking to the guy," Rin joked._

_Haru froze, suddenly nervous. He glanced over at Rin, who looked at him with a question in his eyes. Haru tried to compose himself again, hoping Rin wouldn't ask, wouldn't pry._

_"Haru," Rin began, and Haru started to move to the living room. "You have been talking to him, right?"_

_"Just let it go, Rin," he said, clenching his fists._

_"Let me see your phone, Haru," Rin said, grabbing his wrist._

_"No!" Haru panicked. He didn't want Rin to see the messages Makoto made the extra effort to send him, those belonged to him and him alone. He gripped his phone._

_Rin and Haru were in a deadlock, but Rin managed to pull Haru's phone away from him, and opened it. His eyes widened, and Haru looked away from him, ashamed. "Oh my God, Haru. You haven't texted him back at all!" Rin exclaimed, staring at Haru. "You're insane! He's even been sending you extra texts. You haven't answered a single one?"_

_Haru slumped his shoulders, defeated. "No," he replied._

_"What's wrong with you? Answer him right now!" Rin said, shoving his phone back to him._

_"No," Haru said, taking his phone._

_"Yes, Haru, do it," Rin raised his voice, impatient._

_"No," Haru insisted. "I don't want to."_

_"Like hell that's true! Just answer him!" he cried. "What's one text even going to-"_

_"I can't, Rin!" Haru yelled, his eyes closed to prevent Rin from seeing the tears that were forming. "I just can't!"_

_Rin stopped at Haru's outburst, eyeing him, trying to assess what was going on. "What to you mean you can't? Yes, you can! Just text him back," he yelled back._

_"No," Haru's voice wavered as he began to sink to the floor. "How can I after all this time, Rin?" Rin gaped at him, standing over him. There was silence between them as Haru crouched on the floor, head in his knees. Rin just stood there, trying to understand what was going on. Something hit him, and his eyes widened as he stared at Haru._

_"Haru, are you in love with Makoto?" he asked. Haru stiffened when he heard the words leave Rin's mouth. Rin crouched down to peer into Haru's face, and Haru tried to get away from him, but Rin held him there. "Oh my God, Haru. You are, aren't you?"_

_"Rin, don't, please," Haru could feel the tears welling up at his eyes, but he refused them to fall. Rin looked at Haru, who seemed so lost with what to do. "I can't text him back now. Not when everything's changed."_

_Rin sighed and sat down in front of Haru, rubbing his temple as he thought of what to say. They sat in silence for a while, the ticking of the clock in the room the only sound that cut the silence. "Well," Rin said. "You'd better text him soon, Haru. He's been texting you everyday since he left. If you don't text him, he might stop texting you, and then what are you going to do?"_

Haru knew he was right, after all. It wouldn't be long before Makoto couldn't keep up the texting anymore, and he would stop. But Haru couldn't muster up the courage to text him back. What was appropriate, anyway? Now that he knew how much he missed him? How much he wished he could hold him and stay with him?

Haru found Rin sitting on the bike rack by the front, and he called to him. "Let's go," he said. Rin turned around at his voice, and nodded his acknowledgement.

"Yo, Haru," he said. He stood up and they started to make their way to Haru's house. "Have you texted him back yet?" Rin asked.

"No," Haru muttered.

"Still? Haru, you really have to step it up. You're going to talk to him tonight, when we call him," Rin said, clicking his tongue at how frustrating it all was.

Haru chose not to answer, and turned his head away, as if to end the conversation. They walked in silence to his house, and found Rei and Nagisa waiting by the foot of the stairs.

"Ah! Rin-chan! Haru-chan!" Nagisa cried, waving to them. Rei looked up from his book and waved as well.

"Hey, guys, sorry. Were you waiting long?" Rin asked.

"Only five minutes, Rin-san. Not anything to worry over," Rei replied. He closed his book and put it in his bag.

"Haru-chan! How was work?" Nagisa jumped on Haru, who barely managed to keep himself steady from the force. Nagisa had begun to grow a little, and it was getting harder to handle his tackle hugs.

"Fine," Haru said, moving him off, so he could walk ahead of them to open the door.

"How are the middle school students, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asked.

"Rowdy," Haru said. It wasn't very explanatory, but it was true.

"I bet that you just suck as a coach," Rin muttered. Haru turned to glare at Rin as he opened the door.

"Am not," he shot back. Rin snickered.

"Aww, don't say that, Rin-chan. I bet Haru-chan's a very good coach," Nagisa said.

Haru decided to tune out the conversation behind him debating if he was actually a good coach or not, and proceeded to the living room, where the futons were. Everyone sat down, putting their things on the side. Nagisa pulled out his phone.

"So," he said loudly to get everyone's attention. "I've been texting Mako-chan, and he said he just got back to his dorm, so we should call him now!" Nagisa dialed his number and put it on speaker.

"Oi! Haru!" Rin called, but Haru moved to the kitchen. He heard Rin click his tongue, and moments later the ringing stopped. Haru held his breath.

"Ah, hello? Nagisa?" he heard a familiar voice on the line, and Haru had to clutch at his shirt. _Makoto_, Haru thought. He sounded the same from before he left. Had he changed since then?

"Hi, Mako-chan! You're on speaker!" Nagisa cried happily into the phone. "Everyone's at Haru's house right now. We're having a sleep over!"

"Hello, Makoto-senpai!" Rei said loudly.

"Yo, Makoto!" Rin said, bringing his mouth closer to the mouth piece.

"Hello, Rei, Rin! Ah, is Haru there?" Makoto asked. Haru clenched the hem of his shirt. _Please, no one come get me, please, I'm not ready, I can't-_

"Ah, I think he's in the kitchen," Nagisa said loudly. "You want me to get him?"

"Ah, wait, Nagisa!" Rin stopped Nagisa, surprising Haru. "He might be making tea. Leave him for now." Haru heard Nagisa sit down.

Haru let out the breath he was holding, silently thanking Rin. He moved to make the tea, listening from the kitchen.

"Makoto-senpai, how have your classes been?" Rei asked.

"Stressful," Makoto admitted, laughing at himself. "I have a comprehension quiz nearly every week, and I don't think I've ever written this much in my life."

Rin clicked his tongue. "I understand, Makoto. How're your clubs?" he asked.

"Fun. They give me something to look forward to after classes, instead of worrying about studying as soon as I get back," he replied, thoughtful.

"Yeah? What about the swim team?" Rin pressed on.

Makoto sighed loudly over the phone. "It's _hard_, Rin," he said. "I'm not even on the competitive roster, and it's still brutal training."

Rin laughed. "You didn't make the competitive roster, Makoto-senpai?" Rei asked.

"No, I'm a reserve. I still have to be competition ready, though. I have to hand it to Rin though," he added as an afterthought. "I would probably die if I was on the competitive roster."

"Only the best get to compete, Makoto," Rin gloated.

"Ehh, Rin-chan. Mako-chan's still amazing," Nagisa scolded.

"I know, I know, I was just teasing," Rin said.

"Ah, I almost forgot," Makoto said just as Haru moved to grab cups and bring the tea into the living room. "I'll be coming home tomorrow."

"Eh?! Tomorrow?! Mako-chan, why didn't you say anything?" Nagisa exclaimed. Haru paused in the door to the living room. Makoto was coming home tomorrow.

Nagisa looked up and noticed Haru. "Ah, Mako-chan! Haru-chan's here!" he said, and made Haru put down the tray of tea and snacks as he sat down.

"Makoto?" Haru was breathless, suddenly nervous.

"Hi, Haru," he heard that gentle amicability that he missed so much, and he clenched his fist on the table to prevent himself from shaking. "I'm coming home tomorrow."

Haru wanted to burst into tears and tell him how much he missed him and couldn't wait to see him. "Yeah," he said instead, suddenly quiet.

"Since you can cook now, Mako-chan, you should cook for us when you get back," Nagisa declared, causing the room to laugh.

"Honestly, Nagisa- oh, hold on a second. Yeah? Ah, I'm talking to my friends. Yeah, I'm packed, thanks, senpai," they heard.

"'Senpai'? Mako-chan, is your senpai there?!" Nagisa yelled. "Can we talk to him?!"

"You want to talk to him? Hold on," Makoto said. "Ah, senpai, do you mind? Here."

"Hello?" they heard a huskier, deep voice. The room was charged with curiosity and interest.

"Is this Chiaki-senpai-san?" Rei asked. Rin hit him.

"Idiot, drop the -san already, oh my God!" he scolded, embarrassed for him.

"Hello, Chia-chan!" Nagisa chirped. They heard a muffled 'Chia-chan', probably directed to Makoto. Nagisa continued. "How is Mako-chan?"

"Adorable," Chiaki chuckled. They could hear a flustered protest from Makoto, and Haru stiffened. "He's like a giant puppy." Makoto sounded indignant on the other end, and Chiaki laughed.

"Chia-chan, do you like Mako-chan?" Nagisa asked. Haru wished he would stop with this line of questions.

"Well, he's my roommate, so it would be bad if I didn't," Chiaki said calmly. "If you mean _like_ then no, I don't. Besides, he-"

"Ah! Anyway, I have to study. Sorry, guys. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be at the station at around 5," Makoto cut Chiaki off. They could hear him laughing in the background.

They said goodbye to Makoto and hung up. Haru couldn't focus on the rest of the evening. He moved through the games, the conversation, the jokes with muted distraction.

Makoto was coming home.

Makoto was coming home and Haru would get to finally, _finally_ tell him everything.


	5. Warmth and Comfort

Haru moved through his day listlessly. It felt like he was going through the motions as he got himself dressed, made himself breakfast, packed a lunch and went to work. He checked his papers, swam, ate his lunch, and taught the middle school kids. He put away the equipment and talked to some parents who were curious about their children's progress.

Haru was leaving when Coach Sasabe stopped him. "Yo, Haruka!" he said jovially. "Good job, with the kids today. You heading home?"

"I'm heading to the train station," he replied, unable to prevent the small smile that pulled on his lips.

"Ah, that's right. Makoto's coming home today, right? Say hello to him for me," Sasabe said. Haru nodded and left, walking just a little faster to leave his stuff at home.

_Makoto will be here soon_, he thought as he walked down his steps. He saw Rin waiting for him at the foot of the steps, leaning on a railing and listening to his music.

"Oh, Haru," Rin said when he noticed Haru standing next to him. He grinned when he saw the sparkle in Haru's eye. "You look excited."

"Do not," he replied, unable to make it sound menacing with his excitement. He tugged on Rin's sleeve to make him hurry up.

Rin laughed. "Jeez, Haru, you're acting like you're five," he teased. "Are you going to tell him?"

Haru paused, and their pace returned to a normal, less excited one. "... I don't know," he said after a while.

Rin sighed. "I think you should," he said. Haru looked up at him. "I... I don't know if I'm a good judge, but I think he misses you, too. He'll hear you out."

"You think so?" Haru asked softly.

"Haru," Rin began. "It's already hard enough to send everyone a mass text everyday, but he made the extra effort to send extra texts to _you_. Just to you. He replies to us, sure, but if everyone did what you did," he pointed a finger at Haru with an accusatory tone,"and no one made the effort to text him back, Makoto would only be sending extra texts to you."

Haru looked ahead as they walked to the station. "What if it doesn't work?" he said, panicking. "What if I tell him, and he doesn't say anything? What if he laughs? What if-"

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa_. Calm down, Haru," Rin said, putting his hands on Haru's shoulders. Haru took a deep breath. "Makoto's a considerate guy, there's no way he'd laugh at you. It'll be fine. You don't even have to tell him right away," he continued. "You should tell him during Obon. But you have to tell him before he leaves again. Otherwise it'll be another year of awkward silence from you, and then Makoto really will stop talking to you."

Haru looked down at the pavement as they continued walking to the station. He knew Rin was right. He had to muster up the courage somehow. Somehow, he had to face the Makoto that managed to survive seven months away from Iwatobi, from his family, from his friends.

From Haru.

"Haru-chan! Rin-chan! Over here!" Nagisa waved to them at the entrance of the station. They walked over to him.

"Where's Rei?" Rin asked.

"He went to ask about the train schedule. He'll be back soon," Nagisa said as they walked towards the station.

They saw Rei standing by the platform entrance and they walked in together. "So?" Rin asked. "When's Makoto's train getting here?"

"It should roll into the station in the next ten minutes, so we should just wait for a bit," Rei said as he checked his watch.

The ten minutes ticked by slowly as Haru watched the clock. He would phase in and out of the conversation that was carried on between them, and he bounced his knee, growing more and more impatient.

Nagisa giggled, which caught Haru's attention. "You're really excited to see Mako-chan, aren't you, Haru-chan?" he asked fondly.

"I guess," he said blandly, trying to compose himself by stilling his knee.

"You must really love Mako-chan, don't you?" he continued.

"Wha-," Haru started, before snapping his head in Rin's direction, who held his hands up in defense.

"I'm just surprised as you are! I didn't say anything!" he yelled, anxious.

"Haruka-senpai," Rei began, sitting next to Haru. "We could tell."

Nagisa laughed. "Did you really think we've been friends for this long that we wouldn't be able to tell what was up between you and Mako-chan?" he asked gently.

Haru stared at Nagisa, almost dumbfounded. "How did you know?" he asked quietly.

"Mako-chan asked me one day if there was anything wrong with you," Nagisa said, staring ahead of him, deep in thought. "When I asked him why, he said it was because you hadn't answered any of his texts."

"Nagisa-kun told me and asked me to help him watch you," Rei continued where Nagisa left off. "After you broke up with Rin-san, we both guessed there was something else going on, and that's when we found out. Last night sort of confirmed our suspicions."

Haru looked down, not sure what to say. "... Don't say anything to Makoto," Haru said meekly.

Nagisa smiled brightly at him. "Don't worry, Haru-chan! We won't say anything," he said. Then added, gently, "We support you. We all want you to be happy."

Haru looked around at the faces staring at him, expressions full of support and care. He allowed himself a smile. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Their attention was taken when they felt the wind of an oncoming train, and soon their ears were filled with the sound of wind and screeching brakes. Haru stood up, feeling tense, nervous, anxious, and excited all at the same time.

The train halted and Haru held his breath, searching. Searching for a tall figure with brown hair, broad shoulders and a smile that was warm and gentle and utterly wonderful.

Haru saw him helping an older lady with her luggage as he handed it to someone who was waiting for her. Typical, gentle Makoto behaviour. He had his backpack slung over his shoulder, and he was rolling a small luggage behind him.

Makoto spotted them a little ways away from where he'd gotten off the train and walked towards them, a warm smile spreading across his face at seeing his friends. Haru locked eyes with him, and Haru suddenly forgot how to breathe.

Makoto was in front of him, looking at him the same way he'd always looked at him, with the eyes that haunted his dreams and filled his thoughts, the face that he found himself sketching late at night when he couldn't sleep. The same walk, the same sway of his shoulders. Haru wanted to run to him, feeling his legs twitch, even though he was rooted in place. He wanted to throw his arms around him and tell him how much he missed him, how much he loved him, how much he saw him in crowded places. He wanted to kiss Makoto's mouth, the way he dreamed about at night when he wore his shirt, wanted to take the breath right from his lungs, giving him the breath from his own lungs instead-

"Mako-chan!" Nagisa cried, breaking Haru's thoughts as he broke into a run to meet Makoto. He jumped up, full of exuberance, and gave him a signature tackle hug as Makoto dropped his things to catch him.

"Nagisa! Be careful," he laughed that same laugh that Haru missed so much. "It's nice to see all of you."

"Makoto-senpai! Welcome back!" Rei said, as he went to grab his rolling luggage.

"Nice to see you, Makoto," Rin said, picking up the dropped backpack.

"Thanks, you guys," he said smiling at all of them. His eyes rested on Haru, and a gentler smile touched his eyes. "I'm home, Haru," he said softly.

Haru nearly lost it, his heart ready to burst with emotion as he held back tears. "Welcome home, Makoto," he replied.

They had walked Makoto back to his house, talking and asking him questions. He tried to keep up, answering everything as best as he could. They asked about his clubs, his friends, he had pictures to share, stories to tell and his own questions to ask.

"Haru-chan's working at the swim club," Nagisa said.

"Really? I didn't know that," Makoto said, gazing at the sky. Haru felt a stab of guilt. "I'm glad you're doing well, Haru," he said.

Haru looked at him, before looking away, embarrassed. He could barely deal with himself, now that he had so many emotions in him, all for Makoto, that he could now identify.

They had dinner at Makoto's house, greeted by a very excited Ran and Ren.

"Onii-chan, you have a piercing on your left ear!" Ran exclaimed. Ren's eyes widened, looking scandalized as he took a peak.

"Eh?! Mako-chan, let's see!" Nagisa said, turning Makoto's head. And there it was, a small, silver stud on his left ear lobe. Haru felt strange seeing it.

"Are you a delinquent now, Onii-chan?" Ren asked, worried.

He laughed gently and patted his head. "No, Ren, I'm not. I just... lost a bet," he finished lamely. Ran and Ren were called into the kitchen by his mother, so Nagisa questioned him next.

"What happened Mako-chan?" he asked, excited. "Did you have to do battle? Was it for money?"

Makoto laughed as he pulled up a chair to sit down with everyone. "No, nothing like that. I, uh... The swim team has a traditional race to haze the new members, and I got pretty far, but I lost my second to last race. As a punishment, they drew a lot for me, and I had to get my ear pierced, so here it is," he said, pointing to it.

"Did it hurt?" Rei asked as he looked at it carefully.

"Only a little," Makoto said, leaning over to let Rei see better.

"I didn't think you'd be up for that type of stuff, Makoto," Rin said slyly.

Makoto smiled at him indulgently. "I'm not, really," he said, leaning his elbows on the table. "We didn't know what the punishments were until after we got them, so it was hard to chicken out before participating. I didn't even get the worse punishment."

Rin perked up. "Oh yeah? Who had it worse than you?" he asked, completely interested.

"A guy named Tooru," Makoto thought, remembering the moment with wry amusement. "He had to get a tattoo."

Rin tried to hold in a chuckle. "What kind of tattoo?"

Makoto stared at him dead in the eye. Rin started to shake. "A tramp stamp," Makoto deadpanned. Rin burst into laughter.

After dinner, they moved to Haru's house to hang out more and have a sleep over. They got Makoto to tell them more about his swim team, the people he hung out with, his roommate and what he did in his spare time. He indulged them with everything he could. At some point Rin told Makoto that he and Haru broke up a while ago, and Makoto looked surprised, but told them he was glad they were still friends.

They moved to go to sleep, Makoto a few centimeters away from Haru, lying next to him, between him and Rin. Nagisa promised to bring Makoto to all the new food places he found while he was here, and at Rei's suggestion, the group decided to go to the new waffle place that was in town.

While everyone had fallen asleep, Haru lay awake, staring at Makoto's back. Had it gotten broader? He couldn't tell. He felt a little bittersweet about seeing Makoto, now that the others had asked him enough questions to catch up with him.

Haru wasn't seeing the Makoto that left for Tokyo seven months ago. He was seeing a new Makoto. A Makoto that made new friends, experienced new things. That joined new clubs and stepped out of his comfort zone.

A Makoto that survived seven months without Haru.

And yet he still felt like the same Makoto. The smile, the bright, green eyes, the gentle laughter, the warm voice. The familiar scent of warmth and comfort and the sea and fresh citrus and mint.

_Makoto._

Haru wanted to reach across the short expanse of distance between them. He wanted to trail his hands down that broad back, wanted to get Makoto to turn to face him so he could gaze at his face, stare into his eyes as they watched each other. He wanted to hold Makoto's hand as he slept, wanted to lean into his chest to smell him. He wanted to kiss his chest, a gentle press of his lips that would earn him a similarly gentle kiss on the top of his head, as they fell asleep, holding each other.

Haru drifted to the steady, quiet breathing of Makoto deep in sleep, thinking of tomorrow when he could see his smile, hear his laugh, and look into his eyes.


	6. My Love for You was a Firework

Haru woke to the noise of Nagisa bouncing around the house. He checked Makoto's futon to find it empty, and he momentarily panicked, before realizing the reason that Nagisa was so excited was because he was talking to the person he was looking for.

"Are you _sure_ you don't want to go to the waffle place for breakfast?" Nagisa's voice echoed out from the kitchen, rousing the other two from their sleep.

"I'm sure, Nagisa. I'm a little short on money, and it sounds like the waffle house is a bit pricey," Makoto replied as he moved through the kitchen, the sound of pots and pans clanking together. "We should go later in the week. I'll just make breakfast instead."

Haru saw a flash of blond and pink flannel pajamas rush across his vision before he watched Nagisa unceremoniously jump on Rei, startling a wounded animal noise from him. "Rei-chan! Rei-chan! We're going to eat Mako-chan's cooking!" he screeched happily, shaking Rei. The boy under the covers made no move to get up, and Haru suspected he probably died.

"Nagisa," a grumpy sounding Rin from the other side of the room barked, voice rough with sleep. "You're going to break someone's ear drums, stop yelling so much."

Nagisa pouted before jumping on Rin, earning a muffled grunt from him. "Don't be mean, Rin-chan! Did you not hear what I said? Mako-chan's going to cook for us!" he cried, pulling at Rin's covers.

"Oh my God, would you _stop_," Rin complained, pulling the covers back up. A small tug-of-war erupted between them, and Haru got up to enter the kitchen.

"Makoto," he said from behind him, startling the brunet as he was chopping some veggies.

"Oh, gosh, Haru, you scared me! You're so quiet," Makoto said, clutching at his chest.

"Need help?" he asked.

"Ah, only if you want to help, Haru. I'm pretty much done, except for the eggs. You maybe should set the table?" he suggested. Haru watched him for a bit before doing what he was told.

Haru felt odd, watching Makoto work in the kitchen. He could almost say that he didn't like it. Even though he would get to eat Makoto's cooking, he didn't like it. The way Makoto moved without any hint of nervousness, the surety he had as he cooked the eggs and plated the rice reminded Haru of the time apart they had.

Of the time that Makoto was slowly, very slowly, moving away from needing Haru.

He watched Makoto and wanted to take the cooking utensils from him, he wanted to lean up to his ear and whisper how Makoto didn't need to learn to cook, that he would do it for him everyday, if he wanted. Haru wanted to tell him that he could rely on him, that Haru would take responsibility for all his meals, and would cook all his favourites everyday-

"Looks good, Makoto," Rin said gruffly as he tried to shake the sleep from his eyes. Makoto smiled at him as he handed him some tea.

"It might not taste as good as Haru's cooking, but you won't die from it," Makoto joked.

"I hope not, you had to live off this stuff for seven months," Rin quipped back. "Did your senpai eat what you cooked?"

"Ah, I always cook for Chiaki-senpai," Makoto replied easily as he took a sip of his tea. Haru felt a sudden drop in his chest. Makoto always cooked for his senpai?

"Mako-chan cooks for Chia-chan?" Nagisa said, pulling a very wounded looking Rei into the kitchen as everyone sat down at the table.

"Just in the mornings. I had early classes while he had classes late in the evening, so we set it up that I'd cook breakfast and he'd cook dinner," he said. Haru didn't like hearing that either. Makoto ate what his senpai cooked for dinner, everyday. Like they were close, like they could depend on each other.

Like how Haru and Makoto used to be.

The gang began to eat, talking and joking ("This is really good, I'm not gonna die!" Rin had said, and Makoto kicked him under the table). They were almost done when they heard a chime in the living room, and Makoto stood up to get his phone.

"Who is it Mako-chan?" Nagisa said, mouthful of rice.

"Nagisa-kun, please swallow before you talk," Rei looked mortified. Everyone looked up to see Makoto wearing an amused smile on his face.

"Chiaki-senpai's a giant three year old," was all he said, before he handed his phone to Nagisa, who made grabby hand movements at him.

"'I miss my Makoto-kouhai's breakfast cooking'. Aw, Mako-chan! He even sent a sad face, how cute," Nagisa laughed, showing Rin and Rei, who leaned in to get a better look, before they also began to snicker at his immaturity. Haru kept his head down and continued eating, one grain of rice at a time. He realized that he was probably scowling at his bowl.

"And he calls me the giant puppy," Makoto muttered, seemingly put off by what Chiaki had called him yesterday.

Nagisa suggested that they send Chiaki a picture of what they were eating, but it was mostly done, so Rei suggested they take a group picture of them with their empty bowls instead. Haru leaned in next to Makoto, pressing his cheek into his shoulder.

"We should be able to see the fireworks on this side!" Rin called, waving them over. It had nearly been a few weeks since Makoto came home, and it was already Obon. Everyone followed Rin, who made his way to a secluded spot on the beach.

Makoto looked up at them and called to them. "Hold on one second you guys! My phone's ringing! I'll catch up in a second!" before he climbed up some stares to a higher part of the temple.

Nagisa nudged Haru in the ribs. "Now's your chance, Haru-chan!" he whispered loudly.

"Yes, Haruka-senpai! We'll wait here while you go up to Makoto-senpai," Rei said turning Haru around and pushing him towards the stairs.

"You'd better do this, Haru, he's got about a week left before he needs to leave," Rin said, watching Haru from a slight distance.

Haru stared at his friends as they waved him to go. Haru looked up at the stairs, before slowly beginning his climb.

His feet felt heavier with each step, and he was nearly at the top before he was sure that he would have a heart attack. He could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage, and he was positive that he'd die before he even reached Makoto.

Haru was at the top of the steps as he watched Makoto lean on the railing, speaking into his phone. Haru couldn't help but admire him from afar. How long had it been since he had really _looked_ at Makoto? He could barely remember anymore.

He wished he could call out to Makoto, as he hung up his phone and looked out into the expanse of the dark horizon. Haru felt a twinge in his chest as he approached him. Makoto had grown so much without him. Haru felt like he hadn't changed at all. He wanted Makoto to hold him in his arms and tell him personally, all the things that changed about him, all the things that were different so he could catch up.

So they could go back to the way things were before he left.

"Oh, Haru," Makoto called as he noticed Haru walking towards him. "Sorry, did they send you up here to get me?"

Haru looked up at Makoto, admiring the way the festival lights hit his face. "We should stay here," he said quietly, moving to the railing.

"You want to stay up here?" Makoto asked him. "I guess the view is better up here. Let me go get-"

"No!" Haru yelled. Makoto stopped to stare at him, surprised. "They said they liked where they were, and told me to stay with you."

"Okay, then I guess we stay here," Makoto said, leaning on the railing next to him. He turned to smile at Haru, who was suddenly thankful for the lack of light that could hide whatever euphoric expression he had on his face.

They stood together in a silence that felt so familiar and comforting to Haru as they watched the sky get darker and darker. Haru looked at Makoto carefully, realizing how much he actually missed him.

Had Makoto gotten more muscular since he left? Haru could almost bet all the mackerel he had at home that Makoto could lift him up with one arm. He almost wanted to test his theory, wanted to run at Makoto full speed as he jumped in the air before landing in his embrace. He wanted to hear Makoto say how there was no effort at all in keeping him up above him, against his chest.

Haru observed the profile that he dreamed about all of these months. Haru thought, heart aching at the notion, that Makoto's profile looked more masculine, more rugged. If only he could pull his face towards him, to observe his profile better, to trace the contours of his jaw with his nose and lips, breathing in the sent of warmth, comfort, the sea, fresh citrus, and mint.

"Say, Haru," Makoto spoke softly after a while, and Haru looked up at him. "Did I do something to make you angry?"

"Huh?" came out of Haru's mouth before he could stop himself.

"It's just," Makoto began, scratching the back of his neck as he thought of what to say. "This whole time you never texted me back. I had thought that maybe... I had said something to you that made you angry, and that you were ignoring me-"

"No," Makoto turned to Haru, who had placed his hand on Makoto's arm. "You did nothing wrong," he said. _You could never do anything wrong_, he wanted to continue, _except leave me behind and forget all about me._

"Really? Are you sure?" Makoto turned to face him. Haru saw relief spread across his face as he nodded. "I'm glad, then. I really missed talking to you."

Haru's heart skipped as his stomach began to do flips. He clenched the hand that was still on Makoto's arm, feeling the firm muscles there. "I missed talking to you, too," he replied quietly.

"Then," Makoto turned to look at him, pulling away from his arm gently. "Why did you never text back?"

"Because I..." Haru couldn't look at him, coudn't continue what to say. He felt Makoto stare at him, waiting for him to continue. He looked down at the ground.

Makoto glanced at his phone, replying to a text. "Haru, I'll be back," he said, turning to go.

"Don't leave!" Haru said, starting towards him. Makoto turned back to glance at him.

"I'll be back in a bit, Haru, promise," Makoto said as he was facing him. "I just have to go and -"

"I love you!" Haru blurted. He watched Makoto freeze and straighten his posture, turning to face him fully. "I couldn't text you because I didn't know what to say. I... I didn't know what to say to you when I figured out how I felt. I... I love you, Makoto."

Haru felt breathless as he watched Makoto. Why wasn't he moving? Why was he looking at him that way? He saw a muted seriousness, a pain in Makoto's eyes that he didn't like seeing, and his heart quickened as Makoto bowed deeply to him.

"I'm sorry," Makoto said, head still parallel to the ground. "I... I have a girlfriend."

Haru felt every nerve in his body come alive at those words, he was suddenly unable to move. "... What?" he whispered, still staring at the back of Makoto's head.

Makoto came out of his bow and looked at Haru in the eye, expression serious. "I can't return your feelings, Haru," it looked like it pained him to say the words, almost as though he was gritting his teeth. "I'm seeing someone."

Haru stared at him, feeling his world tumbling around him, feeling the ground fall out from under him even though he continued to stand in place. "Makoto?" he felt his voice shake around the name, afraid his voice was going to shatter, too.

"She's here now, to meet my family," Makoto said quietly, almost a whisper. "I was going to go get her."

Haru backed away from Makoto, stunned, lost, on the verge of breaking. He turned to grip the railing, steadying himself. "Haru," Makoto reached for him.

"Don't touch me!" he cried. Makoto's hand froze just above Haru's hand. "Don't touch me," he said again, meekly. Makoto's hand went back to his side.

Haru stood there for a while, shaking with unshed tears, covering his mouth to muffle the sobs that threatened to break loose from his throat. Makoto watched him with a pained expression, before turning away from Haru, leaving him at the railing, unable to say anything.

Haru waited a moment before he let go of the railing and started running. He heard people calling his name, but he didn't care anymore. He didn't care about anything anymore. Nothing mattered. Nothing was important. Not when he'd lost everything.

He threw open his bedroom door and nearly ran into the drawer as he pulled out the shirt that he had kept all this time. The shirt that he wanted to return when he confessed his feelings. When Makoto returned them.

He gripped it tightly in his hands as he began to shake. He wanted to rip it apart, destroy the thing he had been holding on to for so long. He didn't need it anymore, not when Makoto didn't-

"_Makoto_," he whispered, falling to his knees as he held the shirt to his face. It still smelled like him, almost taunting. He felt the tears begin to roll off his cheeks, dampening the shirt as loud, broken sobs wracked his lungs and escaped his lips.

_Makoto._

_Don't leave. _

_Don't forget me._

_Don't leave me behind._

_Makoto, please. _

_Please._

He passed out, hugging the shirt tightly to his chest.

He woke up to the sound of knocking at his bedroom door. He kept his head under the covers as Rin, Rei, and Nagisa came into his room. There was a silence that was heavy, no one was sure how to break it.

"Haru," Rin began, quietly.

"Don't," he said, his reply muffled by the covers. He curled in on himself. Rin clicked his tongue, but didn't push.

"We met her, Haru-chan," Nagisa said, sounding so defeated, so winded by the words. Haru squeezed his eyes shut.

"We're sorry, Haruka-senpai," Rei muttered. Haru hated those words more than anything. They had nothing to be sorry for.

"How was she?" he asked. He felt tension crackle behind him.

"What?" Rei replied.

"Was she beautiful?" he pressed.

"No, she wasn't!" Nagisa cried, sounding like he was in tears. "She would never be as beautiful as you are, Haru-chan! She was-"

"Don't lie to me!" he yelled, startling Nagisa into silence. "Please... just tell me."

"She was beautiful, Haru," Rin spoke, sounding frustrated by the words he was saying. "Incredibly gorgeous."

"She was very kind to him," Rei said, voice cracking at the words leaving his mouth, "and to us."

"They love each other," Nagisa sobbed, sound defeated despite his earlier outburst. "_So much_. Haru-chan, I'm so sorry. I-"

"Stop," Haru said, still under the covers. He curled more into himself. "Please... just go."

The three of them left after a moment, unable to say more. What could they say? When Haru heard the door shut, he felt his shoulders begin to shake with sobs that he refused to let loose. He couldn't cry, not again.

Makoto had found someone. Makoto had found someone who was beautiful, kind, and in love with him. Someone who was unafraid to show her love for him, to shower him in the affection that Haru couldn't muster.

Makoto had found someone that wasn't him.

Haru sat up and looked around the room. His eyes felt dry, sore, and heavy. He held the shirt in his lap, afraid it would shatter, that it would disappear if he let go.

He thought about how Makoto had left him completely. How he had learned to live without Haru being there, next to him, standing by him, supporting him.

He thought about how his room never looked more empty.


	7. Fall Apart

It had been exactly twelve days since the Obon festival, and exactly five days since Makoto returned to Tokyo.

That was one million, thirty-six thousand, eight hundred seconds Haru spent thinking, dreaming and wishing for Makoto to text him. One million, thirty-six thousand, eight hundred seconds spent move through his life stagnantly, never venturing from a different routine.

It was one million, thirty-six thousand, eight hundred seconds of Haru waking up, going to work, going home, eating, and sleeping without break in the routine. His dishes began to pile up, and he did minimal laundry for his work uniform.

Every second he wasn't spending working or eating, he lay on his bed clutching his phone, waiting for a text, a call, something, _anything_ from Makoto. But there was nothing.

Just silence.

Haru had spent the first week of his twelve days in Purgatory regretting never texting, regretting always looking at his phone, only to shut it again, regretting thinking he would be able to keep what he always had.

The next five days he spent just holding his phone, wearing Makoto's shirt, waiting, wishing, praying and dreaming for something. But there was nothing.

Haru idly acknowledged his friends and their presence, as he continued to lie in bed, completely blank of feeling.

"Haru-chan! You have to get up," Nagisa pleaded, pulling on his sleeve, _Makoto's_ sleeve, urging him to get up.

"Haruka-senpai, you'll make yourself sick if you continue like this," Rei implored him, eyeing the room as it had gradually gotten messier. "Please get up, we'll help you clean."

"Look, Haru, I know it hurts, but you have to get up," Rin snapped. "You can't go on like this. It's unhealthy."

Haru made no effort to move, continuing to stare at his phone. He barely felt Nagisa tugging on him. It was as if he was numb, feeling nothing. If Haru didn't routinely force himself to eat, he probably wouldn't have eaten, he thought passively.

"He's forgotten me," he muttered. Nagisa's eyes were welled up with tears, and Rei looked defeated.

Rin clicked his tongue, clearly annoyed. "Let's go. Leave him," he said, turning the other two by the arms.

"But-," Nagisa began to protest.

"Rin-san," Rei said slowly.

"No, let's go. He doesn't want our help," Rin muttered to them, pulling the out the door.

Haru realized that Rin returned a little while later, after having escorted Rei and Nagisa to the train station. His hair was in a ponytail, and he looked a little disheveled.

"Haru," he started, crouching down in front of the bed. Haru made no move to look at him. "I cleaned downstairs. Everything in the sink and your laundry. Get up."

When Haru didn't move, didn't even flinch, Rin sighed. "Get up and get dressed. You're body will turn into jelly if you continue to lie around like this."

"Haru," Rin spat out, getting annoyed at Haru's comatose-like state. "Get _up_. You can't keep doing this, it's getting ridiculous." Rin reached for the phone in Haru's hand.

"Don't touch it!" he yelled, snatching his phone away from him.

"What are you even doing, Haru?!" Rin replied back, just as loud. "Why do you just lie here, holding your phone?! What are you waiting for?!"

"He hasn't texted me, Rin," Haru began, tears welling up at his eyes, the first sign of emotion in nearly two weeks. "He used to text me everyday, and now he hasn't sent anything."

"Oh my _God_, Haru, you've got to be _kidding me_," Rin bit out, clearly exasperated at him. "Why do you think he hasn't texted you back? Are you insane?!"

Haru held his phone tighter to him, which only served to make Rin angrier. "Makoto spent every day, for seven months, _seven months, Haru_, texting you about everything and nothing, and what did you do, what? Did you send him a single fucking reply?" he raised his voice, suddenly unable to contain the well of anger that had been building up.

"Don't start yelling at me, Rin," Haru threatened.

"I will very well start fucking yelling, Haru!" Rin shouted, offended at what Haru said. "What makes you think I'm just going to stand here and baby you when all we've done, as your _friends_, is try to help you get through this? But you keep pushing us away like you were pushing away Makoto!"

"I would never push Makoto away!" Haru shouted, sitting up to glare at him.

"Yes, you _did_, Haru," Rin bristled, hissing through clenched teeth. "You did when you wanted to ignore him the week before he left for Tokyo. You did when you never texted him. You did when you _ran away_ from him when he turned down your confession in the _nicest fucking way_ he could. You did when you didn't try to apologize for your stupid behaviour for the last week of his summer here."

"He never said that he-," Haru started.

"Never said what? That he had a girlfriend?" Rin scoffed. "Makoto has been texting us about everything that's been happening to him when he _isn't obligated to_ and you're mad that he wanted to introduce us to his girlfriend in person rather than tell us over a text message?"

Haru said nothing. He didn't look up at Rin, just stared down in his lap at his hands that still cradled his phone. The room was charged with a hostile atmosphere that was coming from Rin, who was trying to calm down from his outburst.

"What makes you think you deserve Makoto?" Rin said quietly, as if it was a threat. Haru felt his shoulders twitch at the words. "What makes you think that anything you've done up to now means that you deserve to be with him? Haru, he's moved on, grown up, experienced new things. He's made a _life_ for himself. What have you done?"

"I've been there for him," Haru said quietly, hurt by Rin's words.

"Yeah, but not as much as he's been there for you," Rin put his hand on his hip and stared down at Haru. "You've done a lot for him, fine. But he's done _just as much_, if not more. You can't expect him to continue doting on you the way he has. Not when you can't even return something simple like a text message."

"How am I supposed to now?" Haru yelled. "How am I supposed to now when I ruined everything?"

Rin looked at him, appearing unaffected by Haru's outburst. "I don't know, Haru. That's something for you to figure out," he turned to the bedroom door. "Talk to me when you have your head on straight," he yelled, slamming the door behind him.

Haru stared after Rin after he slammed the door, before flopping back onto his bed, covering his eyes with his hand.

Rin's words hurt, and Haru knew it was only because they were true. How could he ask Makoto to love him, when he'd done nothing but wallow in self pity and negative emotion.

He had to get up. So Haru stood up. He had to clean up. So Haru washed up in the washroom, taking off Makoto's shirt and putting it away. He couldn't bare to look at it now, not right now, not when looking at it made him ache deeply in his chest, not when looking at it made him feeling like he was going to shatter.

He went downstairs and saw that Rin really _had_ cleaned up, and it made Haru tear up. He realized that he'd done nothing for Rin almost as much as he'd done nothing for Makoto. He began to think that them breaking up had something to do with how Haru was preoccupied with himself and his emotions, and Haru promised himself he would eventually apologize.

He had to get back up.

He had to get back up if he wanted to face Makoto again.


	8. Piece by Piece

Haru was leaving the swim club after having finished working for the evening, when Coach Sasabe approached him.

"Yo, Haruka!" he said. Haru turned to nod his head at him. "I was just wondering how things were going with the middle school kids."

"Okay," he replied shortly.

"Good, good. Glad to hear," Sasabe said. "Say, Haru, you're a good cook, right?" Haru shrugged, eyebrows drawn together.

"I was wondering if you would help out at a relative's restaurant that's just across town," Sasabe continued. "Apparently, he just came back from this fancy cooking school in France, and needs someone who is easy to train and a good cook so that he can start up a restaurant."

"He's going to train me?" Haru asked, dubious.

"Yeah, he doesn't mind. Says that it's enough that he went to cooking school, that it's practically the same thing if he teaches you!" Sasabe laughed and clapped Haru on the shoulder. "I told him about you and he's interested. Think you can drop by tomorrow? I have the address on me."

Haru thought about it for a moment before shrugging. _Move forward_, Haru hears the words in his head. _Move forward to reach Makoto_. "Sure," he said.

"I quit teaching at the swim club," Haru said one weekend.

"What? Haru-chan, why?" Nagisa asked, eyes wide. Rei looked worried and Rin grunted something incoherent.

"I got a job as an apprentice chef," he said shortly after. Nagisa and Rei stared at each other wide eyed before they began shouting in a flurry of emotions.

"That's great Haruka-senpai!" Rei cried.

"This is so exciting, isn't it, Rin-chan?" Nagisa turned his head to look at Rin.

Rin glanced up at them before looking back down at his phone. "... Sure," he muttered.

"Aw, Rin-chan, be more excited!" Nagisa whined, shaking Rin's arm a little.

"I'm just tired," he states bluntly, unmoved. "I'm going to the washroom."

"I wonder why Rin-chan is so mad," Nagisa said after Rin got up. Rei shrugged and closed his eyes, as if thinking about it.

Haru hung his head. "It's my fault," he said quietly. He felt them looking at him. "He came back after you guys had left a few days ago and yelled at me for being selfish."

There was silence at the table, so Haru continued. "He was right, too. I should have been a better friend to you," he said. "I'm sorry."

Nagisa walked around the table and hugged Haru, and Rei rested his hand on Haru's arm. "We forgive you, Haru-chan," Nagisa said.

"We're just glad you're starting to move forward," Rei chimed in.

Nagisa and Rei got up to leave, saying that it would probably be best if Haru apologized to Rin alone. Rin came back and looked around the table. "Where'd those two go?" he asked.

"They had to leave early," Haru replied. He watched as Rin clicked his tongue.

"I guess I should go, too," Rin said, making to pick up his things.

"Wait, Rin," Haru called to him. Rin stopped what he was doing and looked at Haru with a cold gaze. "You were right before. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have treated you the way I did."

Rin looked at Haru, as if surprised by the sudden apology. He sat down. "I probably hurt you even while we were dating," Haru continued. "And even though it's late, I'm sorry."

Rin sighed as he scratched his head, at a loss for the right words. "I'm sorry, too," he said after a while. "I said some pretty harsh things when I got mad at you."

"Tell me," Haru said.

"What?"

"Tell me what made you so angry," he said.

Rin made a noise in his throat before looking up at the ceiling. "Do you know why I broke up with you?" he asked Haru quietly. Haru sat and waited, knowing Rin would tell him eventually. "While it's true that we broke mutally, I sort of had a feeling that there was a reason why you didn't want to go any further."

"And?" Haru asked when he saw the strange look on Rin's face.

"... and I began to have a suspicion of how you really felt when you started acting towards Makoto the way you did," Rin continued after a pause. "I really did like you, y'know. I'd have to be blind to not notice."

Haru looked down. He figured. He hadn't known how he had felt at the time, but he was sure that anyone close to him could tell. "I'm sorry, Rin," he said a moment later. He really had hurt Rin a lot, hadn't he?

"Stop apologizing," Rin sounded embarrassed, and Haru looked at him. "It's fine, I'm over it already. I'm glad you apologized, anyway." Haru gave him a thankful expression, and the two lapsed into a comfortable silence.

"... So," Rin said slowly. "When are you going to talk to Makoto?"

Haru felt himself stiffen. "I... I," he stuttered.

Rin rolled his eyes. "Oh, come _on_, Haru. You've made all this progress already, why can't you make the next step and just call the guy?" he said.

Haru looked down at the table, twiddling his thumbs. "I don't know where to start," he mumbled.

"Start by calling him," Rin answered.

"I can't," Haru said.

"Yes, you can," Rin commented back. "You can't avoid him forever, Haru."

Haru looked up at Rin, feeling the sting of tears that he was doing so well to avoid these past few days. "What if I really ruined everything?" Haru asked, pleading at Rin. "I really hurt him this time, Rin. What if I can't fix it?"

Rin's eyes clouded over with worry at Haru's words. He took a sip of his drink. "Well, they won't get fixed if you keep avoiding it," he said after a while. "I think you have to apologize in person, though."

Haru looked at him oddly. "What are you suggesting?" he asked.

"Go to Tokyo and apologize properly," Rin said in a matter-of-fact tone. "We know his dorm address, so you should drop by and apologize."

Haru stared at Rin dumbfounded before looking at the address. It was better than nothing.

Haru stepped off the train and looked around, bag slung over his shoulder, his heart beating nervously. He may only be staying for two days at most, but the ride over had made him tired, and he relished in being able to stretched his legs.

He managed to find the university, and looked around. More people than he had expected were coming and going out the gate, and he stood by the entrance, scanning the crowd.

He almost turned around when his eyes noticed brown hair just above everyone else, and Haru squinted before realizing it was Makoto. Haru felt a smile tug at his lips when he saw that Makoto looked okay, that he looked well. He felt so relieved.

He felt his legs shake as he slowly took a step towards him. Makoto was a distance away from him, so he wouldn't spot Haru in the crowd. Haru wondered if Makoto was mad at him, if he would forgive him. Haru thought about how he would apologize, hoping that Makoto would hug him and tell him that it was okay.

Haru watched Makoto talking to someone, the way he laughed at what they said. Haru felt his heart ache in a way that he hadn't felt in a long time. _Right_, Haru thought. _I'm in love with him_.

Haru opened his mouth to call to him when he heard "Makoto!" being shouted to the right of him. He froze in place when Makoto looked up in the direction of the shout, his smiling changing to one of pure joy, and Haru felt himself go numb.

He couldn't quite see her face, but her long, wavy hair was loose in the wind as she ran to Makoto, who opened his arms for her as she flung herself at him. Her momentum spun both of them and Makoto's laugh carried over to where Haru was standing. Haru swallowed, unable to look away from Makoto and the girl who was held tenderly, securely, in his arms.

Haru watched as Makoto leaned down to touch their foreheads together, murmuring something between them. The girl smiled up at him, before saying something that made Makoto laugh. Haru felt his throat tighten and his eyes were glued to them as he watched Makoto caress her jawline gently with his thumb, before tilting her head up for a kiss.

Haru slowly began to hyperventilate, leaning his back against the gate wall, still unable to tear his gaze away. The kiss they shared was so gentle and so intimate that even Haru felt like he was intruding on an incredibly private moment despite them kissing in a rather public place, although no one seemed to take note but him. Haru watched them break apart their kiss as Makoto threaded their hands together, fingers interlocked as they gazed at each other, before walking hand in hand, backs turned away from Haru.

Haru turned around and left.

"Haru! Are you okay?" Rin burst in through his bedroom door, finding Haru curled up on his bed, covers thrown over him.

Haru felt a dip in his bed as Rin sat down. "Oi, Haru," he said. "What happened?"

"I saw them together, Rin," Haru sobbed. He had cried as soon as he got home, and now he managed to stifle his cries, but his breathing was still irregular with hiccups and quiet sobs. "They looked so... so _happy_." They had looked happy. So happy. Makoto had looked so happy.

He looked so happy without Haru.

"Shh, hey, come here," Rin murmured gently to him. "Sit up, come on." Haru felt Rin pull the tops of his arms as he sat up, and he looked at Rin through puffed, red eyes as Rin regarded him with concern. "Are you okay?" he asked, though it looked like he knew the answer.

Haru's tears began to flow anew. "No, Rin," Haru sobbed, voice cracking at his cries. "No, I'm not." He was pulled into a hug.

"I love him, Rin," he cried as Rin petted his hair. "I miss him, _so_ much."

Haru wailed against Rin's shoulder, cried about how he was sorry, though he didn't know what he was sorry for anymore. For himself? For Rin? For everything that he hadn't done and couldn't say?

Haru clung to Rin and sobbed loudly, letting out every emotion he had been holding on to for so long. He could never show those emotions to Makoto, now. Not when he was so happy without him. Not when he'd moved forward without him.

Haru felt tears on his shoulder and began to cry all over again, knowing full well that Rin was probably tearing up next to him, hurting for him. He didn't deserve Rin, didn't deserve his friendship, his trust, his sympathy.

But in this moment he was more than grateful for it. They stayed like that for a while, until Rin and Haru fell asleep, Rin still holding him, as if to hold him away from his pain.


	9. It's Been Years

"Nice work, Nanase-san! Are you going on break?" one of the young apprentices called out to Haru as he took off his apron and made his way to the back entrance. He nodded at him before exiting.

Haru sat down on the bench nearby the back entrance, sighing as he took his break. So much happened to him in the last five years it sometimes made his head dizzy.

He had trained under Coach Sasabe's relative who had opened up a seafood restaurant, sourcing its ingredients from the fishermen in the fishing village close by. He had been at it for three years when his relative had offered to make him co-owner, and now he was responsible for the kitchens when he was away travelling, finding more inspiration for his ever expanding menu.

Which was all well and good, since the restaurant began to gain fame among food enthusiasts worldwide after more famous celebrities started to frequent the place. Now it was an attraction spot on the edge of Iwatobi, just along the border of the fishing village they sourced their ingredients from.

Haru sighed and took a sip of water as he continued to look up at the clear sky. It was around mid-July, so the heat was starting to pick up, and Haru squinted up at the glare of the sunlight. The back door opened and out stepped Nitori Aiichirou who stretched a little before taking notice of Haru.

"Ah, Nanase-san!" Nitori called out to him, and Haru nodded his acknowledgement. "Are you taking a breather out here?"

"Yeah," he replied and Nitori smiled at him.

"I'll be going off to get lunch with some of the managing staff while the kitchen is closed. Did you want anything?" he asked politely. Haru shook his head, and Nitori waved good bye as he went back inside before leaving with the staff members.

Haru remembered the day that Nitori had been hired as part of the management staff, nervous and clumsy at everything. He smiled to himself, because now Nitori was one of the three restaurant managers and took care of the floor, as well as trained new employees.

Now that Haru thought of it, almost everyone at Iwatobi was starting to get on with their lives. Nagisa had opened up a beauty salon with his sister, who had a fashion boutique on the floor above him. Rei was assisting a researcher at the local university who was studying the wildlife in the ocean. Rin was currently training as a professional swimmer, while translating for a publishing company that had an English branch. Even Gou was at an architectural firm, designing buildings and large structures that were being put up in the city. Nagisa had managed to squeeze a favour out of her and she was the one that had designed his salon.

Haru leaned back on his palms as he realized that all of his friends were starting to grow up, him included. It was nice to know that they were all doing okay.

_Well_, the thought drifted into Haru's mind before he could stop it, and he frowned to himself as he felt the wave of negative emotion pass over him. No matter how hard he tried, he still got this way whenever those thoughts managed to float through his mind.

It had been five years since that Obon festival, and he hadn't seen or heard from Makoto once.

Haru ran a hand through his hair as he leaned on his knees. The years without contact had done nothing to dull his feelings for his best friend, and it hurt whenever he didn't see him. It was even worse when he realized that Makoto was probably avoiding him, and Haru couldn't really blame him.

_"Haru-chan!" Haru turned around and was tackled by the twins, who looked at him wide-eyed and excited. Haru adjusted their scarves as they hugged him, making sure they didn't feel the chilly winter cold._

_"Ah, Haru-chan, guess what! We're going to see Onii-chan in the city!" Ran exclaimed, eyes bright with excitement. Haru's hands stilled when he heard what she said._

_"What?" he managed, and Ren spoke up, nuzzling his face into Haru's glove for some warmth._

_"Onii-chan and his girlfriend invited us to spend the holidays there with them! We're going to meet her family!" he cried before letting go of Haru and running around in the new snow. Haru watched the twins chase each other before their parents called to them so they could go. Haru waved them good bye, feeling the ache in his chest that was all too familiar by now._

Haru wished he could blame everything on Makoto, but he knew deep down that he couldn't. In a way, he was avoiding talking to Makoto just as much as Makoto was avoiding talking to him.

It didn't stop the hurt in his chest when he thought about him though.

Haru scratched his head, knowing full well that he was probably pretty pathetic. All these years had gone by, and Haru still had Makoto's old shirt, though it didn't smell like him anymore. He wore it to bed as often as he could, relishing in the memories that it brought him, all those years of innocent bliss when growing up wasn't on the forefront of their minds, when all Haru knew was Makoto being a constant by his side.

When all Haru knew was how to take Makoto for granted.

Haru could admit to himself every once in a while that he missed him, missed the familiarity. The gentle presence that Makoto was, the way he looked out for him and was always there next to him. Haru didn't have that anymore.

He probably was planning to marry that girlfriend of his.

Haru shook his head, chasing the thought away. He couldn't deal with the thought of Makoto marrying his girlfriend without at least talking to him once. If Makoto was going to marry her, he would have lost his chance to say anything. He hadn't heard anything from the twins, so perhaps nothing had happened in that direction for those two.

Haru thought a little of the twins. They had entered their first year of high school this last spring and the very idea made Haru feel old. He remembered how small they used to be, now they were all grown up. Ren especially, who had shot up during his last two summers.

Haru felt a little bittersweet whenever he looked at Ren. Seeing his demeanor, the way he treated people, especially now that he was so tall, reminded him so much of Makoto that it hurt to look at him. He would always stare wide eyed at people that he was meeting for the first time, before smiling gently and tilting his head a little to the side.

It was such a Makoto-like gesture that Haru sometimes had to swallow back tears.

Haru thought of how he was probably going to go home later and fill up another few pages in his sketchbook with the face that was already burned into his mind after haunting dreams filled with them when he heard a high pitched screeching. Haru jumped off the bench and ran into the kitchen as the fire alarm continued to screech its shrill ring. He saw two of the new apprentices, one looking utterly terrified, and the other looking at his hands that were holding a frying pan, staring at the ridiculous flame that was beginning to lick at the exhaust just above the stove.

"N-Nanase-san!" the one with the frying pan, Tomoji, whimpered as he looked at Haru.

"Put the fire out!" he yelled over the alarm, deciding it would be best to ask questions later.

"W-water!" the other apprentice, Sakuya, cried as she dashed to the sink and began to throw water at the pan.

"No!" Haru started, but the water hit the pan before he could do anything, and the flame erupted as soon as Sakuya had thrown water at it, making Tomoji drop the pan on the floor. Haru grabbed both of them by the wrist as he walked out the back door. "Call the fire department," he said as he pulled them out, and Tomoji nodded teary eyed as he dialed the number.

Haru sighed as he stood outside the restaurant with the two new apprentices. He'd have a talk with them later, right now he hoped that the fire department showed up before the rest of the his kitchen burned up.

"Nanase-san! Are you alright?" Nitori called to him as he and the management staff returned. Haru nodded at him and he looked mildly relieved. "What happened here anyway?"

"Unsupervised kitchen fire," he mumbled as three fire fighters came out of the kitchen's back door, while the two apprentices whimpered and bowed at them, apologizing profusely. "They were experimenting without me there to watch."

Nitori clicked his tongue as he put his hands on his hips. "They were already lectured about things like this," he sighed. "Perhaps this time, with something so major like this, they'll learn not to get too cocky." Haru hummed his agreement.

Nitori left to talk with one of the fire fighters about the damage assessment, thanking them for the trouble, and apologizing on behalf of the apprentices. Haru was zoning out, thinking of giving the apprentices onion and dish duty until they managed to chop and wash enough to cover the damage, when he heard a familiar laugh that almost made him drop his water bottle.

"No, not at all, Nitori-kun. It's minimal damage, although you may have to repaint the kitchen," Haru's palms began to grow sweaty at the voice, and he felt his heart pick up its pace.

"I'm surprised to see you here like this, though. It's been too long hasn't it?" Nitori replied, and Haru couldn't help how slowly his head turned.

_It can't be._

"I'll let the staff know what you've just told me," Nitori said, waving to the fire fighter. "It was nice seeing you again, Tachibana-san!"

Haru stood up immediately, turning to look at the fire fighter that Nitori was just talking to. His back was turned, and he could barely see anything, but the way he carried himself gave Haru a sense of familiarity that he hadn't felt in so long he almost felt like crying.

"Tachibana," he said out loud, and he saw the fire fighter flinch, before turning to face him slowly. Haru was met with green, and he felt himself shake with emotion as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "Makoto?"

Makoto blinked wide eyed at him, before his eyes settled into a much gentler expression. Haru wanted to kiss that expression right off his face, but he was afraid that he would trip and fall as he ran to him.

"Haru..."


	10. These Intense Emotions

It occurred belatedly to Haru that he was probably staring at Makoto.

It occurred double belatedly to Haru that Makoto was probably saying something to him as he watched his mouth move.

"Sorry, what?" he swallowed when Makoto's lips stopped moving. Great. It had barely even been five minutes since they'd seen each other in five years, and Haru was already a mess.

"I said, how have you been, Haru?" Makoto said again, gentler, slower, as he turned to face him, taking off his fireman's hat to wipe his brow.

"I've been..." _lonely, desolate, missing you_, was what Haru really wanted to say. "... alright," was what he actually said.

Makoto scratched the back of his head, and Haru suddenly became aware of the painfully awkward atmosphere between them. "How..." Haru started, and the words caught in his throat when Makoto glanced up at him through is eyelashes. Had they always been that long and dark? Haru swallowed. "How have you been?"

Makoto laughed nervously as he sat on the step on the side of the fire truck. "I've been... well," he managed to say as he looked down at the ground.

Haru began to wonder why this was suddenly so difficult. He could hear his heart beat in his ears as he stared down at Makoto, who was leaning his hands on his knees. _I missed you_, he thought, wishing Makoto would hear the thoughts screaming through his mind, willing him to hear what he felt, what he was still too afraid to say. _I missed you so much, Makoto. I thought of you everyday. Have you thought of me?_

"You work as a chef now?" Makoto asked as he stood up, looking at the building as Nitori continued to lecture the two apprentices at fault as they kneeled in front of him.

"Yeah," he said quietly, watching Makoto's profile as he stared mildly at the scene. Makoto's jaw line was more defined, structured, the line of his nose and eyebrows more prominent, sharp. Haru wanted to trace his hand over the lines of Makoto's face, so he could recreate it in his sketch books, so he could draw the changes in the face he thought he knew so well, thought he had memorized so well.

It hurt to know that Makoto continued to change over the years without him there.

"I'm glad for you, Haru," Makoto turned to smile at him, and Haru found that even his smile was a little different. More mature, more faded with adulthood. It was still kind and gentle and soothing, but it was so different from the smile he remembered, the smile he dreamed about, that it was almost difficult to keep looking.

"You're a fire fighter," he stated, knowing that it would be a redundant question. Makoto scratched the back of his head, humming his acknowledgement.

"Only during the summer," he said after a while. "I'm currently working as an assistant teacher at a middle school a few train stops over."

"You teach?" Haru looked up at him, wondering what a more mature Makoto would looking teaching, nurturing children who were moving on to their futures.

"Japanese Literature," he said. The other two firefighters began to head towards the truck, and Makoto turned to Haru. "It was nice seeing you."

Haru wanted to ask him to stay, not to leave, so they could continue to catch up, so they could continue to work through the years of silence between them. He just nodded at Makoto, before he watched Makoto get into the truck and drive away.

"You saw Mako-chan?!" Nagisa screeched at Haru as he moved to put down food on the table. They were eating dinner at his house today, one of the traditions they'd kept to try to keep up with each other's lives. Rin and Rei looked up at him, and he tried to compose himself.

"Yeah," was all he said, and Nagisa grabbed on to his wrist, nearly making him drop the rest of the food he was still holding.

"Why? What happened? Did you ask him anything? Is Mako-chan doing well?" he cried.

"Nagisa-kun," Rei reprimanded. "Haruka-san is going to drop the food if you keep doing that." Nagisa let go, but still puffed his cheeks up, expectant of an answer.

"A fire caught in the kitchen at work today," he said simply, sitting down between Rin and Rei.

"Makoto-san's a fire fighter?" Rei asked as they thanked Haru for the food before they began.

"During the summers only," he said through a mouthful of food. Rin arched an eyebrow at him.

"So what does he do the rest of the year?" Rin asked.

"Teaches," Haru replied. Rin hummed his amazement.

"All these years and you'd think he'd tell us," Rin muttered. Haru felt his expression drop despite himself, and Rin flustered out an apology. Silence hovered over the table, the group having an unspoken knowledge of why Makoto suddenly stopped contacting.

"Sorry," Haru murmured, nibbling on a piece of chicken.

"No, no. I shouldn't have brought it up," Rin sighed as he grabbed some vegetables. "But you managed to talk to him, so that's a start. Did you ask if he changed his number?"

Haru blinked at Rin's question. "Err," Haru breathed out, and Rin clicked his tongue, muttering a little under his breath.

"I'll text him!" Nagisa yelled, spraying a bit of rice over Rei, who shrieked about closing his mouth, while he fished around his bag for his phone.

"Nagisa-kun!" Rei cried as he flicked off the bits of rice that covered his shirt.

"You sure that's a good idea, Nagisa?" Rin asked, although it looked like he was hoping it would work.

"I don't know, but it's worth a shot, right?" he said, before reciting the text as he pressed the buttons. "'Heard from Haru-chan that you were back in Iwatobi! We should get together again and hang out with everyone!' There, send!"

Haru held his breath as Nagisa put the phone down on the table. The group stared at it intently. Nagisa shrieked when the screen lit up, indicating a message, and everyone else clattered at the table, surprised and excited.

"He answered! He answered!" Rin cried as Nagisa grabbed his phone.

"Read it, Nagisa-kun!" Rei yelled as he held onto Nagisa's shoulders, reading the message over his head.

"'Yes, I am. It's nice to hear from you. We can hang out next week if you like, I'm off duty.' This is great! We get to see him!" Nagisa cried as he clung to the front of Rei's shirt. Rei smiled down at him.

"I'm going to punch him in the stomach when we see him," Rin muttered, if not without affection. "He's got a lot to catch us up on."

Haru felt himself slowly breath again as the group fell into an excited babble. He felt his hands grow sweaty, suddenly nervous at the prospect of seeing Makoto again.

"So," Rin said as he helped Haru clean up. "Did you ask him about his girlfriend?"

Haru paused in scrubbing the dishes. "No," he said truthfully. It had slipped his mind when he'd seen him last.

Rin put down the dish he was wiping dry and leaned against the counter. "Are you going to ask him next week?"

Haru fidgeted a little, scraping at a piece of stuck on food that wasn't actually there. "I... I don't know how," he admitted. How did that even come up in a conversation? _By the way, the girl you're in love with, are you still together? Because I'd like to get with you and jump your bones_, Haru almost laughed at himself.

Rin scratched his chin, before chuckling to himself, probably guessing where Haru's line of thought had gone. "It won't be that hard, Nagisa's good at uninhibited interrogation," he said.

Haru continued to wash the dishes in silence with Rin, thinking about next week. Rin coughed and caught Haru's attention. "Haru," he began, and Haru arched an eyebrow at him. "You've got to tell him how you feel, even if he's still with his girlfriend, okay? You'll regret not telling him at all."

"I know," Haru felt dejected. He had been regretting it all the years before, after all.

"I'm serious," Rin continued, and Haru looked up at him. "I never actually admitted this, but before I confessed to you, I had gone to Makoto to ask if he thought you liked me." Haru blinked and looked at Rin carefully, a little stunned at the admission. "He isn't as good of a mind reader as you think he is, so you need to be direct with him when it comes to your feelings."

"Okay," Haru replied, and Rin looked satisfied.

"So, now that's out of the way," Rin said and Haru could practically feel the confusion spread across his face. "How's he look?"

"Huh?" was all Haru managed.

"Is Makoto good looking?" Rin asked with a raised eyebrow and Haru practically blanched. "Oh, come on, he's a fire fighter. You're not telling me that you didn't think he was smoking hot."

"Rin," Haru scolded, trying to wave away the thoughts from his head.

"What, I can't admire him?" Rin chuckled at Haru's flustered appearance. "Do you know how much the gear they wear weighs all together? I bet he could lift me with one arm."

"Rin, stop," Haru could feel the blood collecting in his ears.

"Imagine if he had to carry you out of the restaurant. He could probably manage to toss you over his shoulder," he continued, more to embarrass Haru at this point. "I wouldn't mind being manhandled like that-"

"Rin!" Haru covered his ears when Rin stopped to laugh at him. Haru tried hard not to imagine Makoto throwing him over his shoulder before tossing him unceremoniously on his bed, pealing off his fire fighter's gear layer by layer, before climbing on top of him and allowing Haru to run his fingers along defined muscles, flexing under his touch -

_Shit._

He smacked Rin when he heard howling laughter next to him.

Haru started awake and looked at the clock on the wall, noting that it was way too early to be startled awake.

He jumped out of bed and began to pace his room, trying to avoid the contents of his dream that were way too vivid to just be a dream.

_Warm, calloused hands ran over his body as a shivery breath left him. He felt a chuckle coast against his skin and he looked down, eyes met with green as he was regarded through long, thick lashes._

_"Does it feel good, Haru?"_

"Ugh," Haru sank to the ground as he mussed up his hair. It wasn't like he hadn't had dreams like those over the years, but this one in particular was just too real for him to really feel comfortable.

Haru looked down at the shirt he was currently wearing. He wished it still smelled like him, but years of having worn it had worked to fade the scent that he longed for at this moment.

Haru climbed back into bed, shedding his boxers as he trailed a hand over his chest, closing his eyes to conjure up the images from his dream.

_Warm lips gently traced the lines of his body as he threaded his fingers through soft hair. He felt a breath escape him as those lips began to kiss along the junction of his hip, a tongue barely touching him as it traced the 'v' defined there._

Haru sighed as he licked his lips that were suddenly dry with the ragged, needy breaths that escaped him as he finally grabbed at his cock, pumping a slow rhythm that his hips matched languidly as he traced circles around his nipples.

_Haru._

"Hah," Haru didn't try to stop the ragged moan that escaped him as he continued to imagine calloused hands kneading his butt cheeks, before they continued to trail his skin lightly as they moved around to massage his inner thighs, spreading him open.

"_Fuck_," he felt the word escape him as he brought his other hand to his mouth, licking two fingers before bringing them back down at his entrance. He bit his lip as he traced himself slowly, before plunging one finger in slowly, spreading his legs as he tried to find the place that made him shiver.

_Here, Haru?_

"_Yeah_," he moaned, answering his phantom lover when he found the spot that sent shivers down his spine. His hips began to thrust harder into his hand. "_Ahh..._"

_You look so good, Haru._

"_Please_," he begged, feeling himself hovering on the edge. "_Makoto_," he nearly choked on the name as he squeezed hard, releasing into his hand. A few more pumps and he was gone, spent and heaving shaky breaths as he came down from his orgasm, eyes glassy with satisfaction.

Haru got up and washed his hands, before daring to look at himself in the mirror. He looked at his reflection, noting that his skin looked more flushed, looking more satisfied from this release than he ever had over the years.

He leaned his head on the cool marble of the sink, groaning into his palms.

These feelings had gotten worse over the years. Haru wasn't too sure how to feel about that.


	11. Beginning to Grow Closer

"I'm so excited!" Nagisa exclaimed as they walked to the front entrance way of the mall. "It's been a while since we've seen him, right, Rei-chan?"

Rei looked down at the blond who was clinging to his sleeve with affection. "He must have been busy, Nagisa-kun," he said as they continued down the sidewalk. "He didn't even manage to come home all these years after all. His family always went to visit him in Tokyo."

Haru watched their close, almost intimate way they interacted with each other and wondered briefly if they had discussed their relationship, or if they had just drifted closer and closer unconsciously. They had agreed to meet Makoto at the entrance and all four of them were walking together.

Haru could feel his palms sweating. It had been five years since all of them were together, he couldn't help but feel nervous, especially with how his feelings would still erupt in his stomach and make his heart beat irregular when he thought of Makoto. He swallowed and tried to cover up his sudden burst of nausea that came with his nerves.

"Haru, we're going to see Makoto, not to secretly assassinate you," Rin startled Haru out of his thoughts as he watched him with a smirk. "Lighten up."

"Shut up," Haru looked away as he muttered, trying to hide the blush that he knew was blooming on his cheeks. Nagisa giggled at him with affection, and Rei looked at him fondly. Haru took a deep breath and tried to relax, but he could feel his clammy palms begin to shake the closer they got to the agreed meeting spot.

The group looked around, trying to spot Makoto in the afternoon crowd of idle mall-goers. "I don't see him," Nagisa said as he used his hand to try to block out the glare of the sun. Haru squinted against the light as he searched for that familiar but not familiar figure.

They had been standing there searching for ten minutes when Rin clicked his tongue. "Are you sure he's even here Nagisa?" he sighed as he scratched his head.

Nagisa pouted up at Rin. "_Yes_, I'm sure. He texted me saying he was waiting by the benches in the front," he replied as he opened the message to show Rin. Rin grumbled as he strained his neck.

Rei pointed at a group of girls standing around a bench as he tapped Nagisa on the shoulder. "Ah, Nagisa-kun?" he asked with uncertainty. Everyone turned to look at where Rei was pointing. "Is that Makoto-san in the middle of that group?"

Haru could feel his expression darken as he watched the scene unfold before him. Makoto looked devastating in his shirt, the two top buttons open, sleeves rolled up to mid forearm that accentuated his muscles there. He was wearing his glasses and he was looking mildly exasperated but in good nature at the group of girls that were obviously trying to get him to accompany them around the mall.

Rin chuckled next to him. "What did I say? Total heart breaker," he whispered to Haru, and he had to fight not to turn his scowl towards Rin. The group made their way towards him, starting to pick up the conversation between him and the group surrounding him.

"Sorry, no. I'm waiting for friends," he laughed as he tried to wave them off, leaning back on his palms. The girls cooed around him, and Haru could practically feel his veins pop in his clenched fists.

"Aw, but you've been sitting here for ten minutes, haven't you? Come on, you'll have fun with us! We'll take care of you," one girl pouted as she sat down next to him, pressing her body into his arm as she looked up at him through fluttered lashes. Haru could hear his friends giggle behind him at the conspiracy.

Haru watched the girl's body language as she continued to press into Makoto's side, making it very clear exactly how interested she was. Haru wanted Makoto to move away from her, to jump up and run away, but he was too kind for that. Instead he laughed at her before he stood up, moving out of the group around him. He put his hands in his pockets as he smiled at the group of girls who were eyeing him with ravenous expressions.

"I really am waiting for friends, you know. It's been a while since I've seen them," he replied to them as he looked down at the girls. They all looked up at him with adoring expressions, and Haru wondered briefly what it would be like to openly show emotion to Makoto like that.

"Makoto," he called out, and Makoto turned around wide eyed to face Haru and the group. Haru stared at him as blankly as he could while his friends waved at him.

"I have to go now, it was nice meeting you all," Makoto said politely as he walked away from the girls. He tried to walk to them as confidently as he could, but Haru was picking up on the girls' conversation, and he could see the blush slowly make its way up Makoto's neck.

"His name is Makoto! That's so cute," one girl whispered as her friend giggled.

"It's a cute name for a cute boy with a cute butt," one of the more confident girls said a bit louder so that it was definitely heard by Haru and everyone else there. The group of girls giggled and hummed in agreement. Haru looked up at Makoto, who had stopped in front of his friends, covering his mouth to hid his blush as he stared at them with wide, embarrassed, amused eyes.

Rin choked on his laughter while Nagisa grinned from ear to ear. Rei coughed, clearly embarrassed by the confident display of bodily appreciation towards Makoto. "It's been a while, Makoto-san," Rei said.

Makoto moved his hand to smile at his friends, ears still a little pink since the girls were still looking at him from behind. "It's nice to see you all. Err, sorry about... well... whatever that was," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. Rin arched an amused eyebrow as he tilted his head to peak at the girls who were still there, stares drilling into Makoto from behind. It was obvious exactly what part of him they were staring at. "Let's go," he coughed, making it obvious he could feel the stares. Haru glared at them as they began to walk away.

"You always get reactions like that when you go out, Makoto?" Rin asked as they began to walk around the mall.

Makoto let out a breathy, nervous laugh. "Ah, well... sometimes?" he sounded unsure of how to respond to the question. Rin snickered next to him. "At first I thought that it was Hakune that was getting all the attention, but I guess... it wasn't just her." Rin managed to sound sinister as he continued to laugh at Makoto's embarrassment.

Haru arched his eyebrow up at Makoto. _Hakune_, he thought, realizing that was probably the name of his girlfriend. He bit the inside of his cheek to avoid showing too much emotion at hearing Makoto say her name so casually.

"How is Haku-chan doing, Mako-chan?" Nagisa asked carefully, flashing a glance in Haru's direction before looking up at Makoto intently.

"She's doing well," came his reply as his eyes clouded over a little with nostalgia and fondness. "She works at a company in America right now, so we exchange e-mails every so often."

Rei furrowed his eyebrows for a fraction of a second before going back to looking composed. "You must miss her, Makoto-san," he said softly.

Haru watched Makoto's expression melt into bittersweet fondness as he stared ahead. "Of course I do. She's important to me, after all," he replied quietly. Haru turned away from his friends as they walked in silence. He knew he would hear about his girlfriend, it didn't mean he was ready for it.

He wasn't ready to hear about how important she was to Makoto, or how much he missed her.

The group began to notice, as they walked through the mall and stopped to look at shops, that people would double take as they passed them. Nagisa noticed it first, when he watched a pair of boys eye Makoto, before turning around to stare at his back when they passed him.

Rei noticed when he heard whispered comments on Makoto's figure, easily noticed by the clothes that fit him so well.

Rin noticed when girls came up to him and asked about his friend in the glasses, the tall one, with the great butt. Rin looked at Makoto's butt to confirm if it was in fact great.

Haru didn't need to notice any of it, he could feel people staring at Makoto as they continued to walk around the mall, catching up and talking. He stood close to Makoto, and eyed anyone that were staring at them with as much anger as he could muster.

"God, Makoto, can you put a lid on the pheromones, please?" Rin joked when they sat down for lunch. Haru watched as Makoto tried to choke down a cough that was startled out of him as he sipped his drink.

"What? I'm sorry?" his voice was a little higher than normal as he looked at Rin with bewildered amusement.

"You have been blatantly checked out by a number of people since we've gotten here," he points out to him. Makoto lets out a nervous laugh, although he sounds amused by Rin's observation.

"Was Haku-chan ever jealous of the attention you got?" Nagisa asked as he sat down, stuffing his face with burger and fries.

Makoto swallowed his food before shaking his head. "If anything she was proud and found it amusing," he replied with a raised eyebrow. "She got similar attention, after all."

"Really?" Rei asked. "Hakune wasn't uncomfortable with it?"

Makoto shrugged. "No, she said it was funny and that she trusted me. She knew I wasn't going to do anything anyway," he replied.

"You have a really nice girlfriend, Mako-chan," Nagisa replied as he glanced at Haru, who was trying very hard to not show any signs of breaking.

Makoto blinked before letting out a nervous laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck. "I.. uh," he began, trying to find the words. Haru watched Makoto, feeling dread pool at the pit of his stomach.

_She's actually my fiancée._

Haru felt panic creep through his arms as it made his palms sweat. That's why he was acting the way he was right now. _She's not just my girlfriend, she's actually my fiancée._ Haru didn't want to hear it. He didn't need to hear it. Not when he'd just begun to reconnect with Makoto. No, please, Haru didn't want-

"We actually broke up a while ago," came Makoto's reply. The table was stunned into silence, and Haru stared ahead of him, at nothing, shocked.

"What? Mako-chan!" Nagisa sounded shocked, although he did look at Haru briefly at the news. Haru glanced up at Makoto, trying to weigh how to react to the situation, unsure if he should feel happiness.

"You seemed really happy with Hakune, Makoto," Rin remarked. "What happened?"

"Hm? Oh, no, no. We didn't break up because of anything _bad_," Makoto began, realizing the concern that was radiating from his friends. "She got a scholarship from a school in America, and we both agreed that it would be hard on both of us if we tried to keep up our relationship."

"Makoto-san," Rei sounded sad for Makoto when he heard the story.

"It's fine you guys, really," Makoto laughed gently at everyone's concerned expressions. "She's still a good friend. Probably one of the best friends I've ever had."

_Best friend_, Haru thought. He briefly wondered if Makoto still thought of him as a best friend.

"Did it hurt?" Rin asked quietly. A heavy silence settled above the group while they waited for Makoto's answer.

"Of course it did. She was my first long-term relationship," Makoto sighed, eyes distant. "Even before that, she was one of the first people I got close to in university. I didn't want to lose her over something like us breaking up."

He looked around the table before smiling. "It's fine you guys, I still talk to her. We were good friends before we started dating. Something small wasn't going to ruin us like that."

"Haru, you should jump him," Rin said to him as they wash their hands in the washroom.

"Rin, just stop," Haru felt his exasperation seeping through his voice.

"Haru," Rin started again, ignoring the glare that Haru shot him. "He broke up with his girlfriend _a while ago_. You have literally been presented with the perfect opportunity to tell him you'd be more than happy to jump him, so why not?"

Haru bit his lip, and Rin lost his ability to tease and joke at the situation. "I wouldn't feel right doing it that way," Haru murmured quietly as Rin looked at him. "I... I didn't do it right when I confessed last time. I just went in blindly. I want... I want to do a better job of treasuring him first."

Rin blinked owlishly at Haru, surprised by the response. "Then," he began. "Be there for Makoto like how he was for you."

It was Haru's turn to blink at Rin. "He gave you a lot without expecting anything back, right?" Rin asked, watching Haru nod. "Then be there for him, the same way he was for you."

Haru looked at Rin before allowing a smile to pull at the corners of his mouth. "Thanks, Rin," he replied.

Haru and Rin walked out of the washroom to the others, who were waiting.

Haru promised himself that he would wait to confess. He was going to treasure Makoto more.

The way he was sure Makoto always treasured his friends.


	12. This Could Almost Be

Haru looked at the price of the different brands of shiitake mushrooms before putting one of the bundles back. He checked the grocery list in his hand, sighing as he crossed off another item.

Sometimes his boss would send him a recipe idea while he was out of the country, so it had become up to Haru to invent new recipes according to what was in season. After the last two of his dishes had included mackerel, his boss warned him that a third dish would be pretty bland.

Haru eyed the fresh catch of mackerel from where he was standing. Perhaps just one small mackerel for himself. Having an empty stomach while you were inventing new dishes wasn't really recommended anyway. Hunger tended to warp the palette.

Haru scanned the fish idly before picking one and getting the clerk to bag it for him. He looked down into his basket. The idle chatter of the super market lulled his thoughts to flow easily, as he recalled the time he spent with Makoto and everyone else a few days prior.

_We actually broke up a while ago._

_She's still a good friend. Probably one of the best friends I've ever had._

_Something small wasn't going to ruin us like that._

Haru could feel himself sigh despite himself. He could feel the envy spread through him when he'd heard those words, and it wasn't like that feeling was going to go away.

It wasn't even because he felt any sort of jealousy towards Makoto's ex-girlfriend, it was more that he was envious of how strong their relationship seemed to be.

It had to be, after all, if they were still close despite her living in another country.

Despite them breaking up.

Haru moved through the aisles as he looked down at his list for the recipe he was supposed to try out. He still needed the white wine and the leeks. He moved through the aisle to look for a good wine to get. He was running out of alcohol at home anyway.

"Haru?" he heard, and Haru whipped his head around to see Makoto, grocery basket and shopping list in hand, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Fancy meeting you here," Makoto said lightly, and Haru looked down at the ground, suddenly self conscious of what he was wearing. It was just baggy clothes, since he was at the grocery store, but Makoto was wearing a lose shirt and jeans and his glasses and Haru couldn't help think how it was doing everything for him right now.

Haru briefly thought that he should just burn his whole wardrobe and get Nagisa to help him replace it.

"How are you?" he mumbled as he stared ahead at the white wine in front of him. He suddenly forgot how to pick out a good wine.

"Okay, just getting some groceries," Makoto replied as he looked down fondly at Haru, who was now fingering one of the bottles, pretending to contemplate if this brand was better. "How about you?"

"I'm fine," he replied. There was a small pause, and Haru could feel himself get more nervous under Makoto's gaze. "Just... trying out a recipe for the restaurant."

"Really?" Makoto said with interest. "You do that often?"

Haru nodded up at him, admiring the way his eyes seemed to shimmer as he looked at him. "My boss travels a lot so I get left in charge of keeping the menu up to season," he replied.

Makoto hummed his amazement. "You're amazing, Haru," he said, causing Haru to turn away with a blush. "I could never do something like make up a recipe."

Haru decided that the bottle that he had been staring at was probably good enough. He took it and put it in his basket. "It's nothing," he muttered, walking away with Makoto following after him.

"Well, it was nice seeing you, Haru," Makoto said as he began to turn into a different aisle. Haru blinked at him wide eyed.

'Wait," he called out before he could stop himself. Makoto turned around with a surprised expression. Haru wished the ground would open up and swallow him, he could feel his whole body burning with panic and embarrassment.

"Something wrong, Haru?" Makoto asked gently, and Haru took a deep, slow breath before replying.

"W-what are you doing tomorrow?" he asked, peering at Makoto from under his lashes.

"Well, I'm on duty tomorrow," Makoto replied, and Haru could feel his heart sink a bit. "But," Makoto continued, and Haru perked up, hopeful. "I have a break from eleven to four so the station can use the volunteers."

Haru swallowed, he could practically feel his palms clam up as he stood there, staring at Makoto, who was watching him with a slightly quirked brow. "Did you," he began, licking his lips a bit nervously, "did you want to stop by? I have my break at two."

Makoto blinked at him, as if surprised by the invitation. A calm, gentle smile spread across his face, and Haru would have burst into tears if he wasn't so nervous for a reply. "I'd like that, Haru," he replied. "I won't be able to come in though," he continued. Haru scrunched his brows together, confused. "I'll be in my fire fighter gear still."

Haru stared at him, before blinking a little, suddenly coming up with an idea. "Come in through the back door," he replied. "Just knock. I usually sit by the bench that's around there anyway."

Makoto nodded at him, and Haru could feel his chest swell with relief and something else he wasn't sure to call. "Sure, I'll see you tomorrow, then, yeah?" Makoto smiled before waving at him, heading down another aisle, shopping list still in hand.

Haru watched him turn the corner before going to pay at the register. The groceries were a little heavy, but Haru figured that it was a good thing that they were difficult to carry.

He wondered if skipping was normal for a 23 year old man to do, and decided that running home was probably a better idea.

"Nanase-san, good work today!" one of the apprentices called to him as he took off his apron. He nodded at them, fighting the smile that was slowly pushing itself on his face. He glanced at the clock. Five minutes to two o'clock, and Haru could feel himself get antsy.

Haru walked to the back door when Nitori popped out of the backroom. "Ah, Nanase-san! Are you on break?" he asked. Haru nodded. "Alright. I'm just organizing some papers, so you go on ahead, okay?" Haru watched as Nitori disappeared again into the backroom, phone in hand.

Haru stood for a moment to stare at the back door. He wiped his palms on his pants before opening the door slowly.

"Oh!" Haru looked up to see Makoto standing there, hand poised as if to knock. He blinked in surprise.

"Sorry, did I scare you?" he replied as Makoto slowly lowered his hand.

"No, you just surprised me. I was about to knock," he answered. Haru nodded, eyeing Makoto in his fire fighter's gear.

He wasn't wearing his jacket, which was draped on the bench. Instead, he was wearing a tight under armor shirt and his pants, which were being held up by suspenders.

Haru wished he couldn't see exactly how Makoto's muscles flexed under his tight shirt.

"How was work?" Makoto asked as they made to sit down on the bench.

Haru sat next to him, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Fine," he replied. "Lunch rush just ended, so I'm a bit tired."

Makoto went to open his mouth, when a grumbling sound cut off whatever sentence he was about to start. Haru looked up, to find that Makoto was beginning to turn pink. Haru couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips. Makoto looked adorably embarrassed, and Haru felt nostalgia tug at him back when Makoto used to fluster more often.

"Sorry," he muttered, rubbing at his piercing. Haru noticed that he did this out of nerves, a new habit that he'd developed while he was apart from him. "I didn't get to eat very much lunch while at the station. I ended up training some of the volunteers while I was on break."

"Did you want me to make you something?" the words were out of Haru's mouth before he even realized he had said them. His eyes widened as he fought to stop the blush from spreading across his cheeks.

"I wouldn't want to make you start working while you're on break," Makoto replied lightly, rubbing his stomach to keep the noise down. "I'll just get something at the station after."

"I don't mind," Haru said quickly before hopping up. He walked towards the door before he lost his nerve. "Wait here, I'll be back." Haru turned, leaving a confused looking Makoto to blink after him.

About thirty minutes later, Haru came out with a pizza on a large plate. Makoto's eyes widened, and Haru had to ignore the sudden nerves that overtook him.

"I hope you like it," he muttered when he handed Makoto the plate. He watched Makoto stare at the pizza with a swallow. Haru fought the urge to fidget.

He'd cooked for so many people before, probably with more picky appetites, but now was the one time his nerves decided to bail on him?

"What is it?" Makoto asked as he took a piece off. He stared at it for a little bit before looking back to Haru.

"Smoked salmon," he replied as he watched Makoto take a big bite, contentment slowly spreading across his face. Haru licked his lips. "Is it good?"

"It's delicious, Haru!" Makoto exclaimed as he took another large, hungry bite. Haru released the breath he didn't realize he was holding, feeling relief and a swell of pride as he watched Makoto wolf down the food he'd made him.

It felt nice to watch Makoto eat something he made with so much appreciation.

"I-if you want," he stuttered as he watched Makoto finish off the rest of the pizza, smiling in warm satisfaction, "I could make you lunch from now on."

Makoto swallowed his last mouthful of food before looking at him with wide blinking eyes. "Are you serious?"

Haru looked away, rubbing his hands together. "Yeah, I don't mind," he replied softly. Haru looked back just in time to see Makoto smile at him, and it was so warm and so _familiar_ that Haru forgot what breathing was, and in that moment he didn't mind that he forgot.

"Then I'd like that very much, Haru. Thank you," came the warm response. Haru had to look away, knowing that he couldn't fight the happy blush that was making its way up his neck.

"You're welcome, Makoto," he said.

"Haru-chan! Over here!" Nagisa waved to him as he sat down near the bar with Rei and Rin. Haru glanced up at them before directing duties to the sous chef.

"Haru-chan, do you have any food for us?" Nagisa asked as he made his way over. It was a little dead in the restaurant, being after the lunch rush and just a little before dinner.

"If you didn't order anything, I don't have food for you," Haru sighed as he wiped the bar. Nagisa pouted at him.

"Boo, Haru-chan. You should always have food ready for your friends!" he proclaimed just as Nitori came out of the backroom, probably from taking a phone call.

"Hazuki-san, that's not how our restaurant works," he scolded lightheartedly as he organized the receipts that were left under the bar. "Hello Rin-san, Rei-san."

"Hello, Nitori-kun," Rei replied. "Should we order drinks while we sit here?"

"That would be nice of you," came his joking reply as he scribbled on some of the receipts. "Nanase-san is out here, so he could probably fix something for you."

"Ai," Rin said, startling Nitori to stand up and look at him.

"Y-yes, Rin-san?" came his nervous stutter. Haru kept his face as neutral as possible, but he could see the tiniest of blushes blooming on his cheek.

"Do you recommend anything?" he said as his eyes lazily gazed over the drink menu. Haru watched Nitori's shoulders slump slightly before he regained composure.

"It depends, are you ordering food, too?" he said as he continued to make calculations on the receipts.

"I want food!" Nagisa proclaimed. Haru just rolled his eyes.

"Well, if you order food, it depends on what you want. We have a large selection of white wine due to our seafood based menu, but there are some cocktails and mixed drinks that we offer also, if those are what you prefer," Nitori rattled on, never looking up from the receipts.

"Why can't you just tell Haru-chan to cook for us, Ai-chan?" Nagisa said, stretching his hands over his head. "He gets one meal for himself and someone else, right? I can just have that."

"Please don't call me Ai-chan," Nitori deadpanned.

"Why do you get the extra meal, Nagisa?" Rin muttered at him from over the menu.

"Nagisa-kun," Rei began to scold him, "You shouldn't use Haruka-san's privileges like that."

"Well, it's not like anyone else is eating that extra meal," came Nagisa's argument back.

"Actually, someone has already been eating the extra meal," Nitori replied as he finished up with the receipts. Haru stiffened as he felt three pairs of eyes shoot identical accusatory stares at him. "Excuse me, I have to finish these." Nitori moved away from the bar, unaware of the havoc he just brought up.

Haru mentally cursed himself for not asking Nitori to keep quiet about it. It's not like Nitori _wouldn't_ know about what he'd been doing with the extra meal, it's just that he didn't want the others to know what he was doing with it.

"Haru-chan," Nagisa said lowly, menacingly. Haru looked to him with a carefully blank expression. "Who's been getting an extra meal?"

"No one," Haru lied quickly. He knew this wasn't going to be easy to avoid.

"Haru," Rin said as he leaned over the bar to look at Haru closely. "Are you hiding something from us?"

"Not in particular."

"Haru-chan," Nagisa whined at him. "Why would you give away your meal if it's not to me? I always eat your food in the most appreciative way possible!"

"Nagisa, that's debatable," Rin shot him a look before turning back to Haru, who had found an interest in his nails all of a sudden.

"Haruka-san," Rei began, and Haru felt something form in his gut. "Are you giving the extra meal to Makoto-san?"

The moment of silence said everything.

"Haru-chan!" Nagisa cried. "Why didn't you tell us you were talking to Mako-chan again?"

"Wow, Haru, you move pretty quick," Rin teased. Haru glared at him through narrowed eyes.

"Does he like your food? Have you gone out with him yet? When was your first date? Did you kiss?" Nagisa's flurry of questions made Haru feel dizzy. He put one hand on the bar to steady himself as he rubbed his temple.

"I'm not dating him," came his slow, exasperated reply.

"What? Haru, why not?" Rin sounded incredulous.

"Because we're just friends," Haru said.

"Haru-chan, you still like Mako-chan, don't you?" Nagisa reasoned. "He's single now. So you should date him."

Haru sighed as he straightened the front of his chef's jacket. "It's too soon," came his quiet answer.

Nagisa's expression dropped and Haru had to look away. He knew his friends meant well, he just wasn't sure how to proceed. He had talked enough with Makoto since he started making him lunch, and it wasn't like they were actually strangers.

Haru's attention was drawn back to Nagisa, who had giggled a little. "If you say it's too soon, then it's too soon," he said, and something about Nagisa's tone set an alarm in Haru's head. "Are you free next weekend?"

"Why?" came his automatic, suspicious reply.

"No reason. The mall is hosting an expo for small businesses around here, so I wanted to go with everyone," Nagisa explained. Haru shrugged away his suspicion. Maybe it was just his imagination.

Rei and Rin were looking at Haru with odd expressions and Haru couldn't shake off the feeling that he was missing something. "I guess I'm free," he said.

"Great! Meet us at the front entrance at one!" he said with his usual exuberance before he hopped off from the bar stool. He pulled Rei down from his seat, and Rin soon followed.

Haru watched them leave, wondering what exactly was going on.


	13. First Time for Everything

Haru walked briskly down the sidewalk, hurriedly walking through the crowd.

He was running a little late to meet with everyone for the small businesses expo at the mall, and he quickened his pace as he thought to how odd his conversation was with Nagisa the night before.

_"We're just going to meet you there, Haru-chan!" Nagisa said over the phone as he stirred the pot of stew that he was trying out for the restaurant. _

_If Haru could eye Nagisa suspiciously over the phone he probably would. "So all of you are just going to walk together while I meet you there?" he asked, incredulous. Normally they'd all meet up at the station and go together, so this was odd behaviour._

_"Uh-huh!" Nagisa's voice had gone a higher pitch, as if aware that Haru was suspicious of him._

_"Alright," Haru conceded with a sigh, figuring he didn't want to understand Nagisa anyway, "if that's what you want."_

He turned the corner and looked around. He didn't see any sign of Makoto or Nagisa, so he sat down on one of the benches and waited. About five minutes later, a hurried looking Makoto turned the corner, frantically looking around before spotting Haru on the benches.

"Oh, Haru, you're here," he said a little breathlessly. "Sorry I was running late, were you waiting long?"

Haru shook his head and moved over so Makoto could sit next to him, trying to ignore the electricity that shot up his arm when Makoto's sleeve brushed against him. He swallowed, licking his lips nervously.

They sat there for a quiet, painfully awkward ten minutes, Haru wishing that the sky would open and Amaterasu would fry him with the sun. Haru couldn't figure out what to say to him, couldn't even look at him properly, not when he looked so good in his stupid, well fitted shirt, and stupid, well fitted pants, and stupid, well fitted body, with his stupid green eyes and-

"Ah, it's Nagisa," Makoto said as he pulled out his phone, and Haru wiped his palms on his pants as Makoto answered the phone. "Nagisa, where are you guys? ... Rei what? ... Rin did what? Uh, well Haru and I are here already, did you want us to- Hello, Nagisa?" Haru watched Makoto stare at his phone, looking utterly confused.

Haru furrowed his brows at Makoto. "Uh... They're not coming, Haru," he said slowly. Haru blinked.

"What?" he looked shocked as he stared at Makoto.

Haru briefly thought of all the was he was going to _kill_ Nagisa.

Makoto stood there, stuck between staring at his phone and blinking at Haru, and despite his panic he couldn't help but think how adorably lost he looked.

"So," Makoto began. "Did you just want to go home? We could try again some other time."

"No," Haru said quickly, despite his initial panic. Makoto turned around to blink up at him, and Haru could feel that wave of panic all over again. "We... we should look around," he licked his lips as Makoto turned to face him fully, "since we're already here."

Makoto slowly put his phone back in his pocket slowly. "You really want to spend today with just me?" he said wryly, one eyebrow raised as if in disbelief.

_I want to spend everyday with just you_, was what Haru was thought but he answered with, "I don't mind."

"Alright then," Makoto smiled gently, gesturing to the direction of the mall for Haru to go first.

Haru bowed awkwardly as he walked passed Makoto, who smiled at him with good nature, suddenly realizing that this was probably Nagisa's way of pushing them to date.

He glanced up at the sky, pleading for rain, for hail, anything that might kill him, he couldn't stop himself from shaking.

"Where did you want to go first?" Makoto asked as he looked at a program and floor map of the expo. Haru leaned over to take a peek, before he quickly leaned away after he brushed shoulders with Makoto.

"It doesn't really matter," he mumbled. From the corner of his eye he could see Makoto's expression drop before he turned back to the pamphlet, and Haru wished he could kick himself in the back of the head. _That was so helpful_, he scolded himself before rubbing his temple.

"Look, Haru, if you don't want to be here right now, we can always try again," Haru heard and he glanced up in panic. He looked at Makoto, who wore a worried expression on his face.

Makoto thought Haru doesn't want to be here. Makoto probably thought Haru felt tired being here with just him. He probably thought that Haru was annoyed with this outing.

"No, that's not," Haru stuttered, watching Makoto's face change from worry to confusion. "I want to be here. With you. I don't mind if it's just us."

Haru wished that he was more articulate, wished he was better at speaking, wished that his tongue didn't feel like lead, or bricks, or cotton. He soon forgot all of that when Makoto smiled at him, bright and surprised by what he said.

"Well, if you don't mind, then, we should just walk through the levels then, yeah?" he said. Haru nodded, wishing he had his sketchbook with him so he could press graphite to paper and immortalize that expression forever.

They walked together in comfortable silence, Makoto exclaiming and pointing to things that were being featured in each booth. Handmade mugs, knitted shawls, rugs, tableware, household items that were made by the small, family run businesses around the area.

Haru briefly thought about how it would be nice to shop at expos like this to decorate his home with. A home with a white cat. A home where he shared a bathroom, shared a bed, shared his mornings with-

"I could actually use this," Makoto muttered as he picked up a large, clay nabemono pot, turning it around to look at it further.

"You like nabe, Makoto?" Haru asked as he approached Makoto's side. He smiled at Haru, who blinked up at the easiness of it.

"It's an easy dish to make, and easy to share with family," he replied easily, and Haru could feel himself blushing, though he couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

It was normal to share nabe with your family, pick out pieces of meat for them, feed them with your own chopsticks-

Haru blinked and shook the thought away as he watched Makoto pay the clerk, who blushed when he smiled and thanked her. Haru shot her a glare before following after him.

"There isn't much in my apartment right now, so I'm really glad we came to this expo," Makoto said as he grinned at his purchase. Haru looked up at him.

"You live separate from your family now," he stated, guessing what Makoto's statement meant.

"Yeah, I have to. I'm closer to the fire station and the middle school," he replied as they began to look at coffee mugs. Haru saw him eye a cat mug, and it made him smile to himself.

"This cat mug comes with a partner, young man," the old lady behind the table said when she saw Makoto looking. He straightened his posture to smile at her. "Normally, they go for ¥1500 a piece, but for you I can cut it down to ¥2200 for both. You can share this mug with your girlfriend."

Haru flinched at the word _girlfriend_ as he watched Makoto react by nervously rubbing at his left ear. "Ah, I don't have a girlfriend, I'll just buy the one mug," he replied, albeit a little sad. The mugs did look adorable together and Haru figured he would still be weak to things like that.

"That's such a shame. You don't want to separate them, they're the last of the batch my daughter made," the old lady was obviously very good at getting people to buy her goods, Haru could see Makoto biting his lip.

"I'm afraid I wouldn't have any use for the second mug," he said apologetically. He pulled out his wallet when Haru grabbed his his wrist.

"I can buy the second mug," Haru said to the lady, pulling out his wallet as he glanced up at Makoto.

"Haru," Makoto said slowly, surprised. The old lady looked delighted.

"Wonderful! That'll be ¥1100 from each of you," she said happily as she wrapped the mugs in newspaper before placing them in a bag. "Y'know, even though people buying them separately would make me more money, it's such a shame to sell them as solo pieces when my daughter worked so hard for them to match."

Haru took his mug from the lady and thanked her, turning away from the table. He handed the mug to Makoto, who blinked at him in surprise.

"They're a set, right?" he turned away, embarrassed. "You keep them."

"I can't keep them, Haru, you bought the other one," Makoto said as he stared at Haru. Haru could feel his ears practically burning off his head.

"I-if I ever visit you at your place," he bumbled through his words, nervous, sweating, "then I'll have my own mug to use."

Haru squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could just melt through the floor. He peeked up at Makoto, who was staring at him wide eyed with a blush slowly spreading across his cheeks. Haru blinked up at him, surprised that Makoto was staring at him that way, before Makoto burst into laughter, high and joyous, causing Haru to blush and turn away again.

"Okay, then," Makoto said affectionately, and Haru could feel himself melt at his voice. "It's a promise. This'll be your mug when you visit."

Haru couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. He turned to face Makoto fully, feeling his heart pound in his chest. He opened his mouth slowly, taking a deep breath.

"Makoto, there's something that I-"

"Makoto?" a kind, gentle voice cut off Haru's sentence and he could feel his eyes widen as he watched Makoto's attention snap to whoever was behind him. Haru turned slowly, met with a girl standing there, all beautiful, dark wavy hair and large, captivating silver eyes framed with dark lashes. She stood there staring at Makoto with a surprised expression on her face, but it wasn't without affection.

Haru could feel panic settle in.

He turned to look at Makoto, who was just as surprised as Haru had been, as he blinked rather owlishly at the girl behind him, before his expression melted into one of affection, joy and care. Haru swallowed, feeling dread settle in his chest and spread down to his finger tips. Makoto smiled before he opened his mouth.

"Hakune..."


	14. Can't Face the Past

Haru stared at the warm, gentle expression that Makoto wore on his face before he turned to the girl he was looking at. She looked at Haru and smiled kindly at him, eyes crinkling amicably at the corners.

He hated to admit it to himself, but she really was beautiful.

Haru looked at the dark waves of hair that surrounded her face, reminiscent of the ocean. Her eyes were a shimmery, silvery grey, and Haru distinctly thought of the colour of a rainy day as it washes the earth.

"Hakune! It's been so long," Makoto said as he pulled her into a hug, laughter bubbling up with his surprise at seeing her. Haru watched, feeling an ache in his chest at how well they _fit_ together, how easily their bodies came closer to hug each other. Makoto pressed his lips to the top of Hakune's head, and Haru turned away with a swallow.

"It has been, I'm sorry I've been out of contact for a bit. I had a good reason, though," Hakune's reply was muffled in Makoto's chest, before she pulled away to pat him lightly on the arm.

"Yeah? And what reason would that be," Makoto asked as he let her go.

"My company has a new branch in the town next to Iwatobi, and I got transferred back about a month ago," she said with a smile. Haru could feel his stomach drop and heart plummet, he just wanted to be swallowed by the pavement and melt away.

Makoto's eyes widened with surprise. "You're kidding! Why didn't you tell me?" he shook her gently with his hand on her shoulder.

"It happened rather suddenly, so I didn't have time to warn anyone. I'm doing some shopping for my apartment right now," she replied, indicating the bags in both her hands. "Is that what you're here for, too?"

Haru was surprised when Makoto moved next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He blinked and looked up at Hakune, who was still smiling gently at him. "Sort of," Makoto replied, giving Haru's shoulder a squeeze. "We were supposed to meet friends here today, but they couldn't make it, so it's just us."

"Oh, you mean the friends you introduced me to?" she asked, tilting her head.

"Yeah, those friends. Ah, that reminds me," Makoto moved himself and Haru closer, and he hoped that Hakune couldn't see him sweating nervously, "Hakune, this is Haru."

Haru bowed his head in acknowledgement as Hakune looked at him. He felt himself swallow nervously as she watched him, eyes gazing into him like she could read everything. "So this is Haru! It's nice to meet you. Makoto's told me so much about you," she said with a bow.

Haru blinked at her words. Makoto talked about him to her while they were apart? How much did he say to her? What exactly did he say? Were they good things? Were they bad things?

"Well, I should let you guys go do your thing," she said as she adjusted her hold on her bags. Makoto stopped her by grabbing one handful from her.

"No, no. It's been so long since I last saw you. You should come with us," Haru's head snapped up at Makoto's words. Hakune? Going with them? Haru didn't want that. He couldn't handle it. He wasn't ready to watch them reconnect, to watch them catch up, to watch them fall in love all over again-

"Well, I wouldn't want to impose, you looked like you guys were having fun," she said, glancing at Haru briefly before turning her attention back to Makoto.

"Oh, no, you wouldn't be imposing, right, Haru?" Haru flinched when Makoto turned to him with wide, hopeful eyes.

Haru wanted to say no. He wanted to say that Makoto should probably just reschedule. Haru wanted to be selfish, to refuse, to kick and scream and through a tantrum, to put his foot down.

But how could he when Makoto was looking at him that way? When he was looking at him with such wide, hopeful eyes. Eyes that said he missed Hakune and wanted to talk with her, eyes that said that it would be fun if all of them were together.

"It's fine," he mumbled, trying to ignore the concern on Hakune's face when Makoto's expression lit up. He felt emotional when he was pulled into a quick hug, hearing a muffled 'Thank you' by his ear. He scratched the back of his neck as he walked with them.

It hurt watching Makoto interact with Hakune with such enthusiasm. It was the type of enthusiasm that one reserved for a close friend, for someone they loved and trusted. Haru couldn't remember a time anymore when Makoto directed that enthusiasm to him. Hare watched Makoto's face light up with animated joy as he spoke with Hakune, who smiled gently at him and answered with equal enthusiasm.

Haru knew that it was worth it for Makoto. He just hoped that there would come a time when it didn't hurt this much.

"You've got a lot of stuff, Hakune. Are you going to be alright getting all of this home?" Makoto asked as they made their way to a bench.

Hakune clicked her tongue at Makoto in a teasing manner, eyebrow arched. "I'll be fine, Makoto. I can lift all of this. Besides, I planned to go home with a lot of stuff, so I have a car," she replied.

Haru sat in silence next to them as he watched Makoto put down some of the bags he carried for Hakune. Haru didn't want to admit it to himself, but he had enjoyed her being there. She was easy to be around, had a gentle voice, and there was something about her that was calming.

He wasn't going to deny that it still hurt to watch the easy, familiar way that Makoto interacted with her.

"Oh, I see something over there. I'm going to look," Makoto said as he squinted at a booth a little further away from the booth. "Will both of you be okay here?"

Haru could feel panic settling into him. He didn't want to be left alone with Hakune, he didn't think he could _handle_ being left with Hakune. "Sure, go ahead," Hakune replied, not looking up from her bags as she counted everything she had.

"I'll be back," Makoto said as he began to walk away.

Haru could feel heavy silence cover him as Hakune rustled through her bags, packing and repacking to save space. After a while, she stood up and sat next to Haru. He could feel his palms begin to sweat when he noticed that she was looking at him with an expression that he couldn't read.

"One second, Haru," she said quietly after a moment before getting up. Haru let out the breath he had been holding and leaned on his knees. There were so many things that he wanted to say, wanted to ask-

"Here," Haru heard and a short moment later he felt something cool press against his cheek. He looked up at Hakune, who smiled at him gently. He looked down to find that there was a bottle of pineapple juice in her hand, and she gestured for him to take it. "It's for you. You looked like you needed a drink."

"T-thanks," he mumbled, taking the juice. She sat next to him again and moved her bags. He took a sip before realizing something a moment later. "How did you know I like pineapple juice?"

"Makoto told me," she said easily, looking up at him through thick lashes as she leaned back on her hands. "When we met for the first time, I asked him all about his friends back at Iwatobi. He told me all about you guys, how important all of you were, everything you all went through..." Haru blinked at her when she continued, "how much he missed you."

Haru could feel his ears go a bit red when he met her eyes, quickly turning away as he heard gentle laughter. "He especially told me all about you," she continued, smirking as she leaned down to look at his face. He took a sip of the juice. "His best friend since childhood, Haru, the Freestyle swimmer, with a strange affinity for water," Haru swallowed nervously as he turned to look at her, "and love of mackerel and pineapples."

Haru blinked at her when she finished, noting the way she was smiling, as if she was amused by what Haru was doing. "You still remember everything he told you about me?"

Hakune shrugged with one shoulder. "Probably. I try to make it a point to remember things my friends say to me, especially if those things seem to be really important to them," she glanced at Haru, and he looked away. He couldn't help the small bubble of happiness when it hit him that she had called him Makoto's 'best friend from childhood'.

"Is that all he said about me?" he mumbled, feeling himself heat up again when Hakune giggled.

"He did tell me he thought you were very pretty," she teased, and Haru certainly was boiling now, "and I'd say I have to agree, especially after finally meeting you." Haru covered his ears and contemplated jumping into the fountain to cool down. Hakune had to be making fun of him, there was no way Makoto thought of him as pretty.

He tried to compose himself when Makoto returned, a box in his hand. "Sorry it took so long," he replied a little breathlessly. "But I saw this and it made me think of you, so I had to get it," he handed the box to Hakune, who looked surprised.

"Me? Makoto, you didn't have to," she said as she took the box carefully. She looked up at Makoto, who encouraged her to open it. Haru glanced over as she unwrapped the object of its newspaper and bubble wrap, revealing a pretty white teapot with flowery motifs. "Makoto..." Hakune muttered quietly as she held the teapot, looking up at Makoto.

"I remember how disappointed you were when the movers had broken your teapot back when we moved in together," he said, kneeling down to be at eye level with Hakune, and Haru could feel his chest tighten at how intimate and gently they were. "It bothered me for a long time that you wouldn't let me replace it, so I got this one for you, as a housewarming gift."

Hakune opened her mouth as if to say something, before closing it again to look down at the teapot. "It's been nearly three years since that happened, Makoto," she said softly, and Haru suddenly found himself unable to be there anymore. "I can't believe you still remember."

"Of course I do," Makoto replied as he tapped her nose. "Wasn't it you that said good friends make it a point to remember things that are important?"

Haru watched Hakune's expression melt into one of fondness and adoration as she brushed Makoto's bangs off his forehead. "Thank you, that's very sweet," she said softly.

"Just trying to catch up to you," Makoto said with a gentle smile, and Haru couldn't stand it anymore. He stood up, startling Makoto to look at him. "Haru? Are you okay?"

"I have to go," he said quickly, hoping his voice wouldn't crack, hoping he wouldn't break where he was.

"Did you want to get something to eat first?" he heard Hakune say as she began to wrap up the teapot again. "I can pay, it'll be my treat."

"No," Haru said quickly, knowing that he couldn't face Hakune right now. Knowing that he couldn't face her kindness right now. "I should go. You two catch up."

Haru left briskly, leaving behind the two of them to look on after him. He quickly walked to the train station and sat down in an empty seat, staring at his empty hands.

Makoto had remembered something so small like Hakune's broken teapot for nearly three years. Makoto and Hakune had moved in together three years ago. Makoto still regarded Hakune with high amounts of respect and affection.

They still loved each other.

Haru couldn't even hate Hakune for it, either. Not when she was so good to Makoto. She was good to him as a friend, and she still cared for him. She remembered things about him that Haru was sure he'd taken for granted in the past. Makoto deserved the best, and Haru couldn't see himself filling that spot.

He wished he could hate Hakune, but he couldn't. He could feel the juice she'd bought him still in his bag, remembering that she knew what he liked without even having to ask.

Haru stared at his empty hands, imagining the mug he had bought with Makoto in them, thinking of how coffee would have tasted better in that mug, with Makoto drinking his coffee from his matching one. Haru clenched his hands together and pressed them to his forehead as he leaned on his knees, willing himself not to cry on the train.

Haru wished that Makoto's happiness would be enough reason for him to let them be together.


	15. Step Breathe Forward

Haru wiped the counter as he got ready for his break, feeling listless as he moved through the motions of cleaning up after himself. He hadn't felt this desolate since his surprise trip to Tokyo had gone horrible.

He should have expected that seeing them together up close would yield the same result as all those years ago.

Haru mulled it over in his mind. Makoto had said that he and Hakune were no longer together. He had no reason to lie about that; there was no reason for him to hide their relationship if they still had one. But the way he'd been so openly affectionate with her, from the kiss on the top of her head, to the way she'd observed him, to the way he'd look at her closely, all of that held suspicion.

Maybe they had unresolved feelings, like Haru still did after all of these years.

He wrung out the towel he had been using to wipe the counter and took off his apron, making his way to the back door to sit outside. He put his hand on the knob before opening it slowly, peeking a little to see if Makoto was there.

Makoto wouldn't always show up to spend time with Haru on his break, probably coming around twice a week, but it was still irregular enough that Haru had to hold his breath every time he opened the door.

He sighed with relief when he found the bench empty. On any other day he'd feel twinges of disappointment that would follow him until the end of his shift, but today he relished the relief, wanting to spend the time alone to think.

He sat down and held his hands in his head, trying to ignore the pit that was forming in his stomach. He had spent the whole rest of the weekend trying to exhaust himself so he wouldn't see flashes of Makoto with Hakune; him being sweet to her; him caring for her; him holding for her easily in his arms like she belonged there.

If Makoto held Haru in his arms, would it look like he belonged there?

Haru ruffled his hair in his hands and looked up at the sky. He could feel the pit in his stomach growing, settling heavy, making him feel sick. He'd have to go to the swimming center tonight _again_ if he wanted to avoid those images floating in his dreams, if he wanted to avoid the voice in his head that told him Hakune was a better match than he was-

The back door opened suddenly and Haru looked down quickly to see Nitori walk out, looking mildly depressed. Now that Haru thought of it, Nitori had been a little out of it all day today, having messed up an order, something he hadn't done since first working here. Haru watched him as he sat down on the bench next to him.

"Hello, Nanase-san," he said after a while, a little sigh escaping him. "I-if you don't mind, is it alright if I talked to you?"

Haru blinked a little bit, surprised. Nitori and Haru weren't close by any means, the politeness and conversations that were exchanged between them a result of the close proximity they had while working with each other. He shrugged at Nitori, gesturing that it was alright.

He watched Nitori rub the back of his neck, blushing a little, before letting out a nervous sigh. "Nanase-san," he started, and Haru turned to give him his proper attention, "i-is Rin-san seeing anyone right now?"

Haru felt himself blink, the gears in his head slowly beginning to turn. He shook his head. "... No," he replied.

"Oh," Nitori mumbled, almost to himself. Haru couldn't have missed the hope that flashed through his eyes before he pressed it back down. "D-does he like anyone?"

Haru thought for a moment. Other than their brief relationship, Rin had never pursued anything after that. His life had gotten too hectic with swimming. Did Rin pursue anything casual? Haru remembered that Rin had bragged once about hooking up with two people at an international party once, but it had only gone so far as kissing and touching.

"I don't think so," he said after a while. "Do you like him?"

He watched Nitori go bright red before spluttering nonsense. Guess that answered that question. "W-what makes you say that?" he fidgeted with his thumbs as he looked down at his lap.

"Y-yes," came the quiet answer to Haru's silent question. "Very much so."

Haru watched Nitori under the fringe of his bangs. He watched Nitori's expression melt into quiet, gentle fondness, a serene expression that was easily recognizable as someone being in love. "Then tell him," Haru said. Nitori looked directly at him with shocked eyes, brows raised at the notion.

"I couldn't," he shook his head, eyes looking defeated. "He might think I'm still projecting my admiration on to him."

Haru looked forward as the silence permeated the air. It was true, Nitori _had_ been overly enthusiastic of Rin back when they were in high school together, but that was at least five years ago. "Is it?" Haru prompted.

"Pardon?" Nitori looked up at Haru with confusion.

"Is it just admiration?" Haru continued. He watched Nitori look ahead of him, seeing nothing as he thought.

"I thought it was," Nitori spoke softly as he answered, hands clasped together in his lap. "So when Rin-san had graduated from the academy, I saw him off with a smile and didn't really think much of it. Don't misunderstand, Nanase-san, I _still_ admire him, but it's not just that. I don't think it ever was."

Haru turned to face Nitori, who was staring at his clasped hands still in his lap. Haru sighed before leaning on is knees. "You should just go for it," he mumbled a little, not brave enough to regard Nitori's expression. "Dive right in. He's not going to get it if you don't do something about it."

It was harder than Haru had expected to say those words to Nitori, harder than he'd like to admit. He looked at Nitori, who was watching Haru carefully, a soft smile spreading across his features. "I suppose you're right, Nanase-san," he replied. "He won't know if I don't do something, right?"

Haru nodded and watched Nitori get up and walk back inside. He leaned back on his hands and stared up at the sky. Haru wished he could take his own advice.

He couldn't. Not when his situation was so much different.

Haru locked the front door at the end of his shift. It was ten-thirty on the clock, and he checked around the restaurant one last time before going through the back, locking the door behind him. He stopped short of getting to the sidewalk, seeing a figure in a frock coat standing there waiting for him.

"Hello, Haru," Hakune called to him when he stepped out of the alley way next to the restaurant. Haru nodded his head in acknowledgement before shifting his gaze elsewhere, anywhere, feeling awkward as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you mind if you come with me for a bit?" Haru blinked at her before nodding, following after her.

"There's a local coffee shop I go to at this time of night when I have to stay overtime at work," she answered the silent question that Haru had hovering on his lips, and it left Haru to wonder how she could possibly do that without having to even look at him.

They entered the place, bell above the door jingling to indicate their presence. Hakune nodded at the server that was currently on her shift, and they were gestured to a circular table by the window. The only other customer was a disheveled looking student, probably cramming for a test, cups of coffee and plates of food scattered around his table.

"Can I get you anything Hakune-san?" the girl asked as they sat down at the table. Haru guessed that she frequented the place a lot.

"A menu would be nice," Hakune nodded her head in Haru's direction. "I'll wait for him to order first."

"Late night date?" the server asked coyly, and Haru felt his shoulders twitch involuntarily. Hakune just laughed.

"No, none of that," she replied smoothly. "Just a talk between friends." The server smiled at her before returning with a menu, giving them a few minutes to scan through.

Haru opened the menu, eyeing the prices. Hakune smiled and leaned on her elbow as she tapped away on her phone. "I'm paying, so order whatever you like," she said as she replied to message after message, screen lighting up her face. "Don't be shy, it's my treat."

Haru looked down at the menu, before settling on a matcha drink. The server came back and Hakune ordered for the both of them. "He'll have your white chocolate matcha, and I'll have my usual, please," she replied, biting her lip before she clicked her tongue, putting away her phone and crossing her legs.

Hakune looked over to Haru, reading the question that Haru was sure had been on his face. "I work as a computer software programmer," she said as she leaned back in her chair, hands in her jacket pockets. "I'm the only girl, so I get harassed a lot for not knowing what I'm doing, but I've saved so many of their mistakes so many times that I get paid double."

"Did you ever think about quitting?" the question was out of Haru's mouth before he could stop himself. Hakune shrugged a shoulder, looking out the window as she watched the lights of the town.

"Yeah, I have," Hakune said. "I'm staying where I am currently, though. I want to save money so I can start my own company, and where I am is the best place to work for it. I do get paid a ridiculous amount to deal with the sexism and the mistakes, after all."

Haru watched her as she looked out the window. He didn't know what to say to something like that; having to deal with prejudice in the work place, having to correct everyone's mistakes, being expected to keep quiet about everything. Hakune seemed to know where his thoughts were going, because she looked at him and smiled. "It's fine, don't worry. As soon as I quit, I'm raising my voice. I just have to stay silent so I can save up for what I really want to do."

Haru nodded and turned away, feeling the awkward atmosphere. He wanted to ask her about what happened between her and Makoto after he'd left. He wanted to ask her about her feelings towards Makoto...

He wanted to ask if she knew anything about what Makoto felt.

Haru was fidgeting at the continuous deafening silence. He swallowed. "Why did you bring me here?" he asked, voice faint with uncertainty.

Hakune smiled at him reassuringly, and Haru breathed deeply. "Wait for what we ordered to come first, then ask all your questions," she said, looking amused. Haru breathed in a sigh and looked out the window, allowing the silence to wash over him. It wasn't as awkward anymore, now that he knew Hakune wasn't purposely saying anything.

The server came with their order, and Haru stared a bit at the white and green swirls in his mug as he watched Hakune nibble on a biscuit, her cup full of a thick, pudding-like chocolate drink that she ate with the tiny spoon the server provided her with. Haru slurped his drink, enjoying the warmth, the soothing way it coated his throat, and he felt himself relax.

"Is it good?" Hakune asked. Haru nodded at her as he held the cup in both of his hands, feeling the warmth in his palms. Even though it was summer still, the nights could get pretty cold, so the drink was nice. "I'm glad," Hakune said, offering him a cookie, that he took gingerly. "Whenever you're ready, Haru."

Haru sighed and pursed his lips, looking at Hakune as she sat there, waiting patiently. "Where did you go after I left?" he said.

Hakune tilted her head to the side. "We went for dinner," she replied. "A really good Singaporean place that just opened up in town."

Haru nodded, taking another sip. "What did you do?" he murmured into his cup.

He watched Hakune take a spoonful of chocolate pudding drink in her mouth. "We talked," she said. "Caught up with each other. We promised that we'd hang out again."

Haru felt his stomach drop at her words. _They're going to hang out again_, he thought. Was that a date? Haru wasn't sure anymore. "Did you miss Makoto?" he could feel his voice grow smaller and smaller at each of her answers, as if he was scared of what he would hear, what he expected to here.

"Of course I did," Hakune said gently. "He's important to me, after all."

Haru bit his lip, feeling tears sting his eyes. He had to ask, he had to know, but he didn't want to know. He didn't want to hear it, but he had to know. "Do you," he took a shaky breath, "love him?"

Hakune straightened her back as she watched him. He waited for her answer; he could tell she was thinking about how to say what she wanted to say.

"Yes, I do," came out of her mouth, and Haru closed his eyes. He knew that was what she was going to say. He saw it in the way they interacted with each other. He was sure Makoto felt the same, there was no way he didn't. Haru had to give up, he had to let go. This was for Makoto, it was all for Makoto, Haru had to give up. If it meant that Makoto was happy-

"But not the way you do."

Haru's eyes snapped open and he slowly raised his head to look at Hakune, who was looking at him with that gentle, concerned expression of hers. He gulped, suddenly nervous. "What do you mean?" he whispered.

Hakune poured some milk into her drink and stirred it, effectively thinning out the thick texture before raising it to her lips to take a sip. "Do you believe in soul mates, Haru?" she asked. Haru blinked, having never really thought about it before. He shrugged.

"My mom used to believe that everyone had a soul mate," Hakune explained, a wistful smile on her face as she spoke. "And she used to believe that there were different kinds of soul mates, much like how our language has different words for love."

Haru sat there, hands in his lap, waiting for Hakune to continue. "When I'd asked her what she meant, she said she had maybe two soul mates," Hakune looked out the window, a distant look on her face. "Her first one was a girl in school that she had been become best friends with after a week, and her second soul mate being my father."

Hakune turned to Haru, smiling at the look of confusion that he was sure was on his face. "Right now, I have two soul mates," Hakune said gently. "One of them is Chiaki, whom I've been friends with since we were children. The other one is Makoto."

Haru blinked, feeling a twinge in his chest, but not quite ready to give in to it just yet. He was confused at this whole thing. "So you love Makoto?" he watched Hakune nod. "And he's your soul mate?" she nodded at him again. "Then what do you mean-"

"When I said 'But not the way you do'?" she finished for him, smiling. "Well, I never said I was a romantic soul mate with Makoto."

Haru blinked, and Hakune reached over to grab his hand, giving it a gently, comforting squeeze. "I love Makoto, and I would do anything for him, but all my feelings for him are platonic, and that's not going to change. Not now, and not ever," she replied.

Haru pressed his head against their joined hands and Hakune let him. He breathed in, trying to calm the wave of emotion that was washing over him as he gripped her hand tighter. _Platonic_, the word echoed in Haru's head. They were friends. Only friends. Just friends.

"Then what about...?" Haru's question trailed off, not sure how he should keep going, but Hakune seemed to get where he was going, because she let go of his hand to gently pat his hair.

"Any sort of outward physical affection we show is an old habit of ours," she replied. "It's the same with Chiaki. Although I think he's worse with Makoto than I am."

Haru looked up at her amused expression, probably because of a memory that popped into her head. She pulled out some money and left it on the table, gesturing Haru to follow.

They walked outside in the cool summer night, Haru still mulling over what Hakune had said to him. She turned around to face him. "I have to go," she said as a breeze moved her hair, and Haru could pick up the faint scent of lavender and sweet rain. "But I have a piece of advice for you, Haru."

Haru looked down into large grey eyes, sparkling with the moon and the town lights, and he found himself thinking that he could understand, even just a little, why Makoto really cared about this girl. "Don't be too afraid of speaking your mind to Makoto anymore," she said. "I think you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised by what you get back from him."

Haru waved good bye and began to go his own way, when he heard Hakune call out to him. "Haru! Next time we should hang out together!" she cupped her hand to her mouth so her voice carried over to him. "I think we might be soul mates!"

Haru felt a blush spread across his cheek as he heard her cheery laugh carry over to him on the breeze, as she turned around and walked away. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. Perhaps she was right about that.

He was close to home when his phone vibrated, and upon opening the message he froze. _'Sorry I couldn't stop by today, I just got home. I'll stop by tomorrow'_, was what Haru read.

He took a deep breath and decided to take Hakune's advice.

_Don't be too afraid of speaking your mind to Makoto._

He pressed in _'I'll have green curry for you tomorrow'_ and pressed send before he could even think about deleting it, staring at the phone with bated breath.

_'I look forward to it, Haru! See you tomorrow,'_ came the reply and Haru crouched on the ground, shaking with joy.


	16. Change

Haru readjusted his chef's jacket before he checked over the bento he made for Makoto. Green curry, octopus sausages, a side of omelet and sticky garlic rice. With fruits and mochi as a dessert, he turned the box around to observe every detail before covering the box.

He took in a nervous breath, letting it out slowly. No matter how many times he made lunch for Makoto, he still felt his nerves leave him when he presented him the food, no matter how many times Makoto's eyes lit up with joy, exclaiming at how good the food was.

"Heading out to meet Tachibana-san?" Nitori called from the backroom as he searched some numbers in their contact list. They had recently picked up a large catering job for a wedding, and Nitori was making some calls to confirm a few things. Haru nodded at him, hiding the blush that was spreading across his cheeks. "Have a good break, then."

Haru gripped the doorknob, closing his eyes as he breathed. He didn't need to be worried, Makoto said he would be there for lunch, he had texted him exactly that last night. There was no reason for him to lie about it, there was no real reason to be scared that he wouldn't be there.

He had to be there. Haru opened his eyes slowly and turned the doorknob. He just _had_ to be.

Haru blinked a bit in the sunlight, the last hints of summer fading in the sky. He looked around in a daze, before his eyes landed on Makoto, who was sitting on the bench, head resting on the wall behind him, eyes closed.

Haru held his breath as he watched him, heart racing a bit as he watched the steady rise and fall of Makoto's chest. He looked tired. Haru knew he had long hours on the job as a fireman, so he was probably just resting his eyes. He had dark circles under his eyes, probably from lack of sleep, and his clothes looked a bit dusty and disheveled. Did he just come from a fire? Haru felt a rush of worry wash over him. He never thought of how dangerous things might get for Makoto, and he suddenly imagined him, running through a building, maybe carrying someone who had been injured in the fire, flames licking at his protective clothing as he ran out to safety.

Haru approached him slowly, observing the way his eyelashes curled on his cheeks, how his lips were slightly parted as he slept, the gentle rumble of his breath, almost breaking on a snore. The breeze of the slowly fading summer caressed Makoto's hair, and it moved over his eyes. Haru brushed away his bangs gently from his forehead, hoping that the movement wouldn't wake him.

"Mm," Makoto stirred a bit in his sleep, and Haru pulled his hand away quickly, biting his lip as he watched. Makoto settled a little after and Haru breathed a bit easier, putting the bento down on the bench as he sat next to him.

Makoto's head lolled to the side, face turned towards Haru, and Haru quickly drew a breath. He wanted to watch Makoto sleep like this. How long had it been since Makoto came to his house to sleep over? He listened to his steady, quiet breathing as he looked at the column of his neck as it met his shoulder, a hint of collarbone before everything disappeared under his shirt. Haru gulped a bit as he turned his head away, lips suddenly dry. He wondered what it would be like to touch his neck. Was Makoto sensitive? Haru wanted to trace the lines with his fingertips while Makoto held him by the waist, trailing slow, languid circles on his hips as they drew closer together, lips parting slightly as their breaths began to mingle-

"Mm, how long was I asleep?" Makoto muttered in a daze before he slapped a hand hard over his eyes, before he dragged it down his face as he groggily began to wake up. Haru flinched and looked down at the ground, thinking of the insides of a fish he had to clean earlier that day to prevent his thoughts from affecting his body any further than the blush that was already heating up his ears. "Haru? How long have you been sitting there?"

_Not long enough_, Haru thought. "A few minutes," he replied, before sliding the bento towards Makoto, nudging his thigh with it. "For you. Eat."

He felt his insides melt when Makoto's face lit up, excitedly opening the box. "Haru! This looks fantastic!" he exclaimed, before he clapped his hands together in thanks, digging in almost immediately. "It's delicious!" Haru smiled a bit as he watched Makoto eat, the feeling of fondness spreading out through his chest as it reached his fingertips.

Makoto ate quickly, probably a habit he picked up from having to always be ready at a moment's notice, but he enjoyed the food Haru made him every time he stopped by. It made Haru want to feed him other things, made him want to learn what he liked all over again as they drank coffee together, maybe from those cat mugs that they'd bought-

"By the way, Haru," Makoto's voice cut through his thoughts and Haru blinked up at him. "School is almost starting, isn't it?"

Haru looked at him with confusion before shrugged his shoulders. "I guess," he said after a while. If he thought about it, Ren and Ran were excited to start up school again. They did bother him enough during the summer for their homework...

"I work as a middle school teacher during the school year," Makoto continued after a while. Haru nodded. He had said this when they had seen each other for the first time after five years. "So after this weekend, I won't be able to stop by for lunch anymore."

Haru froze, turning his head slowly to look at Makoto, who looked a bit sad despite the smile on his face. He stared blankly for a moment before he turned his head away. "Oh," the word came out of his mouth before could stop himself.

"Sorry, I should have said something sooner, but it had completely slipped my mind until I got a call from the school yesterday," Makoto went on, putting the bento down next to him.

_I'm happy for you._

The words slipped through his mind, and Haru blinked rapidly at the train of thought his mind took.

_I'm going to a university in Tokyo._

Why was he suddenly thinking about all of this now? It wasn't as if Makoto was leaving him again, yet he felt the pit form deep in his stomach, and he glanced over at Makoto, who rubbed at his earlobe before he began to laugh mirthlessly.

"I guess you're mad I didn't tell you before, huh?" Haru wanted to shake his head frantically at Makoto's words, wanted to kiss his mouth closed so he would stop speaking those awful words. "I'm sorry. We can still hang out on the weekends, Haru."

Haru was startled as he watched Makoto stand up, taking his fireman's jacket off the back of the bench before he shrugged it on. "I have to go now. Thank you for the lunch," Makoto said as he adjusted the jacket. Haru stood up as Makoto passed him. He wanted to run and hug him from behind, wanted to kiss the back of his neck, before turning him around to kiss him properly on the lips.

_Don't go._

Was that what he should have said to Makoto all those years ago? Haru wasn't sure anymore. Would he have stayed if Haru had begged him not to leave? Would Makoto have picked him up in his arms the way Haru dreamed he would, before kissing him, telling him that he wouldn't go anywhere without Haru?

_Don't leave me._

"Makoto," his name slipped from Haru's lips before he could begin to process what he did. He saw Makoto pause, and for a moment he thought that Makoto heard, he dreaded the possibility yet hoped for it at the same time.

"I'll see you later, Haru," Makoto called to him as he turned around to wave goodbye one last time, before he turned the corner and he was gone.

Haru stared after him even though he couldn't see his figure anymore, before he picked up the bento and made his way to the door. His hand paused on the doorknob and he leaned his head against the door, squeezing his eyes shut.

He couldn't say anything again. It was like Tokyo all over again. Makoto wasn't going to be any further from him, yet this time it hurt so much more than Tokyo.

Why didn't he say anything to Makoto?

_Don't go._

Haru wiped the bar down as he watched Rin sigh over his work. Sometimes Rin would come here to work on his translation articles, as a change of scenery, to get away from the stuffy atmosphere of the publishing office.

"Can you spike my coffee, Haru?" he asked as he grumbled over his papers, which were spread all over the place. Haru rummaged through the back before he came out with a coffee flavoured liqueur, pouring it into Rin's half empty cup.

"Swamped?" Haru asked, which only earned him another exasperated groan from Rin. He could feel himself smirk at the outburst. Rin was always swamped with his job, but recently they had let go of another translator, and he suddenly had to deal with nearly double workload as he supervised the two newbies that they hired, with not nearly enough experience or understanding of the English language (and sometimes the Japanese language, Rin had complained drunkenly once over dinner at Haru's) to complete the job properly. It had more often than not brought Rin to the restaurant, always asking for a spike to his coffee as he sifted through paper after paper after red marked paper.

"Honestly, there's no composition in any of these sentences," Rin ruffled a hand through his hair as he growled at the words on the page. Haru glanced down before shrugging. He was never good at English. "I mean really, _how does this even make sense_?"

"Is it that bad?" Haru asked. He didn't quite get the way English was structured, so he wasn't really sure.

"Oh, sure," Rin's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Let me try translating some of this so you can grasp how stupid this sounds... 'It is easily the best the most recommended way that in the laboratory one such procedure should be taken be careful'." Haru snorted despite himself. He could hear Rin mutter something about the use of excessive words.

"How would you fix it then?" Haru pressed, hoping that the line of questions would slowly pull Rin out of his dark muttering. Whenever Rin got this way, Haru found that he complained more and drank more, rather than actually get any work done. It was understandable, that sentence would push anyone to drink.

"Well," Rin sighed as he began to really analyze it. "Since this is a science instructional book for school... it's a concluding sentence, too... and in this context... 'Following these procedures is the recommended way to take care in the laboratory' would work the best, I think."

Haru hummed at him, feigning impressed. Truthfully, he was impressed, but Rin had done this so many times already, that he had gotten used to it. He watched Rin, now that he was calmer, he'd be able to get work done.

"Ah, Rin-san!" Nitori came out from the back as he put away some papers, locking them in a cabinet underneath the bar. Haru saw Rin sit up, cheeks flushing pink. His eyebrows drew together despite himself; that was new. "Are you working on translations here again?"

Haru noted the bright, happy tone in Nitori's voice before his gaze shifted to Rin, who found a great interest at shuffling his paper. "Y-yeah, well. You know me, always working. A lot," Rin laughed nervously, and Haru could have sworn there were beads of sweat flying off of him. What exactly was Haru missing?

Nitori leaned over the bar as he scanned the papers Rin had spread out, before he fluttered his lashes and looked at Rin from under them. _Oh_, Haru thought, amused. He was slowly beginning to put two and two together. He wondered if there would be steam coming off of Rin at that very moment.

"I'm sure you'll get through your work pile, Rin-san!" Nitori said brightly, his fingers brushing lightly on the inside of Rin's wrist. Haru kept his expression carefully blank, but he was ready to burst into loud laughter at Rin's face.

"Y-yeah," Rin's sentence trailed off into silence as his cheeks stained with a deeper shade of pink.

"Let me know if you need anything! I'm here to service you with all you need," Nitori said as he trailed off, going to the other side of the restaurant to help set the back room for a reservation party that would be coming in later that night. The slight innuendo hadn't been lost on Haru, and from the way Rin was watching Nitori walk away, it hadn't been lost on him either. Where did Nitori learn that?

Rin's head snapped back around, and Haru fought the laugh that rose in his throat. "Is Ai acting different lately?"

"I have no idea what you mean," Haru lied smoothly. Well, it technically wasn't a lie, if he took into consideration that the only person he was acting differently towards was probably Rin.

"It's just that... he's suddenly been more... forward?" Rin stammered through his sentence as he shuffled his papers nervously. "I-I mean, it's not like I've never _noticed_ him before, but he's always just been... and now he's so - a-and then he has to-" a snicker escaped Haru's mouth, and he covered his lips with his hand as he tried to suppress the laugh.

"Take a hint," Haru mumbled into his fingers as his shoulders began to shake again. Rin turned his head away, grumbling in embarrassment, although the pink on his cheeks didn't fade for a while. He began to work again, and Haru reorganized the alcohol cabinet, bored from the lack of customers.

"By the way, Haru," Rin mumbled over his stack of paper, cup of coffee poised at his mouth. "The Samezuka swim team is having a reunion, and they asked me to invite the Iwatobi guys."

Haru blinked at him. He shrugged after a while. It wouldn't be odd if they went to a reunion with the Samezuka team, considering all the joint practices they had together. "Did you tell everyone else?"

"Yeah, I did," Rin said. "Nagisa is definitely coming, and he's definitely bringing Rei, he said." Haru nodded, shifting his eyes down to his hands.

"That's to be expected," he mumbled as he wiped the bar for maybe the fourth time. He heard Rin sigh at him, and Haru glanced up.

"Makoto said he wasn't going to go if you weren't going," Rin said, watching Haru closely. Haru could feel his chest swell with emotion, and he blinked before he glanced down. "Are you going to go?"

Haru's first reaction was to say no. He didn't like being in a room full of too many people. "Yeah, I'll go," he replied. He had to talk to Makoto. He had to see him face to face. After his inability to speak earlier that afternoon, he wanted to see Makoto again. He had to make things right so that Makoto wouldn't misunderstand. Haru had allowed him to come to his own conclusions, so he had to try again.

"Great, I'll tell Makoto you're coming," Rin raised an eyebrow at him, and Haru threw his rag at him, making Rin squawk. "Oh, you may also want to be on your best behaviour when you go."

Haru looked at Rin, confused at what he said. "Why?" he asked. Wasn't he always on his best behaviour? Aside from being in the presence of large bodies of water, of course.

"Sousuke's coming, too," Rin said, and Haru rolled his eyes, groaning inwardly.

He didn't want to have to deal with that.


	17. Look at Me

So perhaps Haru was a _little_ regretful for saying he would come. Especially now, that he was here, with the muted bass permeating through the walls threatening to crack them. Maybe he should have stayed home in his bathtub, where he felt safest.

He shook his head. No, he had to be here, it would be the perfect opportunity to talk to Makoto. Right?

Haru sighed as he made his way slowly to the entrance. Honestly, the whole idea of parties had not appealed to Haru in the slightest. Loud music with loud people, and too many people at that, with too much freely flowing alcohol. His rather limited experience to parties had been narrowed to the one time he allowed Nagisa to convince him, Rei, and Rin to accompany him to his Beauty School's Halloween Bash all those years back. Not only did he feel ridiculous in his costume (who even was his character and why did he have amnesia?) but he probably witnessed some things that night his eyes never should have seen.

He never knew beauty school could be so incestuous. Or provocative.

He reached the door and he found himself once again regretting that he was here. He could here the bass more clearly, and sirens. Were those sirens? He never really understood club music.

"Nanase," he heard a low voice behind him and he struggled to not roll his eyes. He and Sousuke had a silent agreement not to directly deal with each other. Them being here together would be testing the limits of their friendship with Rin.

It was for Rin's sake that he hadn't up and left as soon as Sousuke showed up, after all.

"Yamazaki," he replied after a moment, acknowledging the man who now stood next to him. Neither of them moved, and Haru was despising every second of awkward atmosphere that was slowly building between them.

It was maybe a full minute that felt like an eternity when Haru's attention was momentarily diverted, eyes darting to the loud noise that managed to shake the wall. He noted that Sousuke's reaction had been the same, before both of their gazes slowly went back to the door in front of them. This could be the rest of their whole night right here.

"I hate things like this," Sousuke admitted, cutting the tension a little. Not much, but enough that Haru could steal a glance at him before agreeing.

"Hm," Haru wasn't too sure if he could be heard over the bass, which he imagined was causing things to fall to the ground inside. Maybe he would just go home after all.

"Why are the both of you standing out here?" Haru's head whipped around to find Makoto walking up towards them with a smile on his face. He could feel relief spread through him almost immediately.

"Makoto," Sousuke called out, and Haru felt himself stop midway in his step. _Makoto?_ Did Sousuke just say that?

"Ah, Sousuke-kun, long time no see," Makoto replied before clapping Sousuke's hand in a quick shake. _Sousuke-kun?_ Haru could feel his eyes darting between them as they exchanged greetings.

"So, Rin invited you, huh?" Sousuke asked.

"Yeah, I didn't think I'd be coming, though," Makoto shot Haru a quick glance before continuing. "I'm surprised you're here. I thought you hated these things."

"I do," Sousuke's shoulders sagged before he looked back at Makoto. "But I'm here. Rin bothered me enough for me to come. I'll be drinking you under the table tonight, by the way."

Makoto laughed, sounding a bit nervous. "I don't think that's a good idea," he countered. "I have work tomorrow." As much as Haru was willing for this exchange to end so he could talk to Makoto, he sort of wanted to see how Makoto would get drunk. He imagined that it would take a lot of alcohol.

"Tomorrow is Saturday," Sousuke cut in.

"Firefighters have unusual work schedules," Makoto argued back, sounding both frustrated and amused. "We aren't like you Nine-to-Fivers."

Sousuke's eyebrow arched before he chuckled. "Oh, I see how it is," he said. "Are you going to go inside?"

"Sure," Makoto opened the door and Haru was momentarily blasted with loud bass and sirens (his guess had been correct). He glanced up at Makoto, who was gesturing Sousuke to go in first. He watched him step in, before Makoto glanced down, letting the door handle slip from his grip. "Hey, Haru."

"You seem close," he said, trying not to feel or sound too bitter about it. It was almost like he'd forgotten that Makoto made friends easily.

Makoto rubbed his earlobe before laughing nervously. "Ah, yeah, sort of," he supplied. "I used to swim against his university team a lot during regional competitions."

Haru perked up. "You swam on the competitive roster?" he asked.

"Yeah, in my last year," he said. "Some guy injured himself during a party and I happened to be just underneath him on the reserves."

Haru almost felt sad he missed it. He wondered briefly how Makoto looked, swimming competitively on a university team. Serious, aggressive concentration all over his face, furrowing his brow and sharpening his gaze-

"Ah, it's Rin," Makoto's voice cut through Haru's thoughts. "He said since Sousuke's inside, that means we should be here, too. Come on, let's go."

Haru was once again hit by that wall of sound, ushered in by Makoto's warm hand on the small of his back. He couldn't quite shake how every nerve was aware of the warmth of his hand as he was pushed passed the sound system and dance floor, full of dangerously inebriated people convinced they could break dance, before he found himself in a better lit room with people standing around and talking, drinks and snacks all around.

"Yo, you made it," Rin waved to the both of them, leaning on a counter behind him with Sousuke, drink in hand. He jerked his head to the cans behind him, hinting that they should have something to drink. Rei and Nagisa were also there and they waved to them happily.

"Haru-chan! Mako-chan!" Nagisa called a little louder than normal, and Haru had the sinking suspicion he was already way ahead of everyone with the alcohol consumption. "You. _Made_. It."

Makoto ruffled Nagisa's hair as the shorter man leaned on him fully, swaying. "Yes, yes. We made it," he replied with alarmed amusement. His gaze was pointed directly at Rei, who looked rather exhausted. Like he'd fought a war and lost badly.

"I was _so_ worried that you weren't going to make it. Rei-chan told me not to, but I couldn't help it, _right_? I mean," he waved his arms over his head in grand gesture before leaning his full weight on Makoto again, who looked unaffected by the drunken affection. "Mako-chan's a _firefighter_ and you like, save _lives_ and stuff, but _Haru-chan_ would have just stayed at home because he doesn't like these things, so I'm _so glad_ you're both here."

Makoto chuckled and Haru turned to look at Rin, who looked pretty buzzed himself. "Oi, Nagisa!" he barked a bit too loudly before he pushed himself a little too quickly off the counter. He stumbled before he widened his stance to regain his balance, and he turned his whole upper torso to face Nagisa. "You should let them drink first. They just got here."

Makoto waved his hands at them. "I won't be drinking tonight," he replied quickly. "I have work tomorrow."

Haru heard Sousuke mutter an 'I told you' to Rin before he saw Rin paw at Makoto's chest. "You can sober up, we'll be here all night," he slurred a bit. "If you're too drunk, we've got the cab numbers here."

Makoto shook his head slightly at both Nagisa and Rin. "Sorry, guys, I'd rather not," he replied. Haru watched Rin squint his eyes at Makoto, as if using his whole body to physically think of a way to get him to drink.

Haru had to be discreet somehow, if he wanted to talk to Makoto before the end of the night.

"Just one shot, _one_," Rin begged, waving an unsteady finger up in front of him and Makoto. He ended up leaning some of his weight on him also, squishing Nagisa, who looked perfectly content to staying where he was.

"I really shouldn't-"

"Oh, Tachibana!" a booming voice cut through Makoto's reply to Rin and Mikoshiba Seijuurou strolled through. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Nice to see you, Mikoshiba-san," Makoto greeted as he tried to prop up Rin as Rei pulled Nagisa away.

"Been a while since I've seen you," Mikoshiba said. "When was the last time... The Summer Nationals?"

Makoto shook his head as Rin slung his arm across his shoulders. "Actually I believe it was Chiaki's 22nd birthday," he corrected.

"Ah, that's right, I forgot about him," Mikoshiba laughed before noting that Rin was squinting up at him.

"Oi, Captain," he barked before he pawed his way off of Makoto and onto Mikoshiba. "You knew Makoto from university?"

Mikoshiba seemed to take the drunken line of questions in stride as he held up his former teammate. "Sure did," he replied. "We have a mutual friend."

"Get him to drink," he slurred a bit into his cup. "He can't leave without taking a couple of shots."

"You're not drinking, Tachibana?" he asked Makoto.

"No, I have work," he sighed. Haru just wanted the whole exchange to end.

"I won't drink if you don't," Mikoshiba declared. Sousuke's eyes went wide with amusement.

"No, you should drink if you want," Makoto looked a bit panicked. "You came here to enjoy yourself."

"Makoto," Sousuke cut in, "If Mikoshiba-san doesn't drink, I won't either, since I only wanted to take shots with you."

"Guys-"

"Oh, you want to take shots?" Mikoshiba said as he looked at Sousuke. "You know Makoto is pretty good at holding his alcohol. Didn't he beat you last time?"

Haru saw competition flare in Sousuke's eyes. "Only because I was hungry at the time," he argued. "C'mon, _Tachibana_, drink with me."

"_Yamazaki-kun_, I'd rather not," Makoto countered.

"It's just a few, Tachibana!" Mikoshiba clapped Makoto on the shoulder and ushered him to a table where Nagisa was already sloppily pouring shots for the three of them, leaving Haru to wonder if this was more orchestrated than he initially thought.

He watched Makoto heave a defeated sigh before he planted both hands on the table, leaning over his line of shots. "There's about twenty here, Nagisa," he protested weakly. Nagisa just threw him a peace sign before he chugged down the last of what was left in the bottle.

"Okaayyyy then!" Nagisa triumphantly held the bottle over his head to prove that every last drop was gone. "Go ahead, guys."

"I don't think this is a good idea," Makoto whined one more time as he lifted one shot glass.

"Just shut up and drink, Tachibana," Sousuke tipped his own glass in his direction before poising it at his lips, watching Mikoshiba.

"Bottoms up!" he said, and all of them took a swig of one after another, finishing off five right away before any of them let out a harsh breath, throats burning from the strong alcohol.

Haru heard muffled words of 'Is someone doing shots in the kitchen?' and he had to fight the bubbling frustration from gushing out of him. He just wanted to speak with Makoto. Ten minutes, maybe even five. He just wanted to talk.

"Oh, is that you, Tachibana-san?" a guy Haru recognized vaguely strolled up to them with someone else that Haru also vaguely recognized behind him.

"Ah, Uozumi-san, was it?" Makoto asked as he squinted down at him, still clearing his throat of the burn. "It has been a while, hasn't it? And... Minami-san, if I'm correct?" The boy behind Uozumi nodded before smiling.

"Yo, Tachibana, let's go," Mikoshiba called to Makoto as he picked up another shot glass. Haru watched Makoto give a resigned sigh before heading back to the table to start another round. Rin was leaning on Sousuke's shoulder, smirking like he'd won the lottery and Nagisa was busy pouring into the empty glasses. People were beginning to file into the kitchen as they heard the commotion. Haru squinted his eyes at Uozumi and Minami, who both were talking Makoto's ears off, Momotarou bouncing between his brother and Makoto as Nitori fussed over him. Haru turned on his heel and headed out.

He stood for a while in the cool night air, the last of summer breezes caressing the trees around him. He looked up at the dark sky before glancing back through the glass door he exited from, seeing the group of people standing around the three boys taking shots. He felt a little smirk play on his face as he watched Makoto seemingly handle his alcohol better than Mikoshiba and Sousuke, muffled cheers coming through the closed sliding doors.

Haru felt his face drop a little as he turned to look out at the sleepy town. Thoughts of nostalgia filled him as he looked over the horizon.

_Makoto._

He'd changed so much in the five years they'd been apart, and Haru hardly knew how to deal with it. People at the party knew who Makoto was by name, and from what he could tell of the conversations that were being hurled at him, respected him a lot. It was almost like he wasn't the shy boy that walked with him to school all those years ago, or the same boy that pulled him out of the bath tub, or the same boy that-

He'd fallen in love with.

Haru could almost laugh at himself at how untrue that was. Despite all of his changes, he was still the same. Still the same boy who was concerned about his friends, still the same boy that put others before himself, still the same boy that loved his siblings. The only thing Haru wasn't sure of was how Makoto thought of him now. Not that he could really ask at the moment, with all of the people surrounding him.

"Haruka-san?" Rei peeked his head out from behind the glass door before stepping out fully. "Mind if I joined you?"

Haru nodded and the two enjoyed a comfortable silence together. "Where's Nagisa?" he asked after a while.

Rei glanced over at Haru with a smile before looking back through the glass door, eyes landing on Nagisa, who seemed to be drinking several people, Rin included, under the table with cans of beer. _Figures_, Haru wasn't too surprised by Nagisa's abilities to consume alcohol, if his ability to put away mountains of food were any indication.

"Why are you here, Rei?" Haru knew that Rei was probably tired from his work with the professor at the university. He remembered Nagisa complaining about how Rei was always tired, coming home late with piles of paperwork.

_"It's just so boring with him not at the apartment, Haru-chan," Nagisa complained to him one evening, hair looking rather fluffy with the tips going white, which he had explained was a student trying out a type of hair dye on him. "I know he works hard, but I don't want him to work too hard, you know?"_

_"So why not just tell him?" Haru had asked from the stove._

_"Be-cause, Haru-chan," Nagisa drew out his words, frustrated, "I know how much his work means to him. Besides, we live together now! We'll be okay."_

Rei pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose before resisting the urge to laugh, the choked sound forming at the back of his throat. "Do you think it would have been wise of me to let Nagisa-kun come here on his own?" he glanced back at the crowd of people in the kitchen, Nagisa looking triumphant over everyone as they all began to keel over on the floor. "I'm tired, of course. But I haven't really allocated my time for him in a while. It was a good opportunity to do so."

"Even if you haven't actually spoken to him?" the words were out of Haru's mouth before he could stop himself. His eyes went wide and he chanced a look at Rei, who was looking at him like he understood, but chose not to delve further.

"I'm sure Nagisa-kun wouldn't have had as much fun as he would have portrayed if I hadn't accompanied him," Rei said finally. "And I'm sure that Makoto-san feels the same."

Haru pursed his lips before he looked out at the sleepy town, refusing to let the conversation go any further. After a while, Rei began to turn around and head back inside, and Haru soon followed him.

"Yo, Haruu_uuu_," Rin called to him from the floor, and Haru debated leaving him there. "Come here. Come to me."

He rolled his eyes before he approached him slowly, and he fought the snort that was rising up his nose as he watched Rin clamber up the wall to stand, before swinging all of his limbs to grasp Haru by the front of his shirt. "There'sshoo of you_uuu_. How'dcha do that?"

Haru's nose crinkled at the waft of residual alcohol that was coming from Rin's mouth. "Where's Makoto?" he asked when he realized that his best friend was no longer there.

"Wentta look fer youu," Rin answered.

"Rin-saaan!" a rush of orange nearly knocked Rin over and Haru stumbled with the momentum to try to keep Rin from falling and hitting his head. "Where's your sister?" Momotarou asked.

Rin squinted at the orange bundle of energy as Haru held him up barely by the top of his arm. "Jesst a sec," he made a grand show of looking for his phone before reading his sister's last text to him. "Sheesh comin'."

Haru glanced over at Mikoshiba and Sousuke, who both had fully situated themselves at the counter, leaning on it to keep from swaying. "Haru-chaaaan!" Nagisa stumbled forward, and another whoosh of alcohol smell invaded his nose. "You shoulda watched me. I drank _everyone to death_." Haru only had to glance behind him to know that it was true.

"Where's Makoto?" he asked again. Nagisa looked physically pained to think.

"I think he said that Gou-chan texted him to come help her carry the food?" Nagisa sounded excited about putting yet more consumable goods in his body.

"She coulda asked me," Rin whined next to Haru, slinging his full, basically dead weight onto him, launching the three of them into a dangerous stumble until Haru could regain his balance. "I'm herr big brothrrr, guh. Not 'Makoto-san'!" His drunken imitation caused Haru to arch an eyebrow at him.

"But _you're_ drunk as _fuck_," Nagisa whispered, nose touching Rin's. "Mako-chan can still count to ten," he accused, "without using his fingers."

"I cen do thatan then sum!" Rin barked. "Ready? One, two... shree.. oh God, fouurrr, fuck... F-five?"

"You're lifting fingers," Nagisa's argument was muffled onto Rin's neck as Haru pushed the two of them onto each other. "Doesn't count, _Rin-chan_."

"Sit," Haru ushered the two of them to a couch, where Sousuke had managed to amble himself to, and he threw the two of them onto the cushions, making Sousuke lurch as they bounced.

"Oh, God, stop with the moving," Sousuke complained, and Haru eyed the bag of orange that was in his lap.

"... Is that shredded cheese?" Nagisa leaned over a groaning Rin as he eyed the handfuls of orange Sousuke was stuffing into his mouth.

"... No," he replied through a sprayed mouthful. Haru grimaced. "It's eraser bits."

"I want _soooooome_," Nagisa whined as he pawed at the bag, to which Sousuke countered by extending his arms away.

"No, I _found_ these!" Sousuke complained.

"When's Gou-chan getting here?" Nagisa threw his hands up in the air as if defeated.

"I'm right here, relax, Nagisa-kun," Gou came up the steps with a handful of bags, Makoto following closely behind her with just as many bags. The room began to light up with drunken, subdued activity as people roused themselves to get up for food.

"Gou-san!" Momotarou bounced to her, and Haru braced himself for a full on tackle that he thought Gou would be pulled into, but Makoto's voice stopped the fiery energy before it got too far.

"That might not be wise, Mikoshiba-kun," he said. "Why don't you get some of her bags instead?"

Haru watched as Momotarou enthusiastically took half of Gou's bags before he made his way over to the counter.

"Hello, Seijuurou-san," Gou chirped.

"... 'Sup," he grumbled.

"You seem subdued," she noted.

Haru glanced up at Mikoshiba, who was eyeing Makoto with narrowed eyes. Makoto just kept his head down, not quite able to hide the sheepish smirk on his face. "Someone drank me and Yamazaki over there under the table," he supplied after he took a chug of water.

Gou giggled a bit as she pulled out containers of food, noodles, chips, sandwiches, a mess of everything. "I'll go see if my brother or Sousuke-kun want anything," she said, taking a bag of food over to the couch.

Haru watched her go, and he noted that Nagisa was more than overjoyed to see her. Rin and Sousuke looked to be arguing about something before Haru turned to face Makoto. "You okay?" he asked as he began to help set up the food.

Makoto glanced at him before humming a bit, shrugging a shoulder as he scrunched the bags together. "A bit buzzed, but I'm okay," he said, and Haru noticed the slight blush on his cheeks. "It sort of bothers me that I got suckered into this, but I'm not really suffering for it."

Makoto turned to give Mikoshiba a sweet smile, who just pressed an unsteady finger on his lips. "Stop talking, I can hear you gloating," he mumbled. Makoto's laugh could be heard despite how hard he tried to suppress it.

"Haru!" Rin's bark made Haru flinch, and he turned to give him a glare.

"What?" he snapped.

"Come here I need back up!" Haru turned to glance at Makoto, who was giving him a sympathetic smile, before he dragged his feet back over to the couch.

"Onii-chan, that's not really necessary," Gou complained. "Nagisa-kun, you're not backing me up at all?"

"Nuh-uh, this is a family thing," he completely cut off all cries for help from Gou as he shoved a handful of barbecue chips in his mouth. Rei grimaced.

"Please chew," he pleaded. "I don't want you to choke." He only received a smile from Nagisa, and he sighed in defeat.

"But he's getting Haruka-san's help!" she complained.

"Oi, Haru," Rin sounded like he'd sobered up a bit after his heated discussion with Sousuke, and from the way he was looking down, Haru could tell what Rin was about to ask may more or less be related to that. "If Gou was your sister, would you or would you not let her date your best friend?"

Haru's initial reaction was to glance back at Makoto and reply with a 'Hell no' because _he_ was in love with Makoto, although he didn't want to admit this out loud to the drunk group on the couch when-

_Oh._

"Yamazaki?" he shot a sidelong glance at the person in question, who just leaned off to the side, shoving another handful of shredded cheese in his mouth. Haru turned to Rin. "I think you should let your sister date whoever she wants." It wasn't really his business who she was interested in anyway.

"What?!" Rin sounded betrayed.

"Really?" Gou couldn't help the hint of gratitude seep in her voice. Haru looked at her before wondering briefly when all of this happened.

Sousuke blinked up at Haru. "Didn't think you'd be on my side in this case, Nanase," he admitted through another mouthful of cheese. Haru fought the urge to gag; he didn't quite understand the shredded cheese.

"I would question her taste in men, however," he said after a while and received a middle finger from Sousuke.

"But you wouldn't interfere, right, Haruka-san?" Gou leaned in on him and looked at him with wide, begging eyes, and Haru couldn't find it in himself to say something against her. He shrugged.

"It isn't any of my business," he replied. He was swamped by warmth when Gou squealed and hugged him tightly. Haru returned the hug with a gentle pat on the back before glancing at Rin, who looked to be scowling.

"Traitor," he heard, and at first he was going to argue back but he noticed that Rin wasn't even looking at him. Nitori came up next to him and Haru gave him a shrug at the question in his eyes.

"How am I a traitor, Rin? Please inform me," Sousuke crumpled the now empty bag before he turned to face Rin.

"When did _any of this_ happen?" he asked. Sousuke glanced up at Gou before looking back at Rin.

"Nothing's _happened_," he said vaguely. "We just... know that something _might_."

"For the love of-" Rin looked about ready to bite someone. "Ai!"

"Huh?" Haru looked over at Nitori to find him surprised to be pulled in the conversation.

"Did you know about this?"

Nitori glanced between Rin, Sousuke, and Gou before he gave Rin a sheepish shrug. "I guessed," he admitted.

"What? So it was just me?" Rin sounded indignant.

"I think it's sweet," Nitori went on. "Yamazaki-san obviously cares about Matsuoka-chan a lot, a-and he's known her for a long time. Isn't that the best place to start?" Rin was heard grumbling.

Nitori pushed forward a bit, surprising everyone. "Besides, it's hard not to fall for someone who takes care of you," Nitori blushed. Haru noted the particular way he was staring down at Rin, and he decided to look over at him. Rin looked to be slowly processing Nitori's words as well as his expression, a slow blush coming across his face. He began to splutter at his words.

Haru would have continued to listen to the conversation, he would have continued to watch as Nagisa chimed in with cooing and teases, but he noticed Makoto stepping out of the glass sliding doors, and Haru dropped the whole thing entirely to go follow him.

The cool night air hit him again as he slid the doors closed behind him, approaching Makoto slowly as he drank out of a water bottle. "Tonight was pretty hectic, huh?" Makoto asked.

Haru nodded before leaning on the railing, standing next to Makoto, arms so close they almost touched, but not quite. He could feel intense heat coming off of Makoto's skin, probably exaggerated by the alcohol, and Haru wondered what it would be like to lean into him, to share warmth as the chill of the night began to seep in a bit.

"Haru," Makoto's voice was quiet, and Haru looked up. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

It took a moment for Haru to understand what he meant. "It's okay," Haru replied. It wasn't Makoto's fault, he just forgot to tell him that he couldn't come by the restaurant anymore. "I don't blame you."

_It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong._

Makoto glanced down at him, relief washing over his face. "Really? I'm so glad," he looked genuinely happy, and Haru felt himself choke up at how beautiful he looked with that expression. "I thought you were mad at me for not telling you sooner."

Haru felt sad that Makoto would think that of him, although he knew that past experience would make him wary. "I could never be mad at you," he murmured softly, daring to not look away. He watched Makoto's eyes go wide before a softer, more affectionate expression spread over his features.

"Really?" it was almost a whisper. Haru nodded. "I'm glad."

Haru felt his arms brush against Makoto's skin, and he thought for a moment that if he leaned up, their noses would touch. Would it be okay to kiss him now? After all of the things Haru still felt he had to say, he couldn't help but steal a glance at Makoto's parted lips, thinking of how great, how _utterly satisfying_ it would be to press his body into him fully and kiss him, to use action instead of words like they had done so many times before. If Haru could just lean in a bit more, press up on his toes just a bit, he would be able to kiss him, like the way he dreamed of but not, because it would be real, and Makoto would be real, and everything would be-

Makoto turned away to cough a bit and take a sip of water, and Haru glanced down, fighting the blush that he knew was already across his face. He clenched his hands together, thinking of the way the storage at the restaurant smelled when he had found out the apprentices had forgotten to clean it over the weekend. Anything to get his mind off of how close he was to kissing Makoto.

"Hakune texted me a while ago," Makoto said after they lapsed back into silence. "And she told me that we should hang out with Chiaki next week."

Haru looked up at Makoto, not sure where this conversation was going. "She told me to invite you," Makoto mumbled a bit into his hand. "Did you want to come? You don't have to if you don't want to."

Haru blinked. "Yes," he said.

"I know that you don't really know th- wait, really?" Makoto sounded surprised.

"I"d love to," Haru continued.

Makoto looked like he was beyond ecstatic at Haru's reply. "Okay," he breathed.

"Okay," Haru echoed, eyes trained onto Makoto. He watched Makoto turn to the railing, a smile spreading across his face, and Haru's heart skipped a few beats at the thought that he was smiling that way because he said yes to his invitation.

Going out next week with Makoto to meet his university friends would be a way to catch up to him.

Haru was finally going to see the Makoto he'd missed these passed five years.

He almost wished it was next week already.


	18. Closer

Haru opened his closet and filtered through everything. Everything. Every article of clothing he owned was out, scattered on the floor, off the hangers, out of the cabinets, spread out on his bed sheets.

He was meeting with Makoto _tomorrow_ and could think of nothing to wear.

It would have been alright, _maybe_, if it was just Makoto and him. But he was meeting Chiaki and Hakune as well. It was almost like meeting Makoto's university parents.

Makoto's apparently friendly, outgoing, very, _very_ unaware of personal space university parents.

He wanted to tear off every strand of hair on his head. What was he even supposed to do in a situation like this? How did anyone even handle a situation like this? He couldn't call Rin, he'd just laugh at how stressed he was, and that would probably lead to him punching Rin, which would probably lead into a scuffle, and the last thing he needed was having to explain why he had a black eye to Makoto in front of his university parents.

Haru sighed, thoughts drifting to maybe calling Rei, but that wouldn't work. Rei was constantly in button ups and slacks to wear underneath his lab coat for work, and whenever he did dress for an occasion, his sense of fashion, was rather, _well_, the colours were nice at least. But too bright for Haru. And too... much.

Nagisa was a Pandora's box that Haru did not want to open. In all honesty he wasn't sure how to even assess the option. Whenever he saw Nagisa, his hair was always fluffier, always softer, but also almost always a ridiculous colour before Nagisa had to fix it, the only explanation being that he let a beauty school student try dying his hair. It wasn't that Nagisa wasn't _good_ at his craft, in fact he was. It's just that the abundance of his customers were rather...

Out there, to put it nicely.

Haru pinched at a tuft of hair that was falling below his eyes, resting at his cheekbones. He'd been so busy with the restaurant, it had been a few months since he'd gotten a hair cut, and he had to admit the dark mess on his head was beginning to look very disheveled on top of him always mussing it up due to an incompetent apprentice, or a heart palpitation induced stress...

He dialed a number on his phone and listened to the ringtone before he even thought to hang up. "_Hellooooo_?" Nagisa's voice answered after the second ring.

"Nagisa."

It was a full three, four, five seconds before Nagisa spoke. "Haru-chan! Why are you calling?" he sounded delighted, probably already guessing at the reason behind Haru's call.

Haru sighed. Either take the plunge, or hang up. "I need a favour..."

Haru found himself staring up at the elaborate glass door that decorated the front of Nagisa's salon. He glanced up at the windows on the second level, eyeing them with a hint of distaste.

His sister's boutique was just beyond those windows.

"Haru-chan!" Haru maybe had about a second or two before he was swamped with weight that was emphasized by high velocities. Nagisa could never really break that old habit of his, running, flying, very deadly hugs were always going to be something he did.

Haru managed to stumble enough to keep his balance without falling, but he grunted at how tightly Nagisa was hugging him. "Off. Can't breathe," he wheezed, and he felt Nagisa finally ease himself off of Haru, before he grabbed both of his wrists, prompting Haru to look him in the eye.

"I am going to make you look _smoking hot_, Haru-chan," Nagisa said, noses almost touching each other as if he was letting Haru in on an incredible secret.

"I just need to look presentable," Haru tried to argue back, but Nagisa shushed him with a press of a finger over his lips.

"No, Haru-chan. _Smoking hot_."

"_Nagisa_."

"You will turn heads when you're done."

"Nagisa, _enough_," Haru sighed hard through his nose, pinching the bridge of his nose between his finger and thumb. He could feel Nagisa pouting in front of him as he took the key to the salon out and unlocked the door.

Haru walked behind Nagisa as he was led through the empty salon. "I promise, Haru-chan, I will make you look so great, Mako-chan's mouth will water," all Haru could do to respond to what Nagisa said was nearly choke on his spit. "You will be _edible_ and he will want you for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and _dessert_."

He couldn't fight off the blush that was making its way up his neck, staining his cheeks before it settled in his ears. It wasn't as though he _didn't_ want Makoto to find him... aesthetically appealing, it's just... "Could you be a little more crass?" he managed to say, throat tight.

Nagisa just raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't challenge me, Haru-chan. You _know_ I can," Nagisa replied after a while, and Haru silently conceded. It was common knowledge to anyone who knew Nagisa at this point. He sat down in the chair that Nagisa gestured to, and he fidgeted slightly as the salon cape is thrown over his shoulders. "You haven't been getting your hair trimmed."

Haru shrugged. He had been too busy to even think about his hair, aside from washing it. He didn't think it looked that bad, but it was definitely time for a trim. "You know what would look good?" he heard Nagisa asked, and he knew he didn't have to respond. "Blue."

"_No_," Haru's response was almost immediate. Nagisa made a whining sound behind him, and he watched his reflection in the mirror.

"Haru-_chan_, I don't mean _bright blue_," he emphasized, as if it was supposed to make Haru feel any better. "I meant like a wash. If you get a blue wash, it'll highlight your hair, and there'll only be a hint of it in the sun. Your hair will still look black, just a _better black_."

Haru fought the urge to roll his eyes. "No," he stated simply, but it looked like Nagisa wasn't having it this time.

"Haru-chan, _please_, you are ruining my plan to make you look delectable. You _never_ let me fix your hair," he had run around the chair and now was nuzzling his head in Haru's stomach. Haru sighed.

"If the colour is too bright, it comes out right away," he had maybe a three second delay before Nagisa squealed, arms wrapping around him in a tight hug.

"AHHHH, I KNEW YOU WOULD LISTEN! I promise, you will look _so good_ when I'm done. My honour as a hair stylist is at stake here!" Nagisa whirled around behind him as he put things onto his trolley, and Haru sighed. He hoped he wouldn't regret it.

He felt the first snip of Nagisa's scissors work at his shaggy locks, and he closed his eyes, thankful for the silence. He needed the time to collect himself, and he let himself drift to Nagisa's hands working at his head.

"Hey, Haru-chan?" Nagisa's gentle voice prompted Haru to slowly open his eyes, and he glanced at Nagisa in the reflection of the mirror.

He straightened his posture when he noticed the worried tone in Nagisa's voice, feeling his eyebrows furrow just a little bit with concern. "Do you think Rei-chan has been really... distant lately?" Nagisa asked him, barely a whisper. Haru knew where this was coming from, Rei had been incredibly busy recently.

"Does he come home late?" Haru watched Nagisa's face for a sign, a giveaway to whatever it was that as bothering.

"I just," Nagisa found it difficult to form words, and Haru had to wonder briefly just how much of their relationship was a result of just _being_. "He's been really out of it lately. I think he's pushing too hard at work, he comes home _exhausted_ and I don't know what to do for him."

Haru fell silent as Nagisa prepped his colour wash. Haru wished that sometimes he knew what to say during moments like this, but he had always been bad with words, and it's not as though his life was just brimming with romantic interaction.

"Maybe it would be best for him if he had his own apartment," Haru looked up at Nagisa through the reflection, and he could see just how much that hurt Nagisa to say.

"You don't want to, though," he murmured.

Nagisa gave him a sad smile, and it was so un-Nagisa-like that it hurt. "But if it's for the best... I don't want to burden him with things, and he works so hard, and God knows I can't cook..."

"Rei needs you," Haru said out of the blue. Nagisa blinked up in surprise. "He finds comfort in you being there. Ask him."

Haru saw a flash of something in Nagisa's eyes, as if the words he had just said comforted him like he didn't expect them to. "Okay, Haru-chan. I will."

Nagisa washed and dried off his hair, but didn't let Haru look in the mirror. "Nuh-uh, Haru-chan. You have to wait until after," he dragged Haru up to the boutique just above his salon.

"We _really_ don't need to get new clothes," Haru protested even as he got shoved into a dressing room.

"You say that Haru-chan, but what did you say to me over the phone last night?" Nagisa called as he tossed in shirts, pants, cardigans, whatever he got his hands on.

Haru sighed, opting not to answer that question. He didn't want to have to admit out loud that he had a lapse of confidence in his wardrobe. Or his evident panic in the late night of having to meet Hakune and Chiaki. Or his worry of how he should act around them, around _Makoto_-

"Haru-chan, are you done?" Haru slid the curtain open and stepped out. He fixed the shirt he wore, tugging it down self consciously before he tugged at his jeans (they were a tighter fit than what he was used to for pants) fidgeting at every little thing. "Haru-chan _you look so good_! Let me take a picture!"

Nagisa's phone snapped before Haru could even protest it, and he soon found himself in front of a mirror. He glanced up, touching his hair delicately before his eyes wandered down to his clothes. "What do you think?" Nagisa asked, beaming at his reflection as he nuzzled his cheek into Haru's shoulder. "Told you your hair would look nice. It looks even more black than before now."

"Thank you," Haru wished he could articulate better exactly how appreciative he really felt, those two words seemingly not near enough what he could give to Nagisa. Nagisa's beaming face seemed to say otherwise.

"No problem, Haru-chan!" Nagisa chirped.

Haru walked out of the salon, the jingle of the door chimes echoing behind him. He would be a little early to the meeting if he left now, so he headed to the cafe that Makoto had told him about.

He walked slowly, wanting to kill time a little bit. With each step he got more nervous. He didn't _have_ to be nervous. This was _ridiculous_-

Haru glanced up, noticing right away Makoto entering the cafe. He watched him sit down at an empty table and Haru sighed in relief. At least for the first few moments, he'd have Makoto to himself.

"Haru!" Makoto waved him over when he entered the cafe and he slowly made his way over to sit down. Makoto stood up abruptly as he reached the table, which startled him.

"Makoto?" he watched his eyes, which looked searching, eyeing him up and down before Makoto snapped out of whatever reverie he had found himself in.

"O-oh, sorry! Here," Makoto pulled the chair out next to him and sat down, pink staining his ears as he stared intently at the table in front of him. Haru hastily sat down and peered sideways at Makoto's face. Was there something wrong?

The both of them flinched and looked up when the cafe door swung open and Hakune walked in. Haru glanced over her appearance. She always seemed to make an effort to look nice, and he couldn't help but find it nice. Perhaps next time he'd save himself the embarrassment of asking Nagisa and just go straight to Hakune. "Oh, you're both here!" she called out a little breathily.

Haru watched her sit down, noticing the way she was glancing back and forth between them. Makoto seemed to notice as well and his eyebrows drew together. A smile pulled on her cheeks and she covered her mouth. "What?" Makoto asked.

"Nothing," she replied, waving it off quickly, but keeping her mouth covered. Her smile was reaching her eyes.

"That's not nothing, you smile like that when you think something is funny," he said, and Haru found himself watching the both of them closely. Was there something going on that he was missing?

"But there's nothing funny happening Makoto. What could I possibly be finding funny?" her voice shook, like she was holding in a giggle, as her words seemed to tease Makoto in a gentle sing song. Her hand pressed to her lips as she continued to glance between them, before saying, "You look really nice, Haru."

Haru blushed as he pulled at his shirt. "Thank you," he replied quietly.

"Your hair looks great, too, did you do something to it?" she asked. Haru looked at her. She had asked him the question, but for some reason she was staring at Makoto with a certain _look_ in her eyes that he couldn't quite decipher.

"Ah, I got a trim..." he trailed off as he watched Makoto's face, who was staring at Hakune intensely, like he wanted her to stop. Stop what, though? His ears were still pink.

"Hmm, really? It looks good on you," Hakune said, turning her attention back to Haru, giving him a bright, genuine smile. "Perhaps you should tell me where you got your hair done. I'd love to go have a look."

The door swung open (which was a relief since he didn't want to admit in front of Makoto that he went to Nagisa for help) and a very tall person walked in, glancing around before his eyes settled on their table. "Yo!" he lifted a hand in greeting.

"Hey, Chiaki. Been a while," Hakune greeted him first, standing up to allow herself to be pulled into a hug that lifted her off the ground. "I'm wearing heels, why are you still that much taller than me?"

Chiaki ruffled her hair affectionately. "Because you're still very short. I'm literally thirty centimeters taller than you," he said as his eyes landed on Makoto, who stood up to go greet him. "_You_."

"Hi, Chiaki," Makoto laughed in greeting, before being pulled into a hug. Haru could see, as they greeted each other, that Chiaki even towered over Makoto. He felt himself go wide eyed as Chiaki suddenly rained kisses on Makoto's cheek as he tried to pull away. "What are you doing?!"

Chiaki laughed. "Did you see that? Cute," he sat down next to Hakune as she watched Makoto wipe his face, blushing bright red. "I love doing that to him."

Makoto clicked his tongue as he sat back down next to Haru. "I should call the police for sexual harassment," he glared, but it looked like he was about to laugh at him, so it must have been something he was okay with. "Chiaki, this is Haru."

Haru was suddenly pierced with a very intense stare as Chiaki looked at him. He tried not to fidget under his gaze, but he wanted to break his stare and glance away. A moment later Chiaki held out his hand. "Nice to meet you Haru," he said, and Haru took his hand to shake.

"Likewise," he replied, feeling very small all of a sudden.

"He's so pretty, isn't he?" Chiaki looked at Hakune and Haru could feel the blush building on his cheeks. He felt Makoto shift his chair closer to his. It was subtle, and it surprised Haru. He glanced up at Makoto, although he didn't look back at him.

Hakune looked amused as she watched Chiaki's face. "I agree," she said simply, and her and Chiaki exchanged a look with each other, the same expression that was on Hakune's face a moment earlier found its way onto his face, and the both of them turned their heads to look at Makoto.

"Okay, seriously, what is going on?" Makoto asked. He looked genuinely confused.

"Nothing," Chiaki replied quickly, nudging Hakune in the side.

"Absolutely. Nothing is going on," she tilted her head at Makoto, smiling widely. Haru suddenly found himself being stared at by Chiaki and Hakune, and he glanced up at Makoto with confusion, who merely squinted his eyes at the two people in front of them.

"Did you guys order anything? I kind of need a coffee," Chiaki looked around and waved a waitress to the table.

"I am running on coffee right now, actually," Hakune supplied, and she leaned heavily on the table. "How's work for the both of you?"

Chiaki made a noise that was close to a snort, and Makoto looked rather sheepish. "Well, the students are restless from coming back from summer vacation, so it's been... tough," Makoto said. Haru hummed. He remembered his time at the swim club. Children around middle school ages were tough, so he could understand.

"How about you, Chiaki? Are you in trouble with your faculty yet?" Hakune glanced sideways at Chiaki as the waitress came back with brewed coffee and some menus.

He made an indignant noise, hands waving in the air with futility. "Why does that question always come up when I'm with you?" he asked, he looked pained about it. Haru tilted his head at Hakune and caught her eye. She leaned in towards to him to explain.

"One year, I think it was the first year he started teaching at the high school? The girls just started throwing themselves at him," she pointed a finger at Haru to keep his attention. Chiaki rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his coffee, opting to look into the menu instead of involving himself in the conversation.

"It started off cute, with maybe a few Valentine's cards, and small gifts. You even left a jar of lollipops on your desk for your homeroom, right? For White Day?" she glanced at Chiaki, who made no move to acknowledge her.

"But then it got worse. One girl gave him a cloth rose for Valentine's Day, and after class she confessed to him. And, _and_," Hakune reached over to grab Haru's hands, eyes bearing into him, "the 'cloth rose' was a 'panty rose'."

Makoto jolted forward into table, hands over his mouth to stifle his laughter, and Chiaki just leaned away, red clearly making its way up his neck. "'Panty rose'?" Haru asked weakly.

"It's something that couples usually get for Valentine's Day for... different sort of activities," it looked like Hakune was laughing as well, shoulders clearly shaking in an attempt to hold it in. "The girl got in trouble for bringing the thing to school, but he also got in trouble. What were you told? To 'tone it down'?"

Chiaki glared at her through narrowed eyes. "I don't think I'm the only one that gets confessions from his students," eyes making a clear b-line to Makoto.

Makoto wiped a tear from his eye, still chuckling. "I never get anything that out there," he said between deep breaths.

"It's your fault!" Chiaki pointed an accusing finger at Makoto. "You start them on puberty in middle school and as soon as they get to high school they're full of raging hormones for _me_ to deal with!"

Hakune burst into laughter as Makoto leaned away, trying not to laugh. "H-how is that my fault?" he gasped. "They would go through puberty during middle school anyway!"

"You make it worse!" Chiaki snapped.

Haru pressed his hand to his lips, the beginnings of a snort bubbling up in his throat. "I can't make it worse! How is that even possible?" Makoto argued back. Haru couldn't take it anymore.

A chuckle rose and jumped out of his throat, startling the group into silence, but he couldn't help it. He held his sides as he began to laugh hard, uncontrollable waves tumbling out of his open mouth. "I-I," he tried to articulate exactly _why_ he started laughing but he couldn't breathe, and he was soon near tears in his laughter.

"Oh, look what you've done!" Hakune began laughing with him, and her laugh felt contagious to him as he started to laugh harder as he gripped the table, fists shaking. The two of them were practically rolling in their chairs as Chiaki and Makoto just stared at them. "You're both so dumb!"

Haru felt a warm hand rub his back as he began to finally calm down. He glanced up and all of his laughter stopped, a blush instead replacing his mirth as he looked at Makoto, who was watching him with fondness in his eyes that it caught Haru's breath in his throat.

They both flinched when Hakune coughed and they moved away from each other. Chiaki gave her a sip of water. "Honestly, Hakune," he mumbled sternly.

"You're easy to laugh at, okay? I can't help it," she said. "Besides, Haru doesn't look nervous anymore."

Haru glanced up at her to see Hakune smiling warmly at him. "I guess it's fine then," Chiaki sighed, though he smiled a bit with her, "even if it _was_ at _my expense_."

"Isn't that how it usually is?"

Haru walked slowly with Hakune as they made their way to the train station. He was tired from a long day with them, but as he watched Makoto and Chiaki talk in front of them, nudging each other and laughing together, he found that he was happy with today. He looked at Hakune, feeling her gaze on him. "How are you, Haru?" she asked.

"Fine," he mumbled. "Thank you, by the way."

She looked at him, confused. "For what?"

"You noticed I was nervous," he said. Hakune shrugged, giving him a gentle nudge as they continued to walk.

"It was nothing," she said. "Chiaki only looks intimidating at first, because of all of his piercings and tattoos, but look," she pointed at him as they walked, and Haru watched him clap a hand on Makoto's shoulder as they started laughing in earnest, "he's pretty harmless."

"How tall is he?" Haru asked suddenly. It had bothered him while they were together.

Hakune hummed a bit as she thought. "He's... ten centimeters taller than Makoto maybe? I can't remember anymore," she said.

They reached the station and Chiaki turned to Makoto. "Are you going home?" he asked.

Makoto suddenly looked down at his hands before he glanced back up at Chiaki. "A-ah, actually. I'm going to go see my parents for a bit," he stammered and Haru watched him, a little surprised.

"Oh, really? Maybe I should come, too. I haven't seen the twins in a while-" Hakune cut him off with a quick tug.

"Chiaki! Help me with groceries! It's getting late and I haven't bought them yet," Hakune started to drag him towards the platform of the incoming train.

"What? You always have food at home though, you're kitchen is ridiculous," he protested as he was getting dragged away.

"I forgot this time."

"Since when have you ever forgotten-"

"Bye Haru! Bye Makoto!" Hakune called as the train pulled in, shoving Chiaki in. "Say hi to the twins for us! We'll visit next time!" The door closed and the train slowly began to pull away.

Haru glanced up at Makoto, who waved at them through the window as the train passed, a smile pulling up on his cheeks. "Well, that was interesting," he said to Haru, and he nodded.

They walked slowly back towards their neighbourhood in silence, and it called to Haru's mind of the many times he would walk home with Makoto after school, when things were simpler. He looked at him from the corner of his eye and his gaze looked faraway, like he was remembering the same things Haru was. "This feels nostalgic," Makoto said, smiling down at Haru, confirming his thoughts.

"Yeah," Haru turned his gaze away from Makoto's smile, afraid it would burn him. Although Haru wasn't too sure if he actually minded being marked by Makoto's smile, if it meant that everyone knew about how much it meant to him. It's just that it hurt, like how staring into the sun hurts.

They reached the temple steps, and Haru began to walk up them. He heard footsteps behind him and noticed that Makoto was following. "Aren't you visiting?" Haru asked quietly. He glanced at Makoto's old house before looking back down at him.

"O-oh, yeah, I am. Just..." he trailed off before looking Haru in the eye again. "In a bit. I'll walk you to your door."

"You don't have to," Haru could feel his heart fly up his throat as he said the words, and he hoped his voice didn't crack, the rushing blood in his ears too loud for him to really be sure.

"I want to," Makoto said more firmly and Haru numbly made his way up the steps, feeling Makoto's hand settle warmly on the small of his back, and he wondered for a moment if he could feel every nerve in his body sizzle and fry under his touch.

They made it to Haru's back door in silence that was no longer comfortable, a heavy hanging atmosphere between them, almost stifling, like it were the hottest days of summer, even though it was turning into fall with each passing day. Haru turned to look up at Makoto, whose mouth was open partially, as if frozen on words that refused to come out of his throat. "I... I had fun today," Haru stammered. "Thank you for inviting me."

Makoto smiled at him then, eyes piercing into him as he brushed away a strand of hair off Haru's cheek. Haru gasped quietly. "No problem," he replied quietly. "I... I always wanted you to meet them."

Haru blinked, feeling himself get pulled in closer to Makoto, even though he knew he was in the exact same spot. "Really?" he breathed, feeling the edge of Makoto's shirt on the backs of his hands.

"Yeah," Makoto whispered. "Haru..."

Haru didn't even allow himself to think as he pulled at the collar of Makoto's shirt, pressing his lips on Makoto's mouth as he stumbled back, hitting the door. Makoto's hands planted themselves on the door to steady the both of them. Haru opened his eyes when he felt a lack of response, and he saw that Makoto was staring at him wide eyed.

Makoto looked shocked, and Haru had a sudden feeling that he'd made a mistake.


	19. Don't Lose

Haru pulled away, blinking up into Makoto's surprised face. He swallowed, feeling his heart thumping to burst out of his chest. Makoto looked surprised, frozen with wide eyes staring straight into him, and Haru began to let go of his shirt, fighting the urge to cry.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have-mmf!" Haru's lips were sealed closed when Makoto pressed forward, pulling him gently into his chest before threading his hands up into Haru's hair. A soft moan escaped him as he ran a thumb down Haru's jawline, prompting Haru to forget that he had legs and lean all of his weight onto Makoto.

He felt Makoto's hands, warm, just like he knew they'd be, run down his sides to settle and draw slow, languid circles on his hips, his fingertips tickling the slightly exposed skin near his stomach. Makoto broke the kiss briefly, confusing Haru as he opened his mouth to ask, when he felt Makoto grip him under his thighs, swooping him up into his arms and hoisting him into the air, eliciting a surprised gasp from Haru, before his back was pressed against the back door of his home, fingers finding their way into Makoto's hair, feather light touches caressing the shells of his ears.

"_Mmm_," Haru hummed into Makoto's mouth as they came together again, legs locking around Makoto's hips like they belonged there, _like they had always belonged there_, letting out a quiet moan when Makoto took his bottom lip between his teeth, kissing with his tongue. His hips were pinned, and he could feel the splinters on the door digging into his skin, but he didn't care because he could feel himself burn at the way Makoto kneaded and rubbed his thighs as he held him up, could feel his pulse shake his whole body at the way Makoto's hips twitched with every lick, caress, and touch, could feel his own hips begin to ache a little at how he wanted more, _more, **more**_ as he scored long, trailing marks with his nails down Makoto's shoulder.

"Makoto," he whispered as they broke for air, a moment of looking into each other's eyes before coming together again. Haru opened his mouth to him, and Makoto entered slowly, gently, before Haru pulled him by his neck, begging for closer, begging and wanting for closer. He whimpered when Makoto found his tongue, and the wet noises of their kisses were embarrassing as they echoed and burned his ears, but he didn't care, he didn't want to care when this was happening, when this _wasn't a dream_, when all of this confirmed that he _hadn't made a mistake_.

A jingle from Makoto's back pocket made both of them gasp, and they broke off with panting, ravaged breaths, a blush fighting its way onto Haru's cheeks as he looked at the similar blush having found its way on Makoto's ears. They stood there panting for a moment more, lips barely touching, faces close enough to make each breath they had mingle together, Haru's legs still wrapped around Makoto's hips, Makoto's hands still tracing unidentifiable patterns on Haru's thighs. A line of drool broke off of their mouths and Makoto licked his lips, eyes flashing down when Haru mimicked him subconsciously.

"That's probably the twins," Makoto said, voice rough and ragged as his phone jingled again, and he let Haru slide down his body as he let him go. Haru began to move away as Makoto answered the phone, but he was pulled in by his neck, and soon his vision was swamped by Makoto's neck and collarbones.

"Hello?" he answered softly, planting a gentle kiss on top of Haru's head as he played with his hair on the nape of his neck. Haru gripped the sides of Makoto's shirt, shaking with each breath he took, still unable to believe that this was real and that this was happening. He pressed his lips to Makoto's collarbone, and he got another kiss on his head in response.

"Onii-chan! You said you'd be coming over today! Where are you?" Ran's voice echoed loudly in the phone. Haru could feel a smile pull at his lips.

"Nii-chan, you weren't lying were you? Mom made your favourite!" Ren butted in, just as loud.

"I'll be there in five minutes," Makoto sighed out a laugh. "You guys behave until I get there, okay? Don't give mom a hard time."

The twins whined indignantly over the phone. "We're in high school, now! We _know that_," they said together. The phone went dead after that and Makoto slipped it back into his pocket.

He pulled away a bit to look down into Haru's eyes, and they stood there for who knows how much longer, blinking quietly at each other. His hands were still playing with Haru's hair, and all Haru wanted to do was lean into the touch, to melt into his hands and lose himself completely.

"I guess I should go now," he said with a laugh, though Haru thought that it sounded like he really didn't want to go. "Do you want to come?"

Haru shook his head. "I don't think I should go this time," he replied quietly, the unspoken _I don't think I could hold myself back_ echoing in the space between their breaths.

"Hmm, I see," Makoto hummed, as if disappointed, but he smiled as he leaned down for another kiss, all lips sliding over lips, sweet and lingering that caused Haru's body to shake at each soft press, each quick, sharp sound of their mouths coming together, that he knew that Makoto knew exactly why Haru wouldn't go visit his family with him.

They broke apart (how many kisses was that now? Haru didn't know anymore) and Makoto threaded their fingers together, giving their hands a squeeze before stepping back, and Haru already missed him. "I have to go," Makoto said, "but we should talk about this."

"When?" Haru breathed.

"Soon," Makoto breathed back, and he brought their hands up to his lips to kiss the back of Haru's hand before letting go, turning the corner and disappearing from Haru's sight. No good bye, but Haru knew that any more lingering moments would make it hard for him to break free. They didn't need a good bye. Haru opened his door and slipped inside.

He leaned against his bedroom door, having made his way up as soon as he got inside. He slid down, shaking as he pressed his fingers to his lips, tracing the contours of his mouth as he remembered each touch that burned him, that he was sure he'd remember forever.

Makoto had kissed him back.

_Makoto_ had _kissed_ him _back_.

He pressed a hand to his forehead, leaning his elbows on his knees. He couldn't stop the smile on his face from pulling at his lips, his whole body still trembling with the adrenaline that rushed through him. He felt a laugh slip out of his mouth, and for a moment he thought he was going delirious, crazy, but he didn't care.

_Makoto had kissed him back_.

He doubted he would ever get over it.

"You look awfully happy," Rin said to him as he settled down at his favourite seat, pulling out scribbled on manuscripts and multiple pens.

"Do I?" Haru tried to sound nonchalant, but the memories of what happened soon came flooding back to him, and he had to lower his head to hide his smile.

"Look at that!" Rin scoffed at him, smirk playing on his face. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Oh my God, Nanase, you're not even gonna share?" Rin quirked an eyebrow as he opened his large binder, flipping through the pages. "I thought we were friends."

Haru shrugged, ignoring him completely as he wiped the table. Rin didn't need to know. He didn't want to have to deal with the teasing, the jabs, the waggling eyebrows. It had been a week since then, and he couldn't stop finding everything was better, the colours were brighter, even the weather was nicer, despite some of the heavy rain they'd been getting.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, and upon opening it, he began to smile.

"Okay, you're letting me see that _right now_," Rin leaned to grab his phone, but Haru stepped out of his reach.

"No."

"Is that Makoto?" Rin quirked an eyebrow, and when Haru opted to reply to the text message rather than reply to Rin, he began to laugh. "It _is_, isn't it?"

"Get to work, Rin," Haru snapped his phone shut, slipping it back into his pocket.

"Nanase Haruka," Rin fought to sound stern, commanding, but to Haru he just sounded ridiculous, "did something happen between _you and Makoto_?"

"No," Haru snapped almost too quickly, and Rin wasn't having any of it.

"I'm calling Nagisa," his phone was by his ear and ringing before Haru could even say anything against him, "I need back up."

Haru busied himself with writing down food supplies and orders when Nagisa burst in through the door, hair looking a very interesting shade of purple today, glitter coming off his cheeks like hail. "I'M HERE WHAT HAPPENED," he yelled, getting a few stares from the regulars.

Rin patted the bar stool next to him, watching as Nagisa plopped himself into it, shaking glitter off of his cheeks. "Oi! Watch where you shake!" Rin pushed his papers to the side.

"Sorry, sorry, Rin-chan!" Nagisa held up a peace sign. "So? Why did you need reinforcements?"

Rin pointed at Haru's face. "Look at him, and then look me in the eye because I _dare you to tell me that nothing is different with him_," he leaned over to Nagisa. Nagisa blinked at Rin for a moment before turning his full attention over to Haru.

Haru turned his head away, hating the scrutiny but unable to hide his emotions, as Nagisa squinted up at him. "Did anything happen on your date with Mako-chan?" Nagisa muttered, quirking an eyebrow.

Rin slapped the table. "I _knew_ it!" Rin pulled Nagisa in by the shoulder. "He's been doing weird things the whole time I was here."

"Ooh, ooh, like what?" Nagisa gripped the top of Rin's thigh, fully immersed on Rin's side of the situation. Haru just wanted them to leave.

"Well, for one, he _smiles out of no where_," Rin pointed an accusing finger at Haru and he turned away from them. At least his back wouldn't giveaway a blush or anything like that. "Another is that every so often he'll just stare off into space with this _whimsical_ look and it kind of makes me want to punch him."

Nagisa snickered when Haru shot him a glare before going back to organizing the display case behind the bar. "But that's not even the worst of it," Rin continued, voice a loud, harsh whisper. "Sometimes, when he thinks I'm not looking, he'll _touch his lips really lightly_ and start _giggling to himself_."

Haru's eyes went wide, he could feel Nagisa put pieces together and he fought to stand still. "Oh my God, Haru-chan DID MAKO-CHAN KISS YOU?" Nagisa shrieked as he reached over the bar, turning Haru around and pulling him down, making him come face to face with two pairs of excited eyes.

"No," he lied, but Nagisa wasn't having any of it.

"I _told you_ I would make you delectable, Haru-chan!" he hugged Haru over the bar. "So? How far did you go? Did you get to eat him back?"

"Nagisa!" Haru hissed. There were _other people here_.

Rin was cheek to cheek with Nagisa as he interrogated Haru alongside him. "So Makoto laid the moves on you, huh?" he asked, voice low and sly. "Is he a good kisser?"

Haru covered his face, refusing to answer, feeling himself go red. "Oh. My. GOD. Rin-chan, he is. Look at Haru-chan, he _totally is_," Nagisa was practically shaking Rin while he freaked out.

Rin pressed both of his hands into his mouth as he fought down a cackle. "Oh my God, Makoto, you sly, _sly_ fox," Rin whistled lowly. "I cannot _believe_ he's a good kisser. Is he better than me?"

Haru looked at him uncomfortably. "I don't think I should be making that comparison," Rin waved off his counter.

"It's fine. We were young when we dated. I've hooked up with plenty of people since then, you've had more sexual encounters with fountains than with - _don't **look** at me like that like it's not true you giant fish_," Rin snapped.

"No need to compare," Nagisa waved it off. "Did he do anything? In particular?"

Haru just stared at him, confused. "What?"

"Y'know, not like, lip pulling or whatever, that's normal. Did he _do_ anything?" Nagisa stared at him, wide eyed, emphasis made with a bob of his head. Haru blinked from Rin to Nagisa before feeling a blush come up his cheeks. "He _did, didn't he_? What did he do?"

"Well," Haru stammered. He couldn't _believe_ this was about to come out of his mouth. "He... _pinned me_..."

"Shut the fuck up," Rin muttered, leaning fully on the bar counter top. Nagisa just grabbed at Rin and shook him.

"A-and then he... lifted... me... up," Haru was positive he would be permanently red with the blush coming off his cheeks. He leaned over and pressed his face into the counter top.

Rin and Nagisa shared a look, eyes slowly going wide as if to pop out of their heads. Nagisa shrieked while Rin started to laugh as they grabbed on to each other. "Haru-chan I'm so happy for you!" Nagisa cried.

"After all these years," Rin faked a tear.

"It's finally happening," Nagisa leaned into Rin's shoulder. "Our baby's finally growing up. Call Ai-chan, let's celebrate."

Rin slapped a hand on Nagisa's back before he got too far. "L-let's not, actually," he stammered. Nagisa perked up immediately, practically sensing the fear.

"Why? Did something happen between the _two of you_?" he teased, although Haru knew that tone. He knew better, and so did Rin.

"No," he said. "Just, this isn't- we shouldn't-"

"Oh, my gosh. Did Rin-chan go on a date last weekend too?" Nagisa teased. Haru glanced down at Rin, the slow blush coming on his face completely telling.

"I asked him to help me watch over Sousuke and Gou, but we ended up never finding them!" Rin squeaked. "I had to apologize somehow, right?"

Nagisa raised an eyebrow. "Oh ho, Rin-chan, you went on a date with Ai-chan?" Nagisa smirked as he leaned in. "How much do you want to bet that Sousuke got Ai's help to keep you away from his date with Gou-chan."

"He _wouldn't_," Rin whispered, but Haru could see the slow suspicion in his eyes. "Ai!"

Nitori came out of the back room a moment later, looking a little flustered at everyone staring at him, but bowed despite everything. "Yes, Rin-san?" he asked.

"Did you help Sousuke keep me away from his date last weekend?" Haru had to hand it to Rin for not beating around the bush. Nitori flushed brightly.

"R-Rin-san! I didn't help Yamazaki-san!" he cried, clutching his manager's booklet in his hands.

"You better not have," Rin squinted his eyes.

"Gou-san may have asked me though," the words were barely audible, but Haru caught them and he turned to look at Nitori, who flashed him a wary smile.

"Rin-chan should take Ai-chan on a proper date," Nagisa butt in. "None of this 'gotta protect my sister' pretense." Haru nodded his consent.

Rin stammered. "Don't turn this on me!" he cried.

"Ah, so that's what happened?" Makoto breathed a laugh over the phone. It was late, but he was up marking quizzes, so Haru stayed up to talk to him.

"Yeah," he sighed, feeling apologetic. "Sorry."

Makoto chuckled. "Don't worry about it. Hakune and Chiaki got me to spill, too," he sighed. "They were definitely more subtle about it, at least. I barely even knew it happened until after."

Haru hummed, listening to the gentle rustle of papers. "Are you sleepy?" he asked quietly.

"Not really," Makoto said. "I'm talking to you, how could I be?"

Haru was glad he wasn't there in front of him, otherwise he would be able to see exactly how affected he got by those words. He covered his eyes with his hand. "Makoto..." his sentence trailed off, both of them knowing what they wanted to say.

"I know," he heard Makoto say it quietly over the phone. "But... not yet, okay? I want to see you when..."

Haru knew what Makoto meant without him having to say it. He wanted to see Makoto soon. "Soon, then," he said instead.

Makoto laughed. "Yeah of course! Oh, I have to go. The fire station's calling me," Haru felt his heart drop a bit. He wanted to talk to Makoto a bit longer. "I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Sure," Haru said. _I love you_.

"We'll meet up soon," Makoto continued.

"Of course," Haru replied. _I love you._

"Good night, Haru. Sleep well," Makoto muttered.

"Good night," Haru heard the phone click off. I love you, Makoto.

That night Haru had dreams of warm hands that caressed and held him, and he felt safe for once in the expansive ocean of his dreams as he floated there, feeling the cold of the water, but having a warmth to keep him from shivering.

Haru woke up and went to work, sighing a bit at the lack of activity. It felt like a slow day, and he turned on the radio in the kitchen as he made his way around.

_"Early this morning, an explosion at one of the old fisheries caught fire to the surrounding houses. Personnel scrambled to keep it quarantined, not before it caught on a boat, causing the boat to catch fire and explode. Police are currently investigating the cause of the accident._

Haru turned off the radio, shaking his head. The old fisheries were made of rotting, dried wood. He would bet anything that a teenager with a cigarette caused the fire. He sort of wished the city would do something about the fisheries. They didn't do anything anymore, as people now had boats they could sell their fish from, rather than having to get checked through a fishery.

He took off his apron, filtering through his phone to find that he missed a call from Makoto's mom. His phone lit up again, her number appearing once more on the screen. "Hello?" he asked. Perhaps she was asking about helping the twins.

"Oh, Haruka-kun," she nearly sobbed into the speaker, and Haru felt dread at the sound of her voice. She was a strong woman, an incredible mother. He had never heard her like this. "There's been an accident."

Haru gulped. "We're at the hospital right now," she continued, voice shaking. "It's Makoto..."


End file.
